Review: A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

Ah yes, another remake.  The celluloid regurgitating factory known as Platinum Dunes has made the final turn – I hope – in remaking the classic characters owned by New Line Cinema.  Fans could smell the fumes running high on the money making highway when you could purchase Leatherface, Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger on keychains and other child like trinkets.  While Leatherface never really got to an iconic status due to a short run of sequels, Jason and Freddy have been fighting over the hearts of fiends for 20 plus years.  Last year, Platinum Dunes released the remake of FRIDAY THE 13TH.  While it fell short to expectations, there is not a lot you can do with the character of Jason that hasn’t been done already.  Freddy on the other hand could have an interesting story to tell.  That is why, I was somewhat excited for this remake.

I have been hooked on this damn train since there were talks about an Elm Street prequel that would explore the back-story – the one you don’t see in the original NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET – of Fred Krueger and why the parents burned him alive.  I always felt that the back-story alone would make a great film and could be an interesting direction.  The closest that some might say it got was with EXORCIST III where the film was it’s own thing but connected to the EXORCIST universe towards the finale.

Sadly, we just get the same old stuff we have seen in the previous Platinum Dunes remakes of these horror icons.  Glossy, over-saturated scenes. Vapid teenagers that evoke no emotion from the audience and, lets not forget, lens flares.  I swear to god, after the remakes of FRIDAY THE 13TH, TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE one would think that the damn lens flares would get a cast credit.  I wonder if Michael Bay demands this…

…Ok, I’m getting off topic.  If you haven’t seen the original NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET it breaks down like this:

Teenagers are having nightmares of the same man who threatens and stalks them in their sleep state.  After a death of one of the teens, they realize that there might be something rotten in Denmark and this guy that they are all dreaming about might be behind it. If you get cut in your dream, you get cut for real.  Get it? Good.

Samuel Bayer is making his feature directorial debut here after making music videos (are you really surprised?) for years.  However, what Sammy has a looser grip on than his Platinum Dunes buddy Marcus Nispel (the guy that directed the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE & FRIDAY THE 13TH remake) is story, tension, intrigue.  Basically, the things that make a movie.  Visually, the film is tiresome because we have seen it all before.  The actors who play the teenagers and the parents are given one dimensional characters that show no personal traits.  This makes the audience really only care for Freddy.  He is the only interesting character and the whole movie becomes a guessing game on how they are going to remake iconic scenes or how the filmmakers will approach something differently.  The problem with this is that the movie carries on as if it is a mystery if Freddy was an innocent man or not so when the reveal happens, it falls flat.

However, most horror fans and fans of the series probably expected some of this.  So, the main question is…How is Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy Krueger?  I’ll be the first to tell you that I couldn’t think of another actor on the radar to play the character.  I thought he was a perfect choice and so did a lot of other people – partially due to his performance in LITTLE CHILDREN.  It is with regret that I tell you that Haley doesn’t really make this character his own.  In fact, the whole logic – and this is not at fault of Haley – of Freddy’s drive to haunt the teens in their dreams isn’t consistent throughout the whole film.  Haley’s Krueger delivers some cheeky one-liners, but instead of it being creepy, most of them got a laugh from the audience I saw it with.

Albeit from a couple of decent scenes, stay away from this one – at least until it shows up on cable. Because the scariest thing about NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2010 is that if you dose off during this comatose inducing film, that when you wake up, your wallet will be lighter than it was before you entered the theater.

Overall Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars