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“You think you know the story…” so true are those words, it makes writing this review a critical hell, a nightmare of favorably frustrating proportions. The reason for this being, THE CABIN IN THE WOODS is one of those films that requires I not slip up and divulge any of it’s many wonderful details that would spoil the geektastically all-encompassing awesomeness of the film. If you are thinking, “Wow, this guy is selling the film rather hard,” you would be partially correct. Partially, because I’m not trying to “sell” the film at all, but on that rare occasion that a film has such a massive impact on my “happy” endorphins on this level, well… I just simply can’t help myself.

The basic story: Five college friends decide to take a break from their studies and spend a weekend in a, yes, you got it… a cabin in the woods. Curt (Chris Hemsworth, THOR) is the jock, but an unconventionally smart one. Jules (Anna Hutchison) is Curt’s “girl next door” girlfriend and her best friend Dana (Kristen Connelly, REVOLUTIONARY ROAD) is a book smart, semi-virginal good girl reluctantly along for the ride. Jules surprises Dana by inviting yet another — single — intellectual jock named Holden (Jesse Williams, BROOKLYN’S FINEST) with the hopes the two will hook up during their cabin retreat. Finally, Marty (Fran Kranz, THE VILLAGE) is the wise, but paranoid stoner and fifth-wheel on this wilderness trip. These five young men and women willingly enter into a seemingly harmless cabin in the woods, unsuspecting of the true and necessary horrors that await them… all for 105 perfectly pleasurable minutes of thrills, frights and laughs.

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS comes from the mind(s) of a genius — to some, many — co-written by Joss Whedon (SERENITY) and Drew Goddard (CLOVERFIELD) whom, with this film, also makes his directorial debut. Many fans obviously know of Joss Whedon from popular TV series including Firefly, Dollhouse, and Buffy. Perhaps less known, but equally talented is Drew Goddard, whom also has had his writing hands in the popular TV series cookie jar with Buffy, as well as Angel, Lost, and Alias. Putting these two minds together was shear brilliance, but unfortunately the recent troubles which befell the house of MGM held this film on the shelf, a film completed way back in 2011. With that said, we now get to enjoy not only this film, but THE AVENGERS, also directed by Joss Whedon, both opening this summer. (I may giggle like a school girl now. Don’t judge me.)

What is the secret of THE CABIN IN THE WOODS? You know I can’t tell you that, or else… I’d have to kill you. Seriously. If I told you that, someone would surely kill me as well. What I can tell you is that all the beautifully cheeky, sarcastic humor Joss Whedon is so well known for is alive and well. Whedon and Goddard mostly give Fran Kranz free reign over comic relief, serving up a hilariously witty performance as Marty, stoned nearly the entire film, constantly the ignored voice of reason. Marty is sort of a combination of SCREAM’s Randy, but with the personality of Alan Tudyk. I love Alan Tudyk, but that’s irrelevant.

The film opens with anything but the most logical, predictable scene for a horror film set in a cabin… in the woods. We meet two middle-aged men — Sitterson and Hadley — dressed in white, short-sleeve dress shirts and pocket protectors. No, these aren’t an updated, live-action, nerdy version of The Muppets’ Statler and Waldorf… actually, in a way I guess they could be. Sitterson (Richard Jenkins, THE VISITOR) and Hadley (Bradley Whitford, BOTTLE SHOCK) run a mysterious laboratory in a large, sterile facility staffed with equally laboratory-esque types. The opening scene, a quirky quick-witted exchange between Sitterson and Hadley, could quite possibly be one of the funniest moments in the film, setting the tone and calibrating the audience laugh-o-meter for heavy usage.

Following this scientifically silly exchange, we’re introduced to our five college friends and the journey begins. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry (from all the laughter) and then — in due time — you’ll shriek at the craziness of the building carnage that Whedon and Goddard conjure up as they slowly unveil the truth of THE CABIN IN THE WOODS. Now, while I cannot divulge any specific details, I can say with relative safety that the general gist of the “big” secret will become apparent somewhere around the halfway point, or at the very least, you should begin the suspect. However, as they say… “the devil’s in the details.” In other words, PAY ATTENTION! I believe it’s literally impossible for anyone to fall asleep during this film, unless shot with a tranquilizer, but watch closely to catch all the finer, even subtle little Easter eggs planted within the film, including film homages, insider gags, familiar knock-off characters, and even, perhaps… maybe… a secret cameo, or two? Hmm… I’m not saying anymore.

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS is smart, witty, fast-paced, comedic, horrific fun… the most refreshing, perfectly executed horror movie experience I’ve seen since James Gunn’s SLITHER (2006). The special effects are splendidly rendered, CGI done well — sparingly (well, till the end when the proverbial sh*t hits the fan) but effective — and monster fans may or may not be in for one helluva treat as well. There’s action, there’s romance (loosley defined) and tragedy, there’s conservatively utilized bloody and gory violence, suspense, of course there’s mystery, and even a touch of science-fiction mixed with a dash of folklore. (Oh, no. I’ve said too much. I’ve said enough. — Michael Stipe)

My Promise: Go, run to see CABIN IN THE WOODS! You will not see another horror film this good all year, well… not until sometime (maybe) in October, but that’s not confirmed yet. If you don’t enjoy this film, you’re demented.

Overall: 5 out of 5 sacrificial lambs