THE BACKSEAT – The Review

Review by Sam Moffitt

“Lots of folks get the hemrods Bill! You know my Mama had the hemrods…and my sister had the piles! You get them piles in your ass and can’t take a shit you in big trouble, that’s right! That’s right! Anybody who eats has got to take a shit! You get the hemrods or the piles and can’t take a shit you got’s to put a repository in your ass so’s you can take a shit!”

The previous statement is part of an actual conversation I overheard years ago, in the 1980s in fact, in St. Louis, when I worked as a police dispatcher. The unit was the Federal Protective Service and these words were spoken by Officer Earl Berry Jr., one of the more colorful characters I have encountered in my life. Yes he really did say all that, and so much more, I did not have the nerve to tell him that “hemrod” (hemorrhoids) and piles was the same thing, I was too busy trying not to laugh myself silly. He said all this to his Watch Captain, Sergeant Bill Tiemann, quite a character in his own right, who never cracked a smile or even seemed to be listening to this bizarre diatribe.

I bring this up for two reasons, as an introduction to a wonderful independently made first feature about teen age love and sex, punk rock music, growing up and…hemorrhoids. Also I have always wanted to work that statement, “My Mama had the hemrods, and my sister had the piles!” into a piece of writing, but never could figure out how, until now. If you think that’s funny to read you should have heard the way Officer Berry said it, my friends and I have been laughing over that since 1987.

Anyway, The Backseat is a wonderful and very professionally made first film about Roy Offerman, played very well by Chris Ballant, who seems to be a typical teen ager from almost any generation. He has a rock band with his pal Larry DiMarco, played by Craig Kelly. They choose the name Witness My Jehovah and they need a drummer. They find a good enough drummer in Mike Peterson, played by Costa Nicholas, but he is one of those guys, I’m sure you remember one from high school (or maybe you was one?) who thinks he is God’s gift to women and cannot stop talking about girls, pussy, cunt and what have you.

Chris Ballant is so good as Roy you start to over look that he appears a bit old for high school, in fact all the actors do, a common problem for movies about high school. The Backseat works anyway, in fact it works overtime. Chris Ballant looks and acts a lot like Michael Cera, and that is a good thing. Cera was so identified with high school movies it started to look like he would never get to play an adult. And Costa Nicholas as the girl chaser is right on the money; in fact this character has got to be based on a real person, so obnoxious you want to bitch slap him.

As if problems with the band weren’t enough Roy’s parents are a mess too. John Cramer as Father, David Offerman and Lori Hamilton as Mom, Debra Offerman are both excellent. Roy’s Dad appears embarrassed to have Roy for a son and wishes he would just go away. But he surprises us by being both sympathetic and helpful. Mom is a whiny voiced busy body and seems at times a bit too much like Herb Tarleck’s wife on the old WKRP in Cincinnati show, so well played by Edie McClurg. But again, the character surprises us several times and wants only the best for Roy.

And where things get really bad for Roy is when he starts having ass problems, you guessed it,” the hemrods and the piles!” Mom jumps to the conclusion that Roy must be gay and did he forget to use a lubricant? God how embarrassing! If my Mom had asked me something like that I would have tried to join the French Foreign Legion and changed my name!

When word gets out to his fellow high school students they also jump to the conclusion that Roy is a back door boy. Which I find kind of odd, I knew a guy in high school who did have hemorrhoids and nobody assumed it was from being gay. But I digress. Roy endures enough humiliation and insults to last a life time. He bravely goes to a proctologist, and wouldn‘t you know the Dr would have to be a woman?

And in one of those incidents peculiar to movies he meets the girl of his dreams, at the Dr’s office while he is looking at his bandaged behind in the bathroom mirror. Samantha, very well played by Allison Reilly, walks in on him and assures him that she has the same problem. The movie never really deals with Samantha’s problem and she seems to take it all in stride.

In fact Samantha seems wise beyond her years and the answer to Roy’s prayers for a girlfriend. Roy’s awkwardness, insecurity and lack of knowledge about how to deal with girls are so accurate; again this must be based on real life, very true to what so many people go through in high school, both boys and girls.

I have to say Allyson Reilly is very impressive as Samantha, not conventionally pretty she is powerfully attractive, obviously very intelligent and a real catch for a schlub like Roy, if only he can see that. Samantha looks and acts like a New Jersey girl which is great since The Backseat was made and is set in New Jersey. It’s nice to see a teen age girl in a movie that doesn’t look like a “movie teenage girl.”

Roy and Samantha hit it off, the band manages to get a gig, if they sell enough tickets to the show. Roy even writes a song for Samantha about how he doesn’t want to “fuck this up!” And then of course he fucks it up. At a crucial moment Roy acts exactly the way a teenager would and alienates Samantha, the band, his parents, pretty much every body.

I don’t like to give out spoilers but there is a happy ending, I guess. Let’s just say it’s not the happy ending I expected and that may very well be a deliberate attempt to undermine audience expectations. Which is fine.

The Backseat is very impressive for a first feature done on a do-it-yourself basis. It is having a World Premiere at Anthology Film Archives in New York City on January 11. Ryan O’Leary has a website devoted to his film: http://ryanolearyfilms.com/ check it out for more information. I hope it gets at least a limited release in theaters and I’m sure it will do fine on dvd. I also sincerely hope Ryan O’Leary gets his foot in the door with this film and gets to work regularly in the film business, an impressive piece of work.

And I have to say something about the editing. There is a sequence in the middle of the film which cuts back and forth between Roy and Samantha trying to have sex while Larry and Mike try to sell tickets to the show, excellent! Some very fine editing and very funny material at both locations. For the most part you would not know this is a first feature made for very little money, it has a professional gleam to it that is hard to do on a low budget, amazing! Good show! Witness My Jehovah Rocks!