Humpday Horribleness: ‘Going Overboard’

One of the great features over at the Internet Movie Database is the Bottom 100. Based on ratings viewers of the site give to various films, the worst of the worst films get put on this list. Some of them are on and off in a matter of days. Others stick around for the long haul, showing just how much suckage they truly emit.

It’s time to look at these movies and determine where they stand. Do they deserve to be on the Bottom 100 list? Are they not as bad as everyone says? Will they be off the list any time soon?

Here’s the breakdown for this week’s film:

Title: ‘Going Overboard′

Release Date: May 11, 1989

Ranking on Bottom 100 (as of 7/29/2009): #69 (based on 5475 votes)

Why it’s Here: We thought in honor of Adam Sandler’s new collaboration with Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen, ‘Funny People,’ (which is bound to make each one of them enough money to buy a small country) we would go back and view one of the earlier and universally panned films of Sandler. Lucky me. ‘Going Overboard,’ in fact, Sandler’s first feature film after making a few spots on “The Cosby Show,” has to be the worst film I’ve had to write up for this column. Hokey and lame and not funny in the least, it is the one film I’ve seen that I can truly say there is absolutely nothing redeemable about.

Sandler plays Schecky Moskowitz, a name, I’m sure, writer/director Valerie Breiman, just died laughing at as soon as she wrote it. Schecky is a struggling comedian who takes a job as a waiter on a cruise ship. As luck would have it, there Miss Universe contest being held on board. This provides absolutely nothing to the story. The crew shot on this particular cruise ship that was headed for Cancun and the real Miss Universe contest, and there had to be some explanation for all the pageant contestants in the background.

Anyway, Schecky’s rival on the ship is the ship’s entertainment, a flashy comedian named Dickie Diamond, played by Scott LaRose, who can’t go 30 seconds without dropping an F-bomb on everybody. Throw in a grungy rock star, King Neptune, and General Noriega (yeah, you heard that right) and you’ve got yourselves a recipe for comedy.

Not really. This film isn’t funny in the least. It’s budget, or lack thereof, is actually flaunted in earlier moments. Schecky, talking directly to the camera, talks about how “no-budget” the film is, then provides a demonstration on how to create an earthquake by shaking the camera. This is early Sandler, way, waaaaaayyyyyy before he honed his skills as a comedian. The idea that Schecky is a struggling comedian who just can’t catch a break is about the only believable thing here.

To look at the cast list is to hang your head in shame at some of the people who stepped on board this project before they were anybody. Peter Berg and Billy Zane are at the top of that list, showing up as a sleezy manager for the rock star and King Neptune, as previously mentioned. It’s just shameful and cringe-worthy at its very worst. Billy Bob Thornton makes an appearance as an audience member. He gets a few lines, and no one in the room believes that less than ten years later, he’s have an Oscar on his mantel. Burt Young and Milton Berle give glorified cameo performances, and you can’t feel sorry for them, too bad. They’d been around Hollywood enough to know how atrocious this film was.

Stay away from ‘Going Overboard.’  In fact, the film as shelved until Sandler became a huge star nearly ten years after the film was completed.  You can probably find it in the $5 bin at Wal-Mart.   Do yourself and everyone around you a favor.  Shove it all the way to the bottom and keep moving.

Lowest of the Low Moments: As part of our journey with Schecky, we become privy to his inner thoughts.   He daydreams, and we are forced to watch these dreams come to sparkling life.   One, in particular, features Schecky and Dickie in a boxing match.   However, this isn’t just any   boxing match.   No punches are thrown, just insults.   Each insult, increasingly brutal and unfunny, causes physical harm to the opponent.   It’s as lame as it sounds.   In fact, it’s even lamer than that.   Honestly, I’m sure there are worse moments than this in the film, but your brain will be so numb to it all by the time they come around that it won’t matter.   This scene happens early enough that your still lucid and not contemplating throwing your TV in the trash to save it.

Will it Ever Get Off the List: Let’s hope not.   There isn’t much hope for ‘Going Overboard’ to ever get itself off the Bottom 100 list, nor should it.   If Sandler’s success hasn’t driven enough people to go back and watch this piece of trash, nothing will.   It only has 5475 votes compared to the just over 66,000 votes for ‘Click.’   And, honestly, the more people who see this movie, the worse the chances of it getting off this list become.   It’s wholly unfunny and completely annoying.   I’m sure this is one Sandler wants hidden in his closet for a long, long time.