JURASSIC WORLD DOMINION – Review

Hey, even though we haven’t really unpacked from last weekend’s summer vacation jaunt to FIRE ISLAND, are you ready for some more “globe-hopping”? Perhaps you’re in the mood for another island getaway near the tropics. Well, Isla Nublar off the coast of Costa Rica has been a real “cinema destination” for almost thirty years. Until about four years ago when a volcano wiped out its theme park and its major attractions; lots and lots of genetically engineered dinosaurs. Now you recall the place…er…park. Ah, but those adaptable “thunder lizards” didn’t expire under a wave of molten lava. Their fate, along with their various protectors, researchers, and exploiters, is revealed in this weekend’s big, really massive, studio feature film. So, is it the sixth in the franchise or the finale in the second trilogy? That distinction can be debated at the multiplexes when audiences experience JURASSIC WORLD DOMINION.

To get everyone up to speed (it’s been four years now), a faux cable TV news feature tells us the story of that lost island, the transfer of the dinosaurs to America (and eventually all around the globe), and the missing rumored cloned granddaughter, Maisie (Isabella Sermon) of the original park founder John Hammond. As a sidebar we’re told of eccentric inventor Lewis Dodgson (Campbell Scott), whose tech firm, BioSyn wants to provide a sanctuary for the dinos where they can be studied in hopes of providing cures for many of mankind’s problems (disease, famine, etc.). We’re then sent to the Northwestern US where former “raptor-wrangler” Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) is playing “cowboy” as he and his team coral different dinos into a “safe” secret area, away from gangs of nefarious “poachers. Ah, his lady love Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard) is also doing her bit, but leading another team to liberate captured creatures at a mysterious lab/farm. The duo reunites in the secluded cabin they share with Maisie, who can’t resist speeding into town, and a lumber camp, with her bike. On one of her forest walks, she and Owen find this his old raptor Blue has given birth (a miracle). But there’s no time for rejoicing as both Maisie and Blue, Jr. are snatched up by the poacher gang, who seem to be working for someone with “big pockets’. Meanwhile, in West Texas, gigantic prehistoric locusts are decimating farmlands. A noted expert rushes there to investigate: Dr. Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern). But after examining one of the bugs, she brings in another “pair of eyes”, namely her old science partner Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill). Their findings point them to BioSyn, which now employs their old pal, Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) as a consultant. Across the country, Owen and Claire get a tip that Maisie and the baby raptor are going to Malta, where they’ll be put on a private jet to…you guessed it…BioSyn. There they hook up with a freelance pilot, Kayla (DeWanda Wise) to infiltrate the tech giant’s fortress-like lab in a wooded area in the “middle of nowhere”. Can they rescue the kidnapped duo? And will this intrepid trio cross paths with another, slightly older, but equally brainy and brave trio?

The biggest marketing “draw” for this flick is the reuniting of the main casts of the first and second trilogies (much like a certain “space saga”), so let’s start with the veterans of the 1990s (alright, into 2001). Dern shines the brightest of the trio as her Dr. Sattler is a more dynamic, “take charge” protagonist, able to keep her “cool” much longer than in the first flick, though she can still deliver that wide-eyed gaze of “awe’ as she tilts her head skyward (before letting out a wail), Neill is the dogged, a bit dour, “bone duster” who wants to grab at what might be his last chance and adventure (and Ellie). Goldblum seems to be doing a riff (perhaps even a parody) of his talk show/TV ads persona with his still halting, hesitant delivery (could he be turning into Shatner) while having a bit of fun with some social media “meme-fodder” of the first couple of “park jaunts”. As for the “kids”, Pratt gets little time to exercise his “hangdog’ screen charms before he’s in solid “action-hero mode” defying gravity and bouncing from one crash to the next with nary a scratch. Howard has a rougher time returning as Claire, now in “sensible footwear, but still the franchise’s “scream queen” though her “mama Grizzly” instinct has “switched on” thanks to her bonding with Maisie. Sermon has all the required teen “eye-rolling” and rebellious snark that most movie pre-teens exhibit, but with a touch of smart “self-discovery” as she learns of her true “origin story”. The big new addition to the “tentpole” is Scott as the current model of the big action flick “baddie”, as the vicious Russian mob kingpins are sent to the “straight-to-home-video” thrillers to make way for the socially awkward, twitchy, self-absorbed “brainiac”, an amalgam of media-savvy wunderkinds (the formula: a pinch of Musk, a dash of Zuckerburg, a hint of Gates, etc.). But there’s another good guy…er..lady tossed in as Wise puts a modern spin on the old scrappy “air jockeys”, who may bark, but will take you “up” for all the right reasons (“She’s held together by spit and chewing gum, but this ole’ bird’ll get you where ya’ need ta’ go!”). Oh, and there’s a supporting player from all the films, BD Wong as Dr. Wu, who’s more of a “sad scientist” than a mad one (“I can make things right”), while Omar Sy and Justice Smith, from WORLDs one and two, lend a brief hand in cameos.

Ugh, where to begin with this flick, that feels like two flicks clumsily smooshed together (it’s that old Reese’s Cup TV spot, “You got…in my…”). The movie’s momentum is completely “off the tracks” as we’re tossed back and forth from the “OG” dino trio to the recent couple as the script (it took three scribes) lurches from one locale (too many establishing subtitles …”Utah”, “Malta”, “West Texas”) and even switches genres as the action sequences in (again) Malta feels like a “Mission Impossible” extended chase, but with near-unstoppable CGI dinos (hey, I was hoping the looong pursuit might take them past the Sweethaven sets from 1980’s POPEYE…that’s how distracted I was). And then there were clumsy attempts at humor while lifting bits from better films. We see Goldberg doling out wisdom during a dull lecture, intercut with close-ups of his adoring, rapturous students (I expected one to have “I love you” scribbled on her eyelids). Of course, the leader of the poachers had greasy long hair and sneering southern accent (“Ah’ll git’ th’ gal fer ya’!”). Everything comes together (somewhat) when the “teams” unite during a big “destroy the HQ” sequence that goes on forever (“We need the passcodes”) where the dinos ignore the humans while they engage in a WWE-style “smackdown”. And LOCUSTS?! Really, who goes to a big dinosaur epic in hopes of seeing Corgi-sized grasshoppers…on fire (if only it were as campy and silly as the late show staple THE BEGINNING OF END with the much-missed Peter Graves). Of course re-introducing, these ancient behemoths to the planet would cause epic eco-damage, but aside from some highway encounters, they seem to be an inconvenience. After skipping the last installment Colin Trevorrow has returned to the director’s chair (oh, he was a writer on this, too), but his prior efforts don’t help to relieve the tedium as each character must engage in a heroic act for the admiration of their peers, while the CGI critters lumber in from the background to try and keep our attention. This is a movie “mess-terpiece” that should only satisfy the most diehard franchise fans eager to see “the band get back together”. It’s a shame the reunion is for the convoluted cinematic chaos of JURASSIC WORLD DOMINION. It’s pure prehistoric pablum.

One and a Half Out of Four

JURASSIC WORLD DOMINION is now playing in theatres everywhere