A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST – The Review

This weekend sees another step in the ever-expanding media empire of Seth MacFarlane. The Fox Tv animation mogul ventured into live-action feature films with 2012’s comedy hit TED (to be honest, the title character, a talking, walking stuffed bear, was done with CGI animation). In the last couple of years he’s produced a much applauded reboot of the science show “Cosmos” for Fox TV along with this, his follow-up feature film A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST. Yes it’s a comedy also, but it differs from the previous hit in a couple of big ways. TED was a contemporary buddy comedy, while WEST is a genre parody much like movies made by Woody Allen and Mel Brooks through ZAZ (the Zucker brothers and Jim Abrams) and the Wayans brothers. And while Ted’s human pal was played by the film’s lead, Mark Wahlberg, the lead role in this new film is played by the film’s cowriter, co-producer, and director the multitask master Mr. MacFarlane. So has he over-extended himself or does A MILLION WAYS produce a million laughs? Or at least ten or twelve? Saddle up, buckaroos!

After countless air shots of Monument Valley (what is this, THE LONE RANGER 2?) as a title backdrop, we plop down into the center of the tiny town of Old Stump circa 1882. An angry local rancher calls out sheep herder Albert Stark (MacFarlane) for a “high noon” style main street gunfight. Seems Albert’s sheep chowed down on his grazing land. But the desperate Albert weasels out of the showdown, much to the embarrassment of his sweetheart Louise (Amanda Seyfried). Later that day,over a picnic lunch, she breaks up with him. That evening he drowns his sorrows at the local saloon with his best pal, the timid, virginal Edward (Giovanni Ribisi) and his fiancée, hooker with a heart of gold Ruth (Sarah Silverman). The next day, a local prospector encounters the territory’s deadliest gunman Clinch Westwood (Liam Neeson) and his gang. After a one-sided gunfight, Clinch decides to split up the team. While he and most of the men will mount a dangerous train robbery, his wife Anna (Charlize Theron) and her brother Lewis will hold up in nearby Old Stump and await his return. Next night in town, Albert saves Anna from serious injury during a barroom brawl (started by Lewis). The two develop an easy rapport and decide to go to the town fair the next day. There Albert seethes with anger as he spies Louise on the arm of the owner of the town mustache emporium, Foy (Neil Patrick Harris) and he challges him to a gunfight. Anna steps in and postpones the showdown for a week in order to train the inept Albert. But something happens as the two spend more time together. Will she reveal the truth to him before Clinch returns?

With the Albert character MacFarlane seems to be going for the cowardly leading man hero that Bob Hope perfected in THE PALEFACE films, among many others, which several actors emulated from Danny Kaye to Don Knotts and Woody Allen. But Seth appears more inconvenienced and annoyed than truly terrified. He varies between a rapid-fire delivery (speeding to hit the next gag) to shouting out punchlines. The only time he relaxes is in his exchanges with the luminous Theron. In 2011 we got a taste of her smart comic sensibilities in the under-rated YOUNG ADULT. She and Seth have a nice, easy rapport, but she’s able to glide past the many jokes that land with a thud more than her co-stars. Hopefully she’ll be teamed with a comedy co-star that can keep pace with her. As for that other woman, Seyfried has little to do other than be a prize in the tug-of-war between Albert and Foy. She too has a great knack for comedy going all the back ten years to MEAN GIRLS. Still kudos to her for permitting the jokes about her big, anime’-style expressive eyes. Speaking of Foy, Harris easily handles the comic beats of the bullying dandy and shows his physical flair in the big showdown, still it’s a shame he’s not given a bit more to do. Ribisi does the wimpy cuckhold adroitly (he seems to alternate between this and gravelly lowlifes like his villain in CONTRABAND) as he listens to the graphic details of his gal’s working day, but most of the time he’s just a listening post for Albert’s rants. Silverman finally gets a film role that utilizes her wide-eyed dirty lil’ girl stand-up persona, but she too gets regulated to confidant. Neeson is allowed to hang on to his Irish brogue, but this sadistic monster (he points his pistol directly at the noggin of a tail-waggin’ pooch, the creep!) feels lifted from a somber, bloody Peckinpah shoot-em-up. There’s not a thing funny about this brute.

In that way the Clinch Westwood character (get it, like Clint…never mind) represents part of the movie’s problem. His scenes feel like a real Western thriller and doesn’t mesh with the modern riffs of Seth and his pals. I mean the almost constant barrage of “f-bombs” would make the residents of HBO’s “Deadwood” blush. It just comes off as the same lazy writing that hampered the much better TED and has been mocked in Seth’s animated TV shows (random violence with non-stop pop culture references). As a matter of fact, they’ve spoiled the best pop culture gag in the TV spots for the film (I won’t spoil it too, but the screening audience rewarded it with warm applause, no doubt from the affection for a much better film). A handful of early gags score some guffaws, but the film’s last act meanders all over the place with a pointless “tripping-out” dream sequence (you can afford CGI effects…that’s nice) before it sputters out of steam at just under two looong hours. But MacFarlane sets himself up for a fall in the opening titles that are  done with a block-dimensional Western font colored a warm campfire yellow/orange exactly like…the Mel Brooks classic BLAZING SADDLES, the film DIE desperately wants to be in its “let’s insult every group” script. But this isn’t close to the wit and (never thought I’d say this) subtlety of that 1974 (man, it holds up for a 40 year-old flick!) gem! Mel knew how to ration out the naughty words and the genitalia gags. Do we really need to view in close-up all the bodily secretions, really? There’s even a musical number, but the meager joke is the repeating of the word “mustache” squandering the impeccable song-and-dance skills of Harris. Uh, huh. The script by MacFarlane, along with TV cohorts Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild, gives up on the many ways to expire after the first half hour to concentrate on the three….THREE showdowns! So you got to play cowboy Seth, I trust you and your pals had more fun than the audience watching you. I’m sure there are A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST just as there are a million attempts at comedy that die at the multiplex. Happy, er, happier trails to you till we meet a-gain!

2 Out of 5