THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 3 (FINAL SEQUENCE) – The Review

100% Politically incorrect. 100% Medically accurate, so claims Tom Six. 100% complete garbage. Harsh? Not really.

I am not going to step onto a soap box and preach to you about how some films have gone too far. Please, go further. I am not going to rant about how certain things should never be portrayed on film. Please, push the envelope and break boundaries. I will not call for censorship and restraint in exercising free speech. Please, by all means, shock and disgust us till the cows come home. However, what I will do, is to persistently and relentlessly call things as I see them.

This movie is garbage. Not because its vulgar or offensive, but because its a failure. I have seen the entire trilogy now, and while in all honesty I can admit that I am no big fan of the franchise as a whole, my disdain reaches its monumental peak with THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 3 (FINAL SEQUENCE).

Writer and director Tom Six, I presume, has delusions of grandeur around the misguided endeavor to become the next John Waters… I shutter to think. No, sir. I admire the tenacity, but no. I equate these movies more to the ranks of Troma, and yet I enjoy most Troma films. What is the difference, you ask? Intent. Context. Story.

Despite not rating it highly, I actually give THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE — the first installment — fair marks for originality, a daring disregard for consequences and the spirit of breaking rules and ruffling feathers. With that said, a great film it was not. THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 received even less praise from me, for reasons you can read in my review, but everything that made the first film original and daring and that made the second film over the top and grotesquely enjoyable in a twisted sort of late night cultish way, all of that has gone completely MIA in the third film.

So, what remains? Let me illustrate. Did you notice how I plugged my own review for the second film in the previous paragraph? Now, imagine if I were to do that in each and every paragraph of this review. THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 3 attempts to poke fun at itself, repeatedly referring to the first two films by way of integrating them into the story. Everyone’s favorite little round oddity, Laurence R. Harvey, returns again, this time playing Dwight Butler, a Hitler-stache sporting accountant for a prison. Dwight is a fan of the first two films, and with the current system failing as a deterrent to criminals, he is desperately trying to convince the warden that he has the answer to their problems in his HUMAN CENTIPEDE DVDs.

Unfortunately for Dwight, the warden is a tough nut to crack. Warden Bill Boss, played by the creepy Dieter Laser from the first two films as well, is an assault on the senses. I can honestly say that, while watching Harvey play Dwight, I can grin a little. Conversely, watching Laser play Warden Boss is a fate worse than being strapped down and forced to watch every episode of The Bachelorette CLOCKWORK ORANGE style.

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 3 offers Dieter Laser spewing sexist, racist, and all around offensively senseless jibberish, screaming and convulsing all over the big screen while Harvey’s Dwight persistently nags at him to listen to his idea to turn the rowdy inmates into a massive human centipede using the medically accurate concept from the first two movies, while porn star turned “actress” Bree Olson provides eye candy as the sheepish, intellectually dull secretary/Warden’s play thing.

Still interested? But wait, there’s more. You would think Dwight were the central character. No. Harvey had his 15 minutes of fame as the central character in part 2. In part 3, its Laser’s show. Despite the title, the creation of the infamous human centipede takes place almost entirely in the last act, and a quick one at that. Until that time, we get copious amounts of Laser acting like a complete and total raving lunatic… but, hey, maybe that’s what will ultimately sell the movie, but if you expect it to be anything like the first two films, beware.

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 3, for those gorehounds out there, is also a let down. You saw the height of gore in part 2. Part 3 offers a key scene of testicular terror, but aside from that, the few scenes of disgust that are present equate to sight gags and gross-out humor, but nothing truly graphic.

Finally, for good measure, THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 3 provides a cameo by Tom Six as himself — big surprise — and features Eric Roberts as the Governor seeking re-election, relying on Warden Boss and Dwight to turn their numbers around and make him look good. As for Roberts, not sure how this movie is supposed to make him look good, but I certainly hope he wasn’t that hard up for cash. Watching him in this movie, it became abundantly clear he had better things to be doing.

Overall Rating: 1 out of 5 stars