Melissa Gets Hit By The Soul Train

Hey there boys and girls! It’s your good friend Melissa here, with another tale of movie-going horror. This is possibly the most ridiculous one to date. Be sure to stay till the end, because I’m not just bringing this column back, I’m changing it up a bit…

So, a few weeks back I finally went to see “The Hangover” at a local theater. It had already been out for a couple of weeks and it was a weeknight, so I figured that the crowd would be relatively small and pleasant. BOY WAS I WRONG!

I found a spot in the center of the seats, perfectly distanced from the screen, and settled in with my treats. There were only a few people in the theater so I gave a sigh of relief! They were all quietly sitting, minding their own business and waiting for the show to begin. The lights went down and the previews started with no problems. “Man!” I thought to myself, “This is great!”. Rule #1 of movie-going in the present time… You are never in the clear!

As the credits started for the movie and the opening theme music began, two teenagers and their mother snuck into the theater and decided to sit right in front of me. Wait, did I say sit? I meant that they put their stuff down and started dancing like it was a Friday night dance party! Once the credits were done, they settled into their seats and began talking on their phones. When I asked them to please quit distracting from the movie, the mom just scoffed and started mocking me to her children. “Ok”, I thought to myself, “I am not going to put up with this!”

I went outside of the theater and told an usher what was going on. He then informed the manager who came into the theater, warned the disturbing trio, and went back out to the lobby. Well, you’ll never guess what happened next! “Who Let The Dogs Out” happened! As soon as that song started playing, the dance party started again. Booty’s were quaking, “Awwe” ‘s and “Git it” ‘s were being called out between them, (since dancing has it’s own dumbed down language that is the mutated spawn of a football pep talk and a turrets inspired tick, triggered by anything with a baseline!) and I was furious! Round two involved me storming back into the lobby and speaking to the manager myself. His reaction was to stand inside the theater for five minutes and then walk back out! That only made things worse. The next thing I know, they are running up and down the aisles screaming, talking to each other from across the theater, and having some of the loudest and possibly the least coherent conversations on their phones that I have ever heard!

By the end of the movie I was fuming mad. My anger had been transferred from the ill mannered family to the manger on duty at the theater. I decided that he and I needed to have a talk, and it was not going to be a pleasant one. The conversation started with me describing everything that had happened, and how I was furious that he allowed that kind of behavior go on. He simply informed me that there was nothing he could do about it.

Nothing you can do about it? Aren’t you the manager? Can’t you kick them out or ban them from the premises? If they don’t comply I believe that there is a local enforcement task that will be more than happy to come and save the day! I believe they are called the police. I’m sorry, but there are about a million things that you can do! The manager even admitted that the unruly dancing clan didn’t even have tickets to the movie! ARE YOU SERIOUS!!! You can’t control any of these factors? I am pretty sure that we can find someone in this economy who is more than willing to keep order, do their job, and earn a steady paycheck! I was beyond angry that he had not taken responsibility for the behavior that he allowed, but what was even more frustrating was that he did not even try to offer an apology or a solution. I am never the type to look for a free ride, but I felt that I was owed my money back! When I brought this up he danced around it, claiming that the whole situation was something that I should just expect when coming to a theater and still denying any form of responsibility for allowing disruptive behavior to occur. Um, hello! You allowed MTV’s The Grind to make a comeback in the middle of your theater, I’m out $18 bucks, and I didn’t even get even get Eric Nies as a consolation prize!

An open note to theater owners everywhere,

Hello Movie Theater Owner,

My name is Melissa, and I love movies! I do not, however, appreciate the unruly behavior that is being allowed in a majority of theaters around the country. Please try to keep your theater a pleasant place to visit. If this means a zero tolerance rule to keep the peace then so be it! If there is a disturbance, such as talking, cell phones, or people acting inappropriately, it is not a difficult thing to give a warning to the rude party and move someone from the concession stand, a manager, or even yourself , the owner, into the theater to maintain a pleasant viewing environment and to keep a watchful eye. The number of patrons who attend theaters is on a constant decline because of disruptive behavior and not just because of the rising prices. I would personally pay a higher price if I knew that I could enjoy a movie in a quite environment! If someone doesn’t respond to a simple request to be silent and respectful, then it is your job to remove them so that the rest of us can continue to enjoy the show. Once the message is out that your establishment does not allow disturbances, you will have fewer incidents and I guarantee you will gain more movie loving patrons! So, please do your job! Otherwise I am going to blame you when “the movie theater” comes to a bitter end.

A Sincere and Serious Request,

Melissa

And I beg you, fans of film, to have a zero tolerance yourself. Rise up, my movie loving army,   for your cinematic enjoyment rights! Do not feel awkward or nervous in asking your neighbor to please be quiet so that you can enjoy the movie! You paid to be there! Your time and/or enjoyment is just as important as theirs! If this does not work, it is your duty to make a polite, yet firm complaint to an employee or manager so that the disturbance is stopped and the rude party is made aware that their behavior will not be tolerated. If the theater or manager still does not respond, then it’s time to write to the owners, or in most cases, the major theater corporation that takes ownership over the theater.

Now, on to the slight change in my article. You have heard my stories, and now I wanna hear yours! Got a crazy real life story from going to a movie theater? Have a question about how to act in a theater, or how to handle a situation? I want to hear from you! Send your stories and questions to melissa@wearemoviegeeks.com and your story or question just might be featured in my column!

So until next time remember, I’ll be watching you!

Melissa