DVD Review: ‘Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus’

The Movie:

It rises.

The Asylum has for years been dishing out straight to DVD cheapos with the belief that changing the title of the film ever so slightly from a major, Summer blockbuster will have people running to the video store.  With films like ‘I Am Omega’ and ‘Transmorphers’ under its belt, the company has found the most buzz with its latest film.  Entitled ‘Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus,’ it doesn’t really seem to be living off the hype of any, other Hollywood property.  It’s simply living off the concept, alone.  Think ‘Snakes on a Plane.’

The movie begins off the Alaskan coast where a marine biologist (Gibson) and her Jeff Garlin-esque sidekick are observing whales.  A military helicopter drops some device into the ocean, causing the whales to stampede (yes, that’s what they do), which, in turn, breaks up the ice and unleashes the titular creatures.  For the next 90 minutes, we see the creatures causing mayhem, as scientists from around the world work towards stopping them.

Of course, much like ‘Snakes on a Plane,’ ‘Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus’ (to be referred to as MSvGO from here on out) doesn’t quite deliver what you might expect or even want.  Sure, it skimps on the plot.  Sure, the acting leads you to believe that some acting coach out there jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge after attempting to make Deborah Gibson a believable marine biologist.  Everything from the screenplay, acting, and overall merits in film are exactly where they should be when you’re dealing with something like ‘MSvGO.’

Unfortunately, the film doesn’t really live up to the fun factor of it all, either.  Touting visual effects by Tiny Juggernaut (to my disheartening, that’s the name of a company, not a man), ‘MSvGO’ doesn’t have quite as much Mega Shark or Giant Octopus as you might hope for.

In a nutshell, this film lives up to everything Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez set out to do in ‘Grindhouse.’  ‘MSvGO’ IS a grindhouse film.  These exploitation films in the ’70s were light on action, heavy on the face time with its actors.  They then would take the best moments in the films and string those together for the film’s trailer, making those who had yet to see the film believe it was wall-to-wall action.

Again, I reiterate, ‘MSvGO’ is that type of film.  For every ridiculously awesome scene of Giant Octopus destroying an oil rig or Mega Shark leaping hundreds of feet into the air just to bite at a passing commercial jet, we gets scene upon scene, minute after minute of tedious dialogue and less-than-thrilling planning by the scientist leads.

Gibson certainly gets her fair share of screen time as a marine biologist in black nail polish.  So does Lorenzo Lamas as the personification of the evil military who only wants to bombs the creatures back to the stone age rather than capture and contain them.  Lamas has the best lines of the film as the racist, lewd government agent who seems to end every other line of dialogue with “or some shit.”  His character even offers some of the more subtle moments of comedy, as he is at one moment talking freely about the Megalodon that is terrorizing the planet and the next completely taken aback at the thought of a Giant Octopus, as well.

Another aspect that made those ’70s exploitation films so memorable is the love the filmmakers behind them had for what they were doing, and it is no different with ‘MSvGO.’  Writer/director Jack Perez set out to make an entertaining film.  Along the way, I’m sure, reality stepped in and handed him a less-than-ideal budget.  What could have been filled with death and destruction as these two behemoths collide is now filled with romantic subplots and montages.  Nay, not just any montage.  This film features a scientist montage where we watch as our leads mix various colored waters together and act all frustrated.

Perez covers his lack of budget by reusing set after set.  Two battleships and three submarines all seem to use the same set just with different lighting.  The usage of the same establishing shots over and over also go by without being unnoticed.

But all of this really needs to go unsaid.  You know what you’re getting walking into a film like ‘MSvGO.’  The point that I’m sure you’re all waiting for is whether or not this film is any fun.  Well, it can be.  If viewed in the right light, there is much fun to be had with ‘MSvGO.’

Watch this one with friends, lots of friends who preferrably bring their own beer.  There’s an easy drinking game mixed inside the movie.  Every time Gibson’s old, former teacher dishes out some sage advice, take a swig.  Every time the screenplay tries to spice itself up with some technical jargon like “down bubble” or words like “pheromones,” chug it.  Every time Lamas gets that look in his eye like he’s longing for days of “Renegade,” you know what to do.  And, every time a battleship captain looks headlong into the camera and mutters under his breath, “It rises,” down that whole bottle of Jim Beam, because it only happens once, but it’s the pinnacle of laughter within this movie.

Practically every line of criticism directed towards this film could be codaed with the words, “but, hey, what do you expect?  It’s ‘Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus.'”  You know exactly what you’re getting into when you pick up this film off the video store shelf or put it in your Netflix queue.  The acting is atrocious.  The screenplay is dumb.  The special effects are lackluster, and I still wish Tiny Juggernaut were a man rather than a company.  But, moreso than any of these other problems, the fun that should be had with a film like ‘MSvGO’ is hindered by the film’s lack of budget.  If you really want something exciting to watch, put the film’s trailer on a 24-hour loop.  That’s about the most entertainment you’re gonna get from this one.

The DVD:

You got your enhanced widescreen format for 16X9 TVs. You got your Spanish subtitles.  You got your making of featurette.  Find out just exactly how many different sets the film actually uses.

Overall (by yourself): 2 out of 5

Overall (with friends): 3 out of 5

Overall (with friends and BYOB): 5 out of 5