Review: THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON – He Said/She Said

Coop: Let’s get one thing out of the way here, although it may be obvious considering my genitalia: I am in no way, shape or form a TWILIGHT  fan. I have not read any of the books, nor did I dare watch the first film. All I know is the general concept and the fact that Robert Pattinson’s head is freaking huge.

Leah: Hey! I know some male TWILIGHT  fans; don’t be such a hater. As for myself, I’m on Team Edward and have been from the start! Sure, R Patz has a huge head but his chiseled abs and sparkly skin make up for it.  NEW MOON was absolutely true to the book in every way, shape and form. That said, I hated the book when I read it. The movie perfectly encompassed Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) pining over Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), looking for any outlet to fill the void he suddenly leaves in her life. That’s all it was, to be blunt. Bella whining for 2 hours out of the 2.5 hour running time.

Coop: We’re talking about the second book/movie. NEW MOON. Correct?

Leah: Correct.

Coop: Then maybe you can elaborate on something for me, which I heard grumblings about after the first film’s release. Does anything actually happen in the novel? Because Chris Weitz’s film is loaded with such an unbearable sense of inertia it never goes anywhere. I could be referring to the endless slo-mo shots of Cullen that pepper the film, but really the whole thing feels that way: drowning, or at least, barely treading water.

Leah: The fact that Edward leaves Bella, his “one true love,” is the main conflict in NEW MOON. They were supposed to be the couple to stand the test of time, but after a bloody mishap, he hits the road. So, Bella is left to fend for herself and naturally, she goes to her best friend for help: Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) and his pack of warm-blooded mutts. The werewolf stuff is supposed to be the big shocker in NEW MOON. But that’s no surprise if you A) read the book or B) saw the trailer. By the time we adjust to the fact that “vegetarian” vampires are running around trying to save the inhabitants of Forks, WA from the regular vampires we are then thrown a curve-ball … there are more monstrous creatures that have only been spoken of as folklore! It’s high school drama at it’s best.

Coop: They should have hired you on their marketing team. I will say that I didn’t despise the film for everything it’s worth, but it’s just sort of there. And I didn’t dislike it for the reasons I thought I would, either. Robert Pattinson was fine. And after watching Kristen Stewart in ADVENTURELAND, I got myself into a mindset of acknowledging her as a decently talented performer — I love that film. The problem here really isn’t hers, it’s just that she’s given nothing to do throughout the film. Her character is a hollow shell to be filled with the lonely desires of preteen girls. Which isn’t inherently a bad concept, because escapism is totally fine. But this isn’t truly escapism: the screenplay leaves Bella to sit in a chair and rot away once her stoic lover leaves her side. The message here is awful. The downfall of the film is in the screenplay, along with Taylor Lautner, whose level of acting is flat as a pancake.

Leah: As a faithful member of Team Edward, I have to say that I despised how much Jacob was on the screen. It’s not just the fact that he can’t act, it’s that he can’t do anything. He can’t even stand there without looking like a lost puppy. In the book, Jacob is supposed to be strong, handsome, and captivating. In the film, he fell short and came off as a lonely, misguided teeny-bopper. I know you’re a fan of Ms. Stewart, but I don’t think the role of Bella is the issue. I think she’s been type-casted as the awkward little plain Jane who somehow always seems to get boys to fall in love with her despite being so painfully ordinary. Don’t get me wrong, she does a great job at being exactly that! But I have to agree with you entirely on the escapism front. Stephanie Meyer only manages to convince the pre-teen-girl audience that without a boyfriend, you might as well just sit in your room for months on end, watching the seasons change.

Coop: Don’t get me wrong, there are redeeming aspects to an otherwise flat film. Michael Sheen from FROST/NIXON  runs circles around everyone else onscreen in his brief appearance, while Edward’s sister Alice (Ashley Greene) is cute as a button. And despite looking fairly made-for-TV, there’s one sequence scored to great Thom Yorke vocals that’s pretty visually superb. In the end, though, it doesn’t matter what we say — the fans will devour it, just as I blindly devoured STAR WARS EPISODE III  years ago. Everyone is allowed their franchise. What’s your final verdict, as more of a fan?

Leah: I couldn’t have said it better myself. Everyone is going to see this movie. All of the helplessly devoted fans that read the books are currently in line waiting for the midnight release to start. Their friends, who may not have read the books or seen the first film will go anyway just to see Edward and Jacob without their shirts on. Boyfriends will be dragged to the theaters, and it will certainly be at the top of the box office this weekend without a doubt. All in all, I’d say it’s definitely worth checking out. I give it a solid 6/10.

Coop: 4/10 for me. Not worthy of being average, but not offensive enough to drive me up a wall.