THE LEGEND OF HERCULES – The Review

By Michael Haffner

The legend of Hercules has spawned several stories and films over the years.  Most famously in the 1950’s, Steve Reeves flexed his muscles as the son of Zeus.  Even famed horror maestro Mario Bava delivered a colorful take on the character in 1961 starring Reg Park traveling into the bowels of hell.  To say Renny Harlin’s take on the hero feels insignificant and down right trivial compared to these just as silly but fun earlier films says quite a lot.  So even though I love that Hollywood wants to bring back the sword and sandal adventures of yesteryear, I have to urge you to use all your strength and avoid this epic travesty.

In the year 1200 B.C, the merciless King Amphitryon makes his way across Greece conquering anyone who dares to oppose him. His wife, Queen Alcmene, concerned for her husband’s actions, turns to the gods for help and in turn is honored with the child of Zeus. His name, of course, is Hercules. Flash forward 20 years later and the King and his true birth son Iphicles still hold resentment for our muscular hero. Their desire for Iphicles to eventually marry Hebe, The Princess of Crete, and ascend to the throne leads them to conspire a plan to force Hercules out of the kingdom. Much to their disappointment, it is in fact their double-crossing and Hercules’ eventual gladiatorial enslavement, that leads the son of Zeus to fulfill his destiny.

Hercules has never felt more wooden and emotionless, as the only direction it seems that Kellan Lutz is given is to simply pose with pursed lips and a furrowed brow. In fact, the inconsistent 3D presentation is about the only element that has any depth to this tonally flat film. Director Renny Harlin attempts to combine equal parts seriousness with tongue-in-cheek fun. As you would expect from the director who gave us CUTTHROAT ISLAND, neither are handled with very much skill. Several action scenes constructed around gladiatorial battles are thrown in to pad out the sagging middle. Visuals of giant slow-motion leaps in the air and spears flying into the face of the viewer begin to wear thin after the fiftieth time. What becomes even more tiresome than that is the decision to utilize the 3D element all the more by having flower petals, poppies, dust, and raindrops descend in the foreground of the screen. If I counted correctly – which I may not have since I almost fell asleep a few times – I believe there were seven instances of this unnecessary and nauseating use of 3D.

I’m not one to cry foul of films like this that treat the women as merely objects as it seems that was the unfortunate case during this time period. Yet there’s a huge difference between having characters within the film treat the women as objects and having the film’s writers structure the character as simply objects. Not a single female character in the film, albeit there really is only two, are given anything to do other than be pushed around by controlling men. The crux of the whole plot is the love between Hercules and Hebe. This could function as a probable plot device if only the four screenwriters who concocted this empty drivel of a script took the time to set-up the love story. The first time we see the two characters they are riding on horseback towards a scenic area where they then proceed to show each other affection. We are left to assume the nature of their love but never really see it unfold. Once Hercules is sent off, Gaia Weiss is only left to cry and pine after her lost love. Is it too much to ask for to have a female character that exists to be more than just a trophy on someone’s arm? Hercules’ mother played by Roxanne McKee is the only other female character and she is just given the task to bestow compliments to our lifeless hero. McKee is a slightly more competent actress than Weiss, but in the end, I would have rather seen the actresses stumble over material than barely exist on paper.

If not for a somewhat thrilling final sword fight, the only redeeming quality about the film would’ve been its hour and a half running time. It’s tragic to see such a famous and mighty hero given such a cheap revamping. Renny Harlin directs the film like a dated 90’s action flick, complete with an endless amount of awkwardly choreographed and bloodless action sequences. Everything from the script, to the cast, to the overall production, feels like a schlocky cash-grab attempting to replicate the box-office success of 300. In a matter of weeks THE LEGEND OF HERCULES will vanish from theaters along with its run of the mill 3D presentation. Once it hits home video, don’t be surprised if you confuse it with one of those cheap porn parodies of a Hollywood film but with all the XXX scenes cut out.

1.5 out of 5