CABIN FEVER: PATIENT ZERO – The Review

Directed by Kaare Andrews. With Sean Astin, Currie Graham, Ryan Donowho.

I used to watch any horror movie I could put my hands on, back in the good old days of VHS. Going to the different tape rental outlets in St. Louis, (remember Mom and Pop video rental stores? St. Louis used to be full of them.)

Getting to see movies like Re-Animator or Scanners in a theater was a very special treat. I could even enjoy the by-the-numbers of a Friday the 13th or Halloween entry. Blood and gore never bothered me, the more the better. If the movie wasn’t really scary maybe it might have been funny or so bad it was good.

Now, I don’t know, maybe it’s from getting old and having so little time to waste on these kinds of films. I find more of my time taken up with rediscovered silent films, off the wall documentaries, mainstream Hollywood product (if it was made by people I trust,) and of course independent films.

Which brings me to CABIN FEVER: PATIENT ZERO, apparently the third in this franchise. I did see the original Cabin Fever, on dvd. Enjoyed it moderately, I liked the off the wall humor of the piece. I especially liked the goofy young cop on a bicycle “it’s all about the parties’ man!” I like Eli Roth’s style and sense of humor, although I have not seen the Hostel films.

I have not seen Cabin Fever 2 either, and first, there is no Cabin this time. I guess Tent Fever wouldn’t sound too great. What we have is a small group of young people, three guys and one girlfriend, spending the night on a small island in the Caribbean, to celebrate one of the group’s last night of being a bachelor.

Wouldn’t you know it this particular island is home to a research lab and quarantine facility staffed with a lot of people, (for a desert island) who are trying to deal with an outbreak of a flesh eating virus. They are holding captive Sean Astin who seems to be immune to the virus. A good many of the staff is sent home before our bachelor party arrives so the body count is fairly small for this sort of thing.

But the mayhem and carnage that ensues is quite spectacular. Like the original Cabin Fever this flesh eating virus, well…it causes the flesh to fall off your bones, like a Thanksgiving turkey that’s been in a steamer all day. There is more pus and entrails and rotting flesh in this thing than all the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies combined. This is gross out city folks, you have been warned.

In the most spectacular set piece the girl in the party group gets infected early on, so does her boyfriend. While the guys are searching the island to find out what is going on the once pretty young thing starts to look like an EC Comics character. The makeup effects are really good, maybe too good. Of course one of the research personnel, also a once attractive young lady, also gets very infected, and, wouldn’t you know it, we have the inevitable cat fight. Only these young women can’t get a grip on each other because their flesh keeps coming off the bone! So naturally they start beating each other with hunks of flesh oozing blood and pus, flinging body fluids in every direction. Eventually they look like two bloody skeletons locked in a squishy embrace.

I am not making this up. I can only imagine the work days for these actors with this much makeup, and filming in a real tropical location, this had to have been a tough production.

There are a couple of good jump out of your seat scares, but just barely. This is a horror movie that goes for the gross out. I was actually reminded of a true icon of body horror, The Incredible Melting Man, same idea, just better make up effects.

CABIN FEVER: PATIENT ZERO is very competently made, photographed, acted, good stunt work, all of that. But it never really catches that spark of imagination of a movie from say, Lucio Fulci or George Romero.

I actually liked it well enough, just not enough to say go out and rent or buy it. What I found really sad is seeing Sean Astin already working with material like this. After the Lord of the Rings movies I thought he was destined for better things.

CABIN FEVER: PATIENT ZERO on VOD on June 26th and In Theaters and on iTunes on August 1st.