DOM HEMINGWAY – The Review

Oh, the curse of being an attractive film star! Nobody takes you seriously. Those poor, pretty people! Enough with the bitter sarcasm, I know, but there’s more than a bit of truth in it, especially for actresses. Often Oscar has rewarded them for “glamming-down”! Charlize Theron gained weight, wore fake choppers, and endured hours in the make-up chair for MONSTER and took home the gold as did Nicole Kidman when she donned a phony “schnozzola” in THE HOURS. And there’s reward in tackling a role from the down-trodden classes as Halle Berry did in MONSTER’S BALL. Of course, this is not exclusive actress strategy. Brad Pitt scored a nomination for his twitchy turn in 12 MONKEYS and just a few weeks ago mega-hunk Matthew McConaghuey grabbed Best Actor for going gaunt and sickly for DALLAS BUYERS CLUB. With DOM HEMINGWAY Brit glamour guy Jude Law has forsaken his usual sophisticated bon vivant persona ,as seen in THE TALENTED MR.RIPLEY and ALFIE, and gone grungy and low-class. Now Mr. L did tone things down as the cuckholed, husband of ANNA KARENINA, with a scruffy beard and spectacles in 2012, and his hitman/photog in 2002’s THE ROAD TO PERDITION sported crooked teeth and a bald pate, but here’s he’s going “all the way”. Let’s check them off: odd facial hair, paunchy mid-section, shaved-back hairline, gold-capped molar, poor fashion sense, and coarse, thuggish, drunken violent behavior. So, will Oscar be heading home with him after these extreme “make-under”?

The film begins as the prison doors swing open for convicted safe-cracker Dom (Law) after he’s completed a twelve-year stretch. After settling an old score he meets his “mate” Dickie (Richard E. Grant) for a pint or two at the old pub. Dickie tells Dom that their employer, crime boss Mr.Ivan Fontaine (Demian Bichir) is grateful that he kept his mouth shut and that they will travel to his home for Dom’s cut of the last big score. That trip is for the next morning after a night of “birds, booze, and blow” courtesy of Mr. F. When they arrive at the plush Fontaine estate, Dom is immediately taken aback by Ivan’s stunning companion Paolina (Madalina Ghenea). Soon a wild night of celebrating leaves Dom back on the London streets, looking to use his criminal skills, and trying to somehow re-connect with his estranged daughter Evelyn (Emilia Clarke).

Like a theatrical pitbull Law vigorously chomps down the script and never lets go, until he eventually begins gnoshing on the scenery. He’s made his mark many times over as the romantic lead and now he seems to really relish the chance to take a “walk on the wild side”. It’s a shame that we in the audience rarely share in his unbridled glee. Yes Mr. Law, you’re more than a handsome bloke, you have depth and range. But after the third screaming, uninterrupted three-minute monologue, Dom becomes tiresome, annoying, and more than a tad abrasive. A little of him goes a long, long way and none of the other characters (or the director) will shut his tirades down. Speaking of other characters, the talented Mr. Grant’s Dickie has little to do other than stare incredulously at the barking thug or look worried and fail to quiet him when one of those rants put both of them in grave jeopardy. The revelation of a physical challenge makes Dickie the butt of several forced jibes and sight gags. Grant deserves better, as does the Oscar-nominated Bichir as the cool, cultured kingpin who takes way too much guff from Dom. What kind of gangster would allow such disrespect, no matter how many years the guy kept his lips zipped? The female characters are given short shift as the guys shout and strut. Ghenea is there primarily as eye candy that sets the gears of the plot in motion. Kerry Condon as party girl Melody remains perky in fthe ace of Dom’s coarse diatribes, And the popular star of HBO’s “Game of Thrones” series, Clarke, does the best she can in an underwritten role as the neglected daughter who will not be charmed by her brutish pop.

The talented cast just can’t work miracles with a script that tries so hard to evoke the spirit of Guy Ritchie’s crime romps (hey, Law has been working for him as Dr. Watson in the over-produced SHERLOCK HOLMES flicks). Interestingly writer/director Richard Shepard has made a name for himself primarily in US TV, but he did have better luck helping Pierce Brosnan shake off his Bond image in 2005’s THE MATADOR.  There’s plenty of Ritchie touches like a couple of wild party scenes (quick cuts and blaring rock ‘n’ roll) and an extended ulta-slo-mo slapstick accident. While Dom would have been a spritely supporting goon in one of those farces, he’s just not compelling enough to carry us through to the contrived conclusion. The “mending broken family fences” second half seems like a half-hearted attempt at pathos (Dom’s really got a good heart beneath the swagger!). Law’s a truly gifted artist (we can erase that Chris Rock Oscar joke from a few years back), but despite his talents DOM HEMINGWAY’s not a very entertaining bloke.

2 Out of 5

DOM HEMINGWAY opens everywhere and screens exclusively in the St. Louis area at Landmark’s Plaza Frontenac Cinemas