Review: ‘Crank: High Voltage’

‘Crank’ was one of my favorite films of 2006. Â  Explosive, dynamic, and stylishly badass, it bridged the gap (not sure it needed bridging) between video game aesthetics and action film debauchery, but it did it smoothly. Â  ‘Crank’ was like a nonstop train ride of action-packed chic, never even teasing that it was about to slow down or become anything but amusing. Â  It was an action extravaganza that teetered on the border of comedy, and its main character, Chev Chelios played by the modern definition of badassery, Jason Statham, was frat-house equivalent of James Bond. Â  All the women wanted him, and all the men wanted to be him, but you’d never see Bond pounding Red Bull or sporting a track jacket.

So, why am I building up ‘Crank’ so much when it is that film’s sequel, ‘Crank: High Voltage,’ that I am reviewing here? Â  Because I want you to understand wherein the differences lie between these two films. Â  Neveldine & Taylor (Mark and Brian, respectively), who wrote and directed both films, made a completely insane and fun action flick with ‘Crank.’ Â  It was an action movie with a whole lot of comedy. Â  ‘Crank: High Voltage’ is if that train ride I was referring to earlier derailed and crashed into a house full of racist clowns and porn stars.

It doesn’t help that Neveldine & Taylor wrote themselves into a corner at the end of ‘Crank.’ Â  Chelios has just done a 15,000 foot back-flop onto an LA, city street, but, it’s okay, he’s indestructible. Â  He’s just on the DL for a few months. Â  In that time, he is taken by Triad gang members who remove Chelios’ heart and replace it with an artificial one. Â  Chelios recovers, killing everyone in his vicinity, and begins his quest for what he calls his “strawberry tart.” Â  Of course, like the original film, we need a ‘Speed’-like facet for Chelios to contend with. Â  The artificial heart he was given needs constant recharging, so the unstoppable hitman must constantly jump-start himself with whatever electrical outlets he can find.

The worst sin ‘Crank: High Voltage’ commits is this belief that it has to be, structure-wise, exactly like its predecessor. Â  There are so many plotpoints and characters that mirror likewise moments from the first film. Â  Neveldine & Taylor’s way of differentiating these elements, however, is by cranking (pun intended) the comedic values up way past 11. Â  

There are only a handful of moments in ‘Crank’ where it is almost eye-rolling how random and ludicrous certain aspects and visual cues are. Â  These are all over the place with this movie, laid out in every scene like landmines just waiting for the audience to step on.

One such moment that takes the egregious cake takes place at a horsetrack. Â  I won’t go into detail what occurs, but it is something that totally mirrors something that happens in the first film, and it is made all the more ridiculous. Â  This scene at the horsetrack is supposed to be funny, but it’s sad how “been-there-done-that” it ultimately feels. Â  

Other “comedy” scenes seem to add absolutely nothing to the film but increase the running time. Â  Do we really need a five-minute long therapy session with a seriously minor character from the first film? Â  Did we need the flashback to a Jerry Springer-style talkshow that a young Chelios and his mother appeared on?

This is not to say there aren’t great action moments in ‘Crank: High Voltage.’ Â  Not ever scene involves things we’ve already seen before only better. Â  The most ingenuity found in the films comes in the form of a dream sequence where giant, Godzilla-like forms of Chelios and another thug are doing battle with a power substation. Â  It doesn’t go on for very long, and it never seems to reach the level of absurdity it could have. Â  However, its mere presence is a whole lot of fun.

Neveldine & Taylor still know how to shoot action and Statham still knows how to throw in quips while punching someone to death. Â  The fluidity of the first film’s shot structures make way for the filmmaker’s new-found usage of handheld cameras, and much of the film feels like Greengrass with full body tourettes. Â  Unfortunately, the nonstop action in this movie never really feels nonstop and it is always loaded down with over-the-top comedy.

Amazingly, though, with all of this over-the-top nature about ‘Crank: High Voltage,’ there are a whole lot of wasted opportunities. Â  Corey Haim as Randy, the owner of the strip club Chelios’ girlfriend, Eve (Amy Smart), now works at is in the film for two scenes, and even those feel forced. Â  David Carradine as a Lo Pan-type gangster is given nothing to do but wag his tongue, literally, here and there. Â  Dwight Yoakam is once again on the phone throughout the film, but even these scenes feel like they were culminated from cut scenes from the original ‘Crank.’

What little heart was found in ‘Crank’ is also missing here. Â  I loved the end scene of ‘Crank’ with Chelios phoning Eve as he is plummeting to his would-be death. Â  A small, throwaway scene here completely squanders that scene. Â  The idea that Chelios lets a Chinese boss live so that he can give up the business for Eve is also thrown away by something that happens in this film.

Criticism and disappointment aside, there is a decent comedy found in ‘Crank: High Voltage.’ Â  Do not go into this expecting the great intensity and action you got from the first film. Â  If you can do that, you might enjoy ‘Crank: High Voltage’ for the Three Stooges-on-acid ridiculousness that it is. Â  If you are expecting the balls-to-the-wall action burlesque show the first film provided, look elsewhere. Â  You won’t find it here.

Overall: 2.75 stars out of 5