ROCK OF AGES – The Review

ROCK OF AGES is the latest stage musical to be adapted for the big screen in the wake of the enormous success of CHICAGO over ten years ago ( wow! ). It bucks the popular current trend on Broadway in that it’s not based on a film, so we’re not getting the full-circle vibe from THE PRODUCERS and HAIRSPRAY ( although this is from that remake’s director Adam Shankman ). AGES harkens back to the shows built around known songs like ” Smokey Joe’s Cafe ” and ” Ain’t Misbehavin'” on stage and HOLLYWOOD REVUE OF 1929 and SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN on screen. This work takes the rock anthems  from several 80’s bands and attempts to connect them in a story set in that era. It was a big hit on the Great White Way, but will movie audiences be boppin’ their heads to the beat down at the multiplex?

In the far off year of 1987, hopeful singer Sherrie Christian ( Julianne Hough ) is looking wistfully out the window of the bus that’s taking her to that entertainment mecca, Los Angeles ( Hmm, sounds a lot like one of Hough’s previous films, 2010’s BURLESQUE ). On Sunset Boulevard she meets cutie Drew Boley ( Diego Boneta ) who works at the town’s rockinest’ club, the Bourbon Room. He helps her get a waitress job from the owner, Dennis ( Alec Baldwin ) and his right hand man Lonny ( Russell Brand ). The club’s got some tax problems, but Dennis is sure that the final concert of Arsenal will put things right. Unfortunately the club is threatened with closure from the rock hating wife of Mayor Whitmore ( Bryan Cranston ), Patricia ( Catherine Zeta-Jones ). Dennis must also deal with sleazy manager of Arsenal, Paul Gill ( Paul Giamatti ) and the band’s spaced-out frontman, rock god Stacee Jaxx ( Tom Cruise ). The film follows the ups and downs of Sherrie and Drew’s romance and music dreams while leading up to the big concert night and its aftermath. So will those two crazy kids be harmonizing before the final fade-out?

The hard-working cast really put out a lot of energy, but I’ve got a feeling that this material may have worked better in a live venue ( I’ve never seen the stage version ). We’ve got a film here that seems to be a good 20 minutes or so too long. It would’ve benefitted the film’s flow if much of the youngsters’ love story was trimmed. Hough and Bonetta are very photogenic, but there’s little chemistry, and their big break-up fight ( or misunderstanding ) is contrived and cliche’. This does set up an amusing subplot in which Bonetta sells out to Giamatti’s mustache-twirling evil manager. We know the guy is bad news, but does he have to be bathed in a red light in all his backstage close-ups? Giamatti is still a most welcome addition to any supporting cast even as an obvious villain. Speaking of villains, Zeta-Jones is reduced to playing a shrill, bug-eyed gargoyle in most of her scenes as a cartoon wicked witch out to stop all the fun. She has very few chances to light up the screen with her impressive musical talents as she did in CHICAGO. Another great musical talent, Mary J Blige, doesn’t appear till well past the one hour mark as the owner of a gentleman’s club. She’s given a couple of rock standards to sing as her ladies really, really work those poles. AGES promotes Cruise as the main star, but his over-indulged, tattooed space cadet, sex machine grows tiresome early on. Yup, he’s believable screaming into the mike, but the film makers rely too much on close-ups of his primate double, Hey Man for easy chuckles. The supporting comic actors do deliver some big laughs. Brand may be a bit much as a film’s lead so his club manager is better suited to his screen persona. Baldwin’s a delight as the grizzled party animal turned business owner. Too bad he’s not given more to do. Malin Akerman thankfully shows off some of her comedic chops she honed on TV’s ” Children’s’ Hospital ” as an ambitious Rolling Stone reporter. There’s other laughs provided by cameos of a couple of gifted comic actors  and , of course, there’s those funny 80’s stuff ( Look at that huge wireless phone! Lookit’ that big hair! ), not to mention a very surprising love duet. The sets and costumes are impressive, but the sanitized version of the Sunset Strip takes the film too far away from reality ( hey, I know people break into song! ). That,along with a clunky, cumbersome script and heavy-handed direction prevent this stage triumph from really coming alive on screen. Those great rock anthems will live on long after this misfire has faded from memory.

Overall Rating: 2.5 Out of 5 Stars