THIS MEANS WAR – The Review

So, Valentine’s Day was a few days ago. Doesn’t mean it’s too late for another romantic comedy. Now this one hedges its bets by trying to appeal to adrenaline lovin’ guys. No simple hearts and flowers stuff like THE VOW are going on here. Action director McG injects some Bond and MISSION IMPOSSIBLE style thrills into the genre with THIS MEANS WAR. But can he rescue the wounded rom-com after recently being roughed up by the likes of SJP, Heigl, and Kutcher?

WAR starts up right at the end of a dangerous Hong Kong adventure. CIA agents and best pals Franklin AKA FDR ( Chris Pine ) and Tuck ( Tom Hardy ) are there to break up some dirty deal instigated by Heinrich ( Til Schweiger ). After much mayhem the guys return to LA HQ where they’re called on the carpet by their boss Collins ( Angela Bassett ) and assigned desk duty. We then meet adorable product tester Lauren ( Reese Witherspoon ), who’s great at her job but unlucky in love. She keeps running into her ex and his new gal all the time! After much prodding by her best pal, harried married mom Trish ( Chelsea Handler ) Lauren goes on an internet dating site. Back with the spies, Tuck’s got the blues. He’s still not quite over his divorce and misses his little boy. One night he decides to go online. And what do you know? He finds Lauren’s profile! FDR ( no internet dating for this “player” ) volunteers to shadow their meeting. Oddly enough ( not really ) FDR bumps into Lauren after her drink with Tuck and they exchange sparks. Soon Lauren is dating both guys and they discover their mutual new flame. They agree to behave as gentlemen ( like that’ll work ). I mean with all those cool spy gizmos at their disposal? C’mon! In addition to all the one-upmanship, that nasty old Heinrich is heading to the states to get revenge on the two buds. Can FDR and Tuck stay BFFs and keep Lauren from finding out about their agreement and their line of work before that angry German catches up to them?

It’s strange for this to come out so closely on the heels of the brutal spy thriller SAFE HOUSE. In that film , the Agency’s full of ruthless backstabbers and cruel torturers. The CIA in McG’s film is a fun place with cool toys and co-workers that don’t mind helping you out with a new gal. The offices are plush and slick like Ari Gold’s offices in TV’s Entourage. Then again the LA shown here is a fantasy fun park where you can run into the ex and show him up with your new fella. McG shoots the town with a golden glow, but can’t seem to bring a lot of life to the plot until the obligatory fight scenes and car chase. He edits those so frantically that you can barely tell who’s doing what to whom ( do you really needt o cut every two seconds? ). The actors can only do so much with this predictable script. It’s tough to believe that Witherspoon’s Lauren would be such a disaster in the dating pool. The clueless character is a waste of her considerable acting talents. Lauren’s more of a prize than a person. For a rom-com she doesn’t have much chemistry with her leading men. Hardy’s Tuck is too quiet and sullen for this light fare. Pine seems to be still in Captain Kirk mode, but can still throw out a funny line or gesture. These are two fine actors, but they don’t really gel as pals. Pine’s a Roger Moore type of spy while Hardy’s in the Daniel Craig vein. Speaking of chemistry. Witherspoon has that in spades with Handler’s Trish, who seems to be living vicariously through Lauren. Handler’s deadpan delivery makes a terrific contrast to the flighty Lauren character. A movie about those two very different woman would be much more interesting than this sophomoric cloak and dagger,dating farce. Everyone ( including the locations and vehicles ) are very attractive, but very forgettable. And shame on the producers for invoking Mad Magazine’s classic Spy Vs. Spy in the advertising. Now those spy guys are really funny!

Overall Rating: Two and a Half Out of Five Stars