Review: ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: THE SQUEAKQUEL

When last we left ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS, they were living with David Seville (Jason Lee), rocking and rolling and being as cute and cuddly as CGI can possibly be.  To be honest, I don’t really remember how 2007’s ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS ended.  It was a forgettable, clear cut waste of time, resources and any excess film stock that happened to be laying around.  It’s pretty much how I feel now about ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: THE SQUEAKQUEL, a movie whose dispensable nature leaves it aimlessly reaching for our attention or that of our children.  It probably gets theirs, especially if your kid’s the kind who rattles and hums at the thought of adults getting hit in the head.  For the rest of us, though, the ones who actually put down the money so our kids can be slightly amused for 90 minutes, it’s tedious and the sound of those voices eventually makes us long for a guest spot in the remake of SCANNERS.  But, hey, Theodore is cute.

The story, if you can call it that, picks up two years after the first film.  I think it does, anyway.  The first film could have taken place during the 15th century and I wouldn’t remember.  The Chipmunks are a global phenomenon, and, in 6 of his 12-minute role, Jason Lee’s Dave gets hit in the head.  Surprise.  He winds up in the hospital, and the Chipmunks are forced to be watched over by a wheelchair-bound aunt.  She ends up in the hospital, too, at some point, leaving the Chipmunks in the care of her ne’er do well and lazy gamer son, Toby (Zachary Levi).  Then the Chippettes show up…are you tuned out, yet, because I’m tired of wracking my brain for a discernible plot.  In the end a lot of rock and roll loses its cool, David Cross’ maniacal agent shows up, and everyone lives happily ever after.  Except for Dave, who shows up in the last frame to…wait for it…get hit in the head…again.  But, hey, Theodore is cute.

THE SQUEAKQUEL, a title I can’t help but find some love for, is just as wasteful, needless, and tiresome as the first film in this series.  Director Betty Thomas used to get comedy.  She brought PRIVATE PARTS to the big screen, for goodness sake.  Unfortunately, at this point in her career, it seems fairly obvious she’s grasping for straws, taking any menial job that puts her firmly behind a camera.  Here, she gets to shoot people reacting to rodents who aren’t there.  They act, just as you would expect, like people reacting to rodents who aren’t there.

Everything about this film is tired and choppy.  The Chippettes arrive via FedEx as if sent from God to add some level of plot.  At one point, Simon, standing in the middle of a bed pan, accidentally puts his hand on the side, then reacts as you might if you touch a used bed pan with your hand, but he’s standing in it.  Yeah, okay, that’s nitpicky, but with a film with any kind of interesting plot, characters, or otherwise overlying humor, there wouldn’t be room for this level of nitpicky-ness.

You can’t say anything in favor of the live action actors, but there is a bone that needs to be picked when you look at some of the voice actors involved here.  I can’t imagine the number of dollars spent wasted on actors like Justin Long, Anna Faris, Amy Poehler, and Christina Applegate who provide voices for the various Chipmunks.  Their voices are “Chipmunkinized”.  You can’t even tell who is providing those voices at the end of the day.  It could just as easily have been the same person providing the voice for all six characters, but, no, money had to be used, names had to go in the cast list, and six, struggling voice actors out there were turned away in favor of this crew.  But, hey, Theodore is cute.

There really isn’t much more negative verbiage that can be strewn towards ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: THE SQUEAKQUEL.  Kids will probably like it to love it, though I couldn’t help notice the level of squirming going on a mere 15 minutes after the opening credits.  There is so much wasted energy put into something that never even seems to graze the idea of deserving.  If there is one element, one smattering of hope that comes from THE SQUEAKQUEL, one person or crew who deserves some sort of credit for the work they put in here, it is the exceptional work done by the visual artists who bring real emotion out of the CG characters’ faces.  Other than that, though, waste, waste, waste.  But, hey, Theodore is cute.