HAUNTED MANSION – Review

And the Summer of product adaptations and remakes continues! Last weekend BARBIE just about blew the doors off the box office and the multiplex in a virtual tsunami of pink perfection. Hey, if a toy can revive the ticket sale doldrums, why not a flick based on a ride from the Disney theme parks? After all, those Caribbean Pirates spurred quite a profitable “tentpole” for the studio. But then there were costly flops like TOMORROWLAND and who remembers THE COUNTRY BEARS (maybe they just needed that “nose candy”). Well, this concept was exploited nearly twenty years ago, so this is also, technically, a remake (without any of the main human characters from the first time). Perhaps the modest success of the other remake a few months ago, THE LITTLE MERMAID, is lifting the “ahem” spirits of the mouse house. So, even though Halloween is months away, are filmgoers in the mood for some scares and laughs in a return stay at the HAUNTED MANSION?

This time out, the story starts with a flashback as we’re on hand for a “meet cute” between research scientist Ben (LaKeith Stanfield) and Alyssa (Charity Jordan) at a New Orleans house party. Then the tale returns to the present day as a now single, and boozy Ben makes a meager living by guiding Big Easy visitors on paranormal tours of the town. Meanwhile, way out of town, a single mother, Gabbie (Rosario Dawson), and her skittish, awkward pre-teen son Travis (Chase Dillon) have taken possession of a big dusty old mansion, hoping to transform it into a quaint “bed and breakfast”. Ah, but it seems that the current undead occupants will have none of that. The duo races to a nearby motel, but the ghosts are “attached” (like gum on the bottom of a shoe). Back in the city, Ben is approached by a local priest named Kent (Owen Wilson). He’s heard that Ben had invented a special camera that captures spectral images when he worked at a big tech lab. With the promise of quick cash, Ben agrees to visit the place. After dismissing their claims, the spirits convince him. To “cleanse” the place, Ben will need “back-up. He and Kent assemble a “dream time”, enlisting a local psychic, Harriet (Tiffany Hadish), and a loopy college historian. Professor Davis (Danny DeVito). But can their combined talents thwart the supernatural forces tormenting the mother and her son?

Unlike the 2003 edition, which seemed to be fashioned as a “star vehicle” for the now (at the time) “family-friendly” Eddie Murphy, the studio has “spread the wealth’ to give us an all-star cast, even tossing in a couple of Oscar-winners (one very recent). Stanfield has opted to try some lighter fare, and he tries to get us invested in the now burnt-out Ben. He puts in an effort, but his story arc is too downbeat. It seems the writers wanted to spark a romance with Dawson’s Gabby, but the dynamic genre staple is giving less to do and spends most of the story looking for his son while fleeing the whispy creeps. Wilson is always entertaining as a motor-mouthed hustler, though the motivations for Keith aren’t too clear. Ditto for the ever-entrancing DeVito who is a cannonball of history trivia bouncing from room to room in panic over meeting his “research subjects”. Haddish conveys a haughty regal demeanor as Harriet when she’s not throwing in a bit of sassy shade as she calculates her cut of this “job”. Oh, the awarded actors include a confined (we mostly just see her face) Jamie Lee Curtis as Madame Leota, the guide in the globe, connecting her to “this side”. And the other pal of Oscar, well I don’t want to spoil it, but as the “hatbox Ghost”, you can barely recognize this “joker” (hint).

Rather than going with an “effects” filmmaker, or an Animator (like Rob Minkoff who helmed the first one), the studio has handed the reins (after “flirting” with Guillermo del Toro) to social satirist Justin Simien (DEAR WHITE PEOPLE, the feature and series), who scores with a couple of nifty spook-filled set pieces, even evoking moments from classic paranormal tales. Unfortunately, even with these comic vets, many of the jokes fall flat. dragging down the pace making the end result a very long wait between the clever nods to the enduring ride (my favorite in the Florida locale). Despite the talented screenwriter behind the 2016 GHOSTBUSTERS all-women reboot (which I will continue to defend), it only inspires a few chuckles as it slowly marches to the big otherworldly “throw-down”. It may be due to some odd choices, especially in the early first meeting between Ben and Gabby, witching from wonky profile close-ups to a truly awkward “hand-held” ending. Plus it’s set in modern times, so why does Gabby dress like an early 60s office clerk while her son could be playing one of Andy Hardy’s school buddies? It just takes us out of the story, True, the scary stuff is toned down for the ‘wee ones, but they may be fast asleep long before many of them appear. I enjoy old creeky houses, but not creeky storytelling which is the real downfall of this HAUNTED MANSION.

2 Out of 4

HAUNTED MANSION is now playing in theatres everywhere