POMS -Review

Ready?! Begin (I think that may be how they still start cheers)! Time to take a little detour from the Summer blockbuster super-highway, down that little rundown side street that leads to the “grindhouse”, just a few miles before the drive-in. A staple of those “low rent” movie outlets were those slightly naughty little flicks, usually featuring a bevy of young beauties often fresh from Hef’s grotto (and magazine, of course). Now, the settings and titles of these flicks usually sprung from a profession like nursing (THE STUDENT NURSES and CANDY STRIP NURSES), even TV “spokeswomen” (GAME SHOW MODELS). Then there were the “cheer” flicks like CHEERLEADERS’ BEACH PARTY and the 76 classic THE POM POM GIRLS. And in that spirit comes this new film starring…hold on. These are more mature actresses, a couple of them are 70s screen icons (in their 70s). Let’s see if this still has lots of pep as they dazzle us with their POMS.

The story starts with the “estate sale” of Martha (Diane Keaton), her life’s belongings scattered about (with price “post-it” notes) on the sidewalk in front of an alley in “Urban City USA”. Since she has no husband or kids, everything “gotta’ go”. Once that’s done, she loads her one travel bag and a small beaten-up cardboard box into her SUV and hits the road. At a rest/gas stop she takes a call from her doctor’s office. No, she won’t reschedule her chemo treatments, rather she cancels them. Her “final” destination is a retirement community in Georgia to, in her words, “wait to die”. Ah, but everybody’s enjoying their “golden years”, chugging around on small electric golf carts. After checking in with the private security supervisor (Bruce McGill), Martha is overwhelmed by the welcoming committee, headed by “queen bee” Vicki (Celia Weston) who extolls their activities and tells her, “If you don’t find a club to join, start one”. At her new home, Martha meets her frisky, free-spirited neighbor Sheryl (Jackie Weaver) who likes to break the rules by crashing funerals (free food) and housing her teenage grandson Ben (Charlie Tahan). One night Sheryl finds Martha’s old cheerleading sweater popping out of that battered moving box. She asks to borrow it in order to “spice up” a future “date”. But this inspires Martha to start a cheerleading squad/club. But Vicki’s not keen on it and insists they have 8 members. Auditions are held, and thanks to Olive (Pam Grier), Alice (Rhea Perlman) and another feisty foursome, they reach their goal. But will Vicki put a stop to it? And what happens when a disastrous public performance is put online? Will Martha (who’s secretly fighting cancer) and the ladies give up when they become a viral video laughing stock?

This “cheer club” boasts a veteran actress “dream team”. Keaton has the most compelling “story arc’ as Martha goes from being sour and sullen to revitalized as she finds a reason to keep going, to just get up in the morning. And as with many of her recent characters, her Martha is a focused force of nature who meets all of the film’s “villains” (at least three) head on. As Sheryl, Weaver has an infectious “naughty girl” grin (in classic TV terms, she’s the “Blanche”) as she tosses off tart retorts, hatches bits of mischief, and becomes the lil’ devil on Martha’s right shoulder (whispering new schemes into her ear). Perlman’s Alice goes through her own transformation as subservient housekeeper to a spirited extrovert who delights in standing up for herself and her new “sisters”. Grier projects an earthy charm as Olive, though she’s given little to, other than “jump-starting” her stable but staid marriage (turns out that hubby always dreamed of bedding a cheerleader). Weston spews mint julep-flavored venom as the smiling Southern-bell barracuda. McGill is a great flustered comic foil as the ineffectual “lawman”. Tahan is very good as the nerdy misfit who’s also taken under Martha’s wing and taught to fly. Mainly her soars about the lovely Alisha Boe as the captain of the local high school cheer team who becomes an unlikely ally to Martha’s club.

Documentarian Zara Hayes makes her narrative film debut with this “by the numbers” “feel good’ inspirational comedy, giving the cast a nice, polished sheen, but pacing the story like a beefed up basic cable film. That’s dictated by the episodic screenplay she co-wrote with Shane Atkinson. Truly it plays almost like the first three or four episodes of a sitcom for Lifetime or the Hallmark Channel. There are loads of “bonding” montages mixed in with the practice sessions sequences. Every ten or twelve minutes a sneering cardboard villain pops up (as in those target ranges) be it Vicki or a member’s “square’ son or a trite teen “bad girl”, they’re easily overcome by the squad’s smiles and “positive vibes”. One character goes from antagonist to promoter so quickly that the viewer may be in danger of whiplash. Several subplots never really “pay off” (the youngsters’ romance goest flat), while some tepid slapstick (an uninspired car chase grinds everything to a halt) invoke more tedium than hilarity (that viral video). The story stumbles about for its 90 minutes toward the most predictable triumphant underdog ending that jumps from maudlin sentimentality to a ridiculous “YouTube’-styled sensation (worldwide, eh, sure…). The release date weekend is cued to the big holiday, but this turgid trek would be a most mediocre dessert at the end of a nice brunch (despite the many mimosas). This cast deserves better because they’re just as “Marvel-ous’ as the women in the still big blockbuster. There’s little pep (or originality) in these POMS.

1.5 Out of 5