DON VERDEAN – The Review

Okay film fanatics, when you hear the word archeologist, who do you immediately think of? That’s simple, you picture the rugged Harrison Ford as the dashing, whip-crackin’ Henry Jones, Junior better known as Indiana Jones, first introduced in 1981’s RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (hmm, that itself may be an ancient artifact). First and foremost he’s a dashing action hero, but he’s also a man of ethics and morals, stated in his catchphrase “It belongs in a museum!”, along with his other sayings “Snakes. I hate ’em!” and “It’s not the years, it’s the mileage”. So are all seekers of the past, so noble? Well, the title character of the new film from the makers of NAPOLEON DYNAMITE certainly doesn’t follow in the well-worn boots of ole’ Indy. He’s got few qualms about fudging the facts and digging where he’s not permitted. So forget about Dr. Jones as you meet the down and out DON VERDEAN.

The film begins with old grainy VHS footage of the celebrated exploits of Don (Sam Rockwell) as the breathless narrator tells of his “discovery” of a most dubious item right out of the Old Testament. We flash forward from the decades old promo tape to find Don lecturing at a modest church auditorium to a handful of people. As he concludes, the meager throng is guided toward a table where Don’s prim and proper assistant Carol (Amy Ryan) is selling copies of his latest book. As the two pack up, Don ponders their future (and Carol wonders when she’ll be paid for her work). Luckily she gets a call from the head of a big, bustling “mega-church”, Tony Lazarus (Danny McBride). When Don and Carol meet with the church’s board of directors, Tony explains that the hip, “new-age” type temple down the street, run by the turtleneck wearing Pastor Fontaine (Will Forte), is depleting his flock. He needs an edge, and asks Don to acquire a new bible treasure that they can put on display in order to fill the pews once more. Don calls on some “desert rats” in Israel led by the shady Boaz (Jermaine Clement). The piece is shipped to the states and attracts a big crowd, including Fontaine who casts doubts on its authenticity. Tony insists on more displays so Carol and Don fly out to meet with Boaz. Don “bends the rules” and he returns with Carol and a big “find”. Unfortunately Boaz is part of the deal and the con man dives headlong into US culture (and insists on “dating” Carol). Word of the new artifact attracts the attention of a Japanese billionaire who wants to acquire the greatest treasure from the New Testament (you know that one, Indy fans). Can Don and Boaz pull off this caper or are they part of a bigger con?

Those coming to this film hoping to see the snarky, energetic Rockwell from LAGGIES and THE WAY WAY BACK will be at a bit of a loss. Almost unrecognizable in a frizzy auburn wig and matching bushy beard, sam’s Don V is clumsy and brusk, his brow furrowed almost to the point of constipation. The only time he shifts into high gear is when he must hurriedly double talk his latest “mark”. This makes for a character that’s tough to root for or often care about. It’s difficult to understand the dedication and devotion of Ryan’s Carol. After wonderful turns this past year in GOOSEBUMPS and BRIDGE OF SPIES, she expertly inhabits this buttoned-down lady (complete with severe, unflattering spectacles), but this talented actress has little to do until she must deflect the unwanted advances of Boaz. This clueless schemer is played by Clement as the dimbulb off-spring of Borat and “wild and crazy guys” from SNL, but with little of the charm. His odd, “inverse inflection” accent makes his dialogue a chore to decipher. This is frustrating when you consider his inspired work as the sexiest vamp in the recent WHAT WE DO IN SHADOWS. McBride is doing a toned-down, less “potty-mouthed” riff on his characters from TV’s “Eastbound and Down” and countless movie “lowlifes” (he does have a nice rapport with Leslie Bibb as his ex-hooker wife). Forte makes the rival pastor an offshoot of his many twitchy, self-important boobs from SNL (again!) and his current Fox sitcom.

So, we’ve got a very talented funny cast scrambling to wring laughs from this rambling, inert script by the brothers Hess and the slack direction by Jared. They struck gold with the awkward antics of Napoleon and his pals, but this just seems to be drained of life (and laughs). Like the earlier flick, we get that everybody’s a bit dim, but did they really make the church-goers into such clueless “rubes”? Carol’s given a troubled back story, perhaps to give the plot a touch of pathos, but it’s buried beneath the turgid, tired antics of the annoying, aggravating Boaz. These actors deserved much better material, as does anyone in search of a vibrant comedy caper. This is one script that DON VERDEAN should have left unearthed, deep, deep underground. As you-know-who might say, “Don’t look, Marion!”.

2 Out of 5

DON VERDEAN opens everywhere and screens exclusively in St. Louis at the Chase Park Plaza Cinemas