GET OFF MY PORCH – Short Film Review

Everyone has been solicited to purchase girl scout cookies at some point, usually around the same time every year. Some can even claim to have been pressured, coerced or even harassed into buying the tasty little fundraising treats. Hey, a girl’s got to earn her badges, right?

GET OFF MY PORCH (2010) is a fun-filled, darkly twisted tale of a man who finds out just how far two girl scouts will go to ensure everyone enjoys their cookies. Writer and director Patrick Rea (with more than 25 short films to his credit) clearly has a decidedly wicked sense of humor, one that touches on the macabre without actually going there in detail. Rea’s forked-tongue-in-cheek short film winks and nods, but despite all the intensity of the film’s unsettling humor, it remains surprisingly somewhat family friendly. If I were so shallow as to support the ratings code as it currently stands, I would probably give Rea’s film a PG-13, primarily for scenes of “implied violence and satanic worship.”

Of course, I’m not that shallow. Instead, I’ll give GET OFF MY PORCH, a 13-minute short, an “A” for “awesome” because I had a so much fun watching the film. I laughed, but I also felt legitimately spooked, especially once the true evil nature of the girl scouts bares its metaphorical fangs.

*It should also be noted, this review is in no way a direct commentary on the actual Girl Scouts, who do fine work for their communities. That, and, I don’t want them coming after me.

Brad Meehan plays Neil, just an average guy, who finds two cute girl scouts standing on his porch, smiling from ear-to-ear. They present their tasty treats in a rehearsed fashion, but Bert politely refuses, not out of some stroke of meanness, but simply because he had just recently purchased fundraiser goodies from some other kids. Just when Bert believes he has successfully protected his wallet from further thinning, he discovers persistence as he’s never known.

Let’s talk about Mary and Cindy. These are two of the scariest girls you’ll meet on the big screen. They’re adorable, innocent-looking enough, but this is all very deceptive. Mary, played by Katherine McNamara (TV series DROP DEAD DIVA, 30 ROCK), and Cindy, played by Andrea Strickler, are demented psychopaths. Yes, I said it. GET OFF MY PORCH is funny, yes, but it’s primarily a horror story. The things they manage to do to Bert are both imaginative and disturbing, but Bert is driven out of his “good guy” shell as he attempts to fight back.

Visually, GET OFF MY PORCH has a very digital look to the film, shot on the Panasonic HVX-200, but cinematographer Hanuman Brown-Eagle does a marvelous job of keeping the shadows prominent and the colors rich and saturated without taking over the composition of each shot. One of the highlights of the film is Henry Manfredini’s score. A true veteran of horror composers, Manfredini has scored the likes of FRIDAY THE 13TH, SWAMP THING, HOUSE, WISHMASTER, and a personal favorite of mine, CAMERON’S CLOSET.

GET OFF MY PORCH starts out as something you may expect to see on the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon, but quickly warps into a playfully nightmarish experience. I am reminded of films such as 976-EVIL… creepy, but cheeky. GET OFF MY PORCH is, in some respects, a horror film that parents can appreciate… if not fear.

Learn more about GET OFF MY PORCH at the film’s website.