For the second weekend in a row, it’s family time at the multiplex (that’s right, no streaming or VOD as this film’s marketing makes clear, in theatres only). But that “FT” tag is true on both levels since LOVE ON THE ROCKS was an adult “dramedy” and ETERNAL BEAUTY was a dark tale of conflict and tragedy. The latter focused on sisters while the former featured a “caper” involving a father (and grandfather) and his daughter (also a mother). This new flick almost wears its “PG” rating as a beacon welcoming in “all ages”. It does concern three generations of a family, and it’s a comedy full of “gross-out” gags, slapstick pratfalls, and elaborate pranks to appeal to the tots and “pre-teens” weaned on annual holiday reruns of the HOME ALONE movies. Oh, but things aren’t all “tears and hugs” as the youngest lad in this household starts THE WAR WITH GRANDPA.
The aforementioned “son” Peter (Oakes Fegley) is pretty excited to be starting the sixth grade along with his pals/lunch tablemates Emma (T.J. McGibbon), Steve (Isaac Kragten), and Billy (Juliocesar Chavez) despite some of the older bullying students (including Steve’s sadistic sister Lisa). But things are about to get complicated at his house. Mom Sally (Uma Thurman) is again ditching her job to drive two hours to handle the latest “incident” with her widowed father Ed (Robert De Niro). He’s adamant about staying in his home, but Sally delivers an ultimatum: move to a “retirement community” or move in with her family. Reluctantly he begins packing. That night Sally and hubby Arthur (Rob Riggle) deliver the news to the kids. Rebellious “boy crazy” teen Mia (Laura Marano) and Christmas-obsessed (she sings carol constantly) seven-year-old Jennifer (Poppy Gagnon) are thrilled, as is Peter, until “the other shoe drops”. The girls share a room, so he’ll have to move out of his much-adored “solo pad” and relocate in the attic (grandpa would go there, but for those stairs…). Ed is soon welcomed with open arms as Peter does battle with cobwebs, dust, mice, and even a bat (it just flew in from Transylvania and boy are its wings tired). Late one night Ed notices a letter being pushed under his closed door. It’s a “declaration of war” over the room, signed by “the Secret Warrior”. He shrugs it off till then next day when the first “blow’ is struck. That afternoon on a “play date” with old pal Jerry (Christopher Walken), Ed tells him of the “war” note. Jerry encourages him to retaliate, as does his BFF “ladies man” Danny (Cheech Marin). Returning home Ed takes Peter aside and agrees to the “conflict” with some rules that no other family members will be notified or involved in this. Later Ed enlists another soldier when he buys some “weapons’ at a “big box” electronics store with the aid of a very friendly clerk named Diane (Jane Seymour). Now that the armies are formed (Peter’s school pals soon join him), who will acquire the ultimate prize of that “primo” bedroom? And what of the “casualties” amongst the “bystanders”?
Uhhh, where to start with the squandering of the superb screen veteran cast. Well, with the title character himself, “Grandpa” Ed as played by DeNiro, who almost seems to be echoing the later years of another screen icon, and “actors’ actor” Laurence Oliver. He appeared to be amassing a financial legacy as his career came to a close in the late 70s and early 80s (General MacArthur in INCHON…yup). Luckily DeNiro is part of David O. Russell acting ensemble and was reunited with another creative partner late last year with THE IRISHMAN. These have been the few bright spots in the last decade or so as he’s bounced from VOD thriller duds to dopey, dim-witted comedies (that other BAD GRANDPA, for a similarly-titled example). As Ed he does that required parodying of his former film “tough guys” (perhaps he could put these tired “self-parodies” to rest, please), along with the squinting and hesitating line delivery, when he’s not groaning, grunting, and grimacing in pain as endures copious clunky punishments, seeming to have been injected with cartoon DNA, as he brushes them off like Tom the Cat in those much funnier and clever MGM classics. Perhaps he’s using the old excuse of “doing something for the wee folk to watch”, but it just doesn’t excuse his participation. Adding to the insult is the reunion with THE DEER HUNTER co-star Walken. After over 40 years, this is what brings these two Oscar winners back together? Walken glides through the forced hi-jinks, hoping to coast on his fading “hipster cool”. That’s also true of Marin, basically, a “wacky” sidekick in the action set pieces. His role is just a notch or two above Seymour who’s stuck in the obligatory “mature” but still “randy” love interest (guessing that Ann Margaret and Susan Sarandon wisely passed). Their pairing seems forced at best. She still fares better than Thurman who has to constantly be the “party pooper”, dishing out the rules, while also enduring the war’s “collateral damage” causing her to screech and mug. There’s little chemistry with Riggle as her hubby, who also becomes the brunt of slapstick bits while doing the whole “doofus dad” bits (this gifted comic actor deserves a much better showcase). As for the kids, Fegley as Peter is good as the “nice boy” who gets a kick out of releasing a bit of his inner “hellion”, and makes more of an impact than any of his youthful castmates, though Gagnon is achingly adorable as she “holidizes” everything in sight.
All this clumsy caterwauling is co-ordinated by director Tim Hill, who has bounced between cable TV kids sitcoms, full-on animated features (with Spongebob), live/toon hybrids like the much-better HOP, along with Garfield and Alvin and the Chipmunks, even the Muppets. He mixes elements of all of them as he juggles the lackluster script adaptation of Robert Kimmel Smith’s book. Ed and his pals seem like they’re CGI or foam (like Kermit and company) as they effortlessly bounce back from slapstick stunts that would sentence them to a skilled care facility, at the very least (slipping on a floor of marbles should pulverize a hip, for certain). But Ed and his seventy-something pals (though Seymour has a few months left in her “slinky 60s”) are able to do most anything the slovenly story needs. A trampoline dodgeball match, why not (I kept wondering why the 20-something referee would allow it…maybe he’s a lawyer and whipped up some tight “liability waivers”). Then there are a few gags that seem very out of place in a PG kids comedy. What’s up with the “call back” gag of Ed accidentally exposing himself to son-in-law Arthur (who for some unknown reason, hates when he calls him “Artie”)? Laid over all this is a constant irritating “music bed’ that telegraphs and hammers every punchline (and punch) as the camera tries to make the bland Atlanta locations look “lived in” (The main two-story house couldn’t turn the first-floor den or study into Ed’s room). I was a bit surprised (and happy since this 95-minute test of movie patience was winding down) at the sinister shot just before the final fade-out to end credits (thinking that old monster movie “The End?” would be revived). Kind of gutsy, until the scrolling credits made way for some “zany” out-takes and we’re “treated” to the cast, including Bobby D, dancing and shuffling to co-star Marano’s forgettable pop single. Almost like the film itself, as the humiliation of a team of screen vets earns THE WAR WITH GRANDPA a much deserved …
Zero Out of Four
