WHAT THEY HAD – Review

Blythe Danner (left) stars as “Ruth” and Michael Shannon (right) stars as “Nick” in Elizabeth Chomko’s WHAT THEY HAD, a Bleecker Street release. Credit: Bleecker Street

It is a problem more and more families grapple with: at what point do you move a parent with Alzheimer or other dementia out of their home? In the case of the family in WHAT THEY HAD, the problem of Mom’s mental decline is complicated by the fact that her husband still wants to care for her at home, although it is becoming clear that he can’t.

WHAT THEY HAD explores the challenges of their adult children, played by Hilary Swank and Michael Shannon, as they try to decide what is best for their mother (Blythe Danner) whose progressing dementia is now putting her at risk. This increasingly common family challenge is complicated by the fact that two lives are impacted:by the decision of what to do: both their increasingly confused mother and her still-sharp devoted husband, as it becomes clear that he can no longer care for her alone.

WHAT WE HAD explores this subject in a realistic and affecting way, delving into all the complications that can make it even harder to solve. This strong drama can been seen as a kind of companion piece to STILL ALICE, which takes the audience inside the experience of a women dealing with her own advancing mental decline. In writer/director Elizabeth Chomko’s family drama, the focus is less on the person with the diagnosis than on her family, her husband of many years and their two grown children. The film is also a kind of sweet love story of two long-married people, and the reluctance of one to let go of the other..

Bridget (Hilary Swank) and her teen daughter comes home to Chicago, seemingly for a Christmas visit with her parents. In fact, she is there at her brother Nick’s (Michael Shannon) request, to help him decide what to do about their mother Ruth (Blythe Danner). The problem is illustrated in an opening scene, when the confused Ruth happily ventures out of her home into the snowy night in her nightgown and a light jacket. They find her and she is all right, but it is a alarming wake-up call for the family. Bert (Robert Forster) insists he can still take care of his wife Ruth but their son Nick, who lives in town, is frustrated with increasing late-night emergency calls. He wants his sister to help him convince their father that the time has come to place their mother in a memory care facility.

Mom’s mental decline sets up a family confrontation. Dad stubbornly refuses to consider the memory care facility his son has picked out, insisting he can still care for his wife at home. Part of the reason for his refusal is that they would be separated – she in memory care and he at a senior apartment nearby. Daughter Bridget is conflicted, not wanting to force her father to accept her brother’s solution, and worrying about his mental state, but also unwilling to confront her strong-willed father. There is also a little denial on her part, since living far away, Bridget does not fully grasp her mother’s decline the way her brother does.

This fine cast explores the issues of caring for an aging parent and the dynamics of this family. with a number of well-crafted performances. While Swank plays the adult child avoiding the acceptance of what is happening to her parents, as well as daughter still intimidated by her forceful father, Shannon plays the son who wants to take charge and just quickly solve the problem, without anyone’s input. It is a common dynamic in families face with this issue but Shannon and Swank flesh out there characters and the sibling’s somewhat contentious relationship in a believable style.

Blythe Danner plays Ruth with immense charm, a woman still retaining her sense of humor and sunny personality, even as she becomes detached from what is going one and even forgetful about who family members are. She completely nails the way someone with Alzheimer’s at this point can move in and out of her confusion, sometimes lucid and other times not sure who her family members are or where she is. The banter between her and her husband Bert is cute, with the couple teasing playfully and calling each other “you turkey.” While Ruth mostly shrugs it off her forgetfulness, it is more upsetting to Swank’s Bridget. Brusque Nick, seeing this progress up close, deflates his sister’s attempts to ignore it, sometimes harshly, and presses his sister to persuade their father to accept his solution.

What makes this such a moving family drama are the complicated characters that this talent cast creates, and the relationships between them it so effectively explores. Shannon seems to be good in any role, and he imbues Nick with a kind of inner pain under his sometimes gruff exterior. Swank as also good as his sister, who wants to pretend the problem isn’t there even if she knows it is. The best work in many ways are between Forster and Danner, as the husband unwilling to let go of the beloved wife who is nonetheless slipping away

WHAT THEY HAD is an honest and touching exploration of a dilemma that increasing numbers of families face, but the drama is lifted beyond a message film by the nuanced characters created by this strong cast and the affectionate if somewhat feisty bond between them.

RATING: 4 out of 5 stars