Review: VALENTINE’S DAY

Everyone could use a little fluff in their lives now and again, even hardened, cynical, no-nonsense movie critics who have had it up to here with chintzy romcoms.  Okay, maybe especially us, the kind of people who would normally find a certain level of loathing in a film like VALENTINE’S DAY.  It’s bloated.  It’s lacking any kind of edge whatsoever.  It’s filled to the brim with fake, Hollywood types falling in and out of love as if it doesn’t even mean anything to do so any more.  It’s the type of film I generally hate, gnashing my teeth at the thought of standing one more minute with any of these characters.  Imagine my shock and disbelief when, early in the film, I found myself not only enjoying myself but fully engrossed in most of the characters splashed on the screen.

It doesn’t do much good to run down a synopsis of VALENTINE’S DAY.  It would take the rest of my anticipated 1000 words just to cover all the major anchors in the story.  Let’s just say it takes place in one day, Valentine’s Day, and it follows a myriad of characters as they attempt to find their own sense of happiness on this day where everyone has been led to believe they should find their one true love.

The film is directed by Garry Marshall, a man who, if he ever had an edge about him, lost it roughly 30 seconds after deciding to put Rosie O’Donnell in a corset (EXIT TO EDEN for those of you wondering).  He directs VALENTINE’S DAY with all the subtlety of a Cupid’s arrow straight to the forehead, and it doesn’t help that Katherine Fugate’s screenplay has all kinds of pacing and structural issues, either.  Certain story lines such as Eric Dane’s NFL quarterback who may be receiving a forced retirement and Bradley Cooper and Julia Roberts as strangers who meet on a flight receive short thrift.  Other story lines like Ashton Kutcher’s florist with the girlfriend, played by Jessica Alba, everyone knows is way out of his league seem to meander and hang around far too long.

The problem with the plot lines that go on too long is that they are wholly predictable, almost daring the audience to thing of more creative ways for them to resolve themselves.  This is particularly the case with Kutcher’s story line, which is directly connected to Jennifer Garner’s segment of a woman whose seemingly perfect boyfriend, played by Patrick Dempsey, may or may not be married.  The plot line of a young boy, played by Bryce Robinson, who is dead set on getting some flowers delivered to his school is also pretty predictable, and this one even annoys you a bit.  Here is a ten-year-old whose parents are absent and who is watched by his grandparents, played by Hector Elizondo and Shirley Maclaine.  Yet, he seems to be free to roam Los Angeles without any sort of guardian.  I don’t know.  I don’t live in LA.  Maybe the streets are safe for a fourth grader in Southern California.  This one certainly doesn’t seem to have any problems with getting from point A to point B.

Other segments featuring Jessica Biel, Jamie Foxx, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Emma Roberts, and Queen Latifah weave in and out, and that’s only off the top of my head.  You kind of get the idea that Fugate is in way over her head with this screenplay, and it shows.

Fortunately, though, the onslaught of left and right plot points also become the film’s saving grace.  Most of the characters are, to a certain extent,  likable  and filled by equally  likable  actors.  If, for some reason, you don’t like a certain segment of the film, you can  Basque  in the belief that, at any given moment, we are mere second from moving on to a completely different story line.  Granted, Fugate and Marshall will make unsavory attempts at making connections here and there, an element of the film that should have been thrown in the garbage, but these are easily looked over, as well.

Much of the pairings here work from the shear presence of chemistry between the actors.  Elizondo & Maclaine, Cooper & Roberts, and Biel & Foxx in particular seem to have a connection that goes beyond the individuals giving decent performances.  Say what you will about Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift or the performances they give here.  They made me laugh, and they both looked good doing it.

Really the only pairing in VALENTINE’S DAY with a complete lack of any kind of chemistry is Topher Grace and Anne Hathaway.  Their story line is probably the most disconnected from the rest of the film, with bridges to other story lines seemingly shoe horned in for the sole benefit of keeping it included.  It could have easily been cut, though, and it probably would have brought that total running time down to under two hours, as well.

The film offers a certain amount of genuine surprises, too.  Dane’s story line, in particular, has not one but two twists throughout its course that caught me by surprise.  The segment with Elizondo and Maclaine holds a rather daring reveal, even if the outcome is strictly Hollywood, and I say that in more ways than one.

Like a box of candy with about six too many layers, VALENTINE’S DAY is anything but nuanced.  It’s obvious, Hollywood fluff that acts as a match maker without a single, creative arrow in its quiver.  If you’re looking for the same thing and a whole lot more inventive and, overall, better, see LOVE, ACTUALLY.  However, despite all of its drawbacks, there is a gleam in VALENTINE’S DAY’s eye that can neither be doubted nor denied.  Anyone who puts down their hard-earned money to see this film are going to get precisely what they bargained for, and, sometimes, that’s enough to warrant a recommendation.  If you have any doubts, stay far, far away, but, if you’re a forgiving movie goer who wants a little schmaltz with their flowers, you could pick far less appealing stems than this.

Overall Rating: 2.75 out of 5 stars