UGLYDOLLS – Review

Summer break is fast approaching so it must be time for another toy “tie-in” feature animated flick. Well, to be honest, the “break’ thing shouldn’t matter since this subject’s “core” audience is probably “pre-pre-K” (guess that’s a thing). Early this year we saw the follow-up to the surprise hit THE LEGO MOVIE from 2014. So, how about another “property” that’s a tad more cuddly than those hard interlocking plastic blocks. We’re a few months away from the fourth visit with Woody, Buzz, and their pals so maybe this is a “softer warm-up” showcasing a toy line that’s been around since 2001 (that long…I am so out of it). And, going by the brand name, we may be in for a lesson or two with the big screen debut of UGLYDOLLS.

This story begins inside a big zany factory, with conveyor belts and robotic big shoes that press down on fabric (you expect to hear Raymond Scott’s “Powerhouse” on the soundtrack). The cheery narrator informs us that this is the place that makes dolls for all the world’s kiddies. Ah, but when a doll doesn’t pass “quality control” standards, it’s sent down a tube that empties into Uglyville, a sunny village on a big hillside next to a beach. The happiest of its residents is Moxy (voice of Kelly Clarkson), who always believes that this is the day that she’ll go to the “Big World” and be a child’s cherished toy. Mayor Ox (Blake Shelton) tries to temper her enthusiasm, but the optimistic miss gets a plan. She and her pals will go up that tube and find the kids that will love them. It isn’t long before she enlists “party master” Uglydog (Pit Bull), chef Wage (Wanda Sykes), hulking Babo (Gabriel Iglesias), and timid Lucky Bat (Leehom Wong). Team Moxy makes it up through the tube/slide, but instead of the Big World, they land in Perfection, where dolls are groomed and tested prior to being assigned kids. They try to blend in, but soon they catch the eye of the guy in charge, the smooth, slick, perfectly coifed Lou (Nick Jonas). Surprisingly he agrees to put the UglyDolls through training tests to prepare them for the final challenge, a mechanical two-story suburban house called “The Gauntlet”. Luckily Moxy and her crew are given a sympathetic guide/coach, the bespectacled Mandy (Jannelle Monae). But secretly Lou sends his “Spy Girls” (Bebe Rexha, Charli XCX, and Lizzo) on a mission to capture Mayor Ox. Just what does Lou have up his perfectly tailored sleeve? Is there any chance that Moxy and her friends will make it to the Big World?

Well, they all can’t be Pixar. Or Disney Animation. Or Sony (the ones that did the Spidey-Verse). Or…etc. One thing we can thank director Kelly Asbury for…it clocks in under 90 minutes. Still, it feels padded and streeeetched! The film seems to be aiming for the bubbly bouncing fun of 2016’s TROLLS, along with its everything’s pretty vibe, but it stumbles and tumbles almost straight “out of the gate”. Most of the main core of characters are nearly interchangeable, with only the main colors and a few voices (notably Sykes’ sarcastic screech and Shelton’s soulful drawl being the only stand-outs). The same could be said (though it’s intended) of the denizens of Perfection, particularly the Spy Girls who are aligned with Lou, one of the weakest animated villains ever (the listless line readings from Jonas don’t help). Perhaps this plays best with the toddler set, but the tendency to end nearly every sequence with the dolls faces nearly pressed against the (imagined) camera lens (either in a wide-mouthed grin or an overused smirk from Lou) quickly becomes grating. Ditto for the repetitive pop ballads that literally stop the story dead “in its tracks”. These are generally used to “sledgehammer” home the message of self-esteem and acceptance that sink the turgid script from Alison Peck (based on the characters created by David Horvath and Sun-min Kim). The wall to wall chatter from the “stunt” celebrity cast mixed with a cloying score will add to the overall irritation to adult (and more sophisticated kids) senses. This all may be a fine “cinema sitter” for the very youngest of movie audiences (maybe a first film for many), but why subject any older viewers to this drivel. UGLYDOLLS is a not so pretty multiplex mess.

1/2 Out of 5