Guest Blog: Rick talks ‘Transformers’

Please Note: We Are Movie Geeks associates themselves with Rick as little as possible. Outside of the fact that everyone knows him, most of us don’t agree with anything he says. He is only able to still post things here due to contractual obligations that will be ending soon, we hope. Please take everything here with a grain of salt, as its meant to be funny and his knowledge of movies is that of a toddler(if toddlers were into porno).

First let me say that the first ‘Transformers’ movie got me all hot and bothered from watching Megan Fox fix cars, talk dirty mechanic talk, and wear those skimpy little shirt. It was like the beginning of a “handy” but never finishing it. I thought that finally I was going to get the “big reward” with this new movie… I didn’t. Asshole.

I think a more appropriate title for this movie is “Trans -I want to form her” because Megan Fox is the only reason to see either of these movies. Honestly, I would have given ‘Revenge of the Fallen’ a 5 out of 5 if they split the screen in half and one side was on Megan Fox in this outfit the entire movie:

Unfortunately for myself and everyone else in the audience Michael Bay didnt do this, he decided to just blow shit up(surprise) instead of having more provocative, scantly dressed scenes that feature Ms Fox. This leads me to believe he has no interest in women, and instead would like to marry a pyrotechnic instead, maybe Danny McBride’s character from ‘Tropic Thunder’, sideburns and all.

Shia Labeouf turned in his best “don’t call me Lewis, because I am an adult now” impression but just fails at it miserably because I still him as a 10 year old yelling at Christy Carlson Romano. Actually here is an idea Michael Bay, for ‘Transformers 3’ lets ditch Shia and lets have a Megan Fox/Christy Romano driven film… Hell, you can even leave out the Transformers too!

I am drooling all over my keyboard at the thought of such a pairing. I am going to go ahead and predict now that a movie starring both of these ladies would open at probably around 295 million, but that just a rough estimate.

Michael Bay also apparently has studios so far up his ass that this movie could have been 7.5 hours long and still would have been put out as is. In the course of ‘Revenge of the Fallen’ I ate a late lunch and dinner, plus had a few late night cocktails before the film was done, the only thing that would have made it better is watching it with Megan Fox next to me..maybe playing with my earlobe and then taking me out for ice cream afterwords.

Seriously though, how the hell do you get away with having 6 minutes of story and 2 hours 24 minutes of non stop, over the top(sounds good right? its not), we recycled sequences from my last five films, action that gets utterly ridiculous and tosses stuff in that obviously doesn’t belong. Through most of the entire damn film you cant tell where one Autobot starts, and the endless supply of Decepticons ends.

Also, how much did James Cameron charge them to plan out the ship sinking scene that mimics the Titanic to a t, except the fact that there was no Kate Winslet at the bottom?

To make things worse there is this:

Yes Mr Bay, we all know you are going to make an ass ton of money off this one. Even our negative reviews wont sway people from seeing this movie because the promise of loud noises, and possibly half naked Megan Fox. People will see ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’ for the same reason that people still make it out to see movies like ‘Dance Flick’, ‘Disaster Movie’, and all of the other ridiculous movies that call themselves movies in their title.

Do yourself a favor boys and girls, go out and see Duncan Jones’ ‘Moon’ if its playing near you instead. Dont ask questions, just do it (Nike didnt sponser that).