Hump Day Horribleness: ‘Disaster Movie’

One of the great features over at the Internet Movie Database is the Bottom 100.   Based on ratings viewers of the site give to various films, the worst of the worst films get put on this list.   Some of them are on and off in a matter of days.   Others stick around for the long haul, showing just how much suckage they truly emit.

It’s time to look at these movies and determine where they stand.   Do they deserve to be on the Bottom 100 list?   Are they not as bad as everyone says?   Will they be off the list any time soon?

Here’s the breakdown for this week’s film:

Title: ‘Disaster Movie’

Release Date: August 29th, 2008

Ranking on Bottom 100 (as of 4/14/2009): #20 (based on 26,735 votes)

Why it’s here: This was the last in the quadrilogy (so far) of Friedberg & Seltzer, the writing/directing team that also brought us ‘Date Movie,’ ‘Epic Movie,’ and ‘Meet the Spartans.’Â   Aside from giving Tony Cox paychecks so that he can continue living his vegetarian lifestyle, these films just randomly throw out as many pop culture references and then decide that’s good enough.

Wanna see Iron Man?   Wanna see Iron Man get crushed under the weight of a falling cow?   God, that’s funny.

Not really.

You can check out our full reviews for ‘Disaster Movie’ here, because, you know, we can’t pass up a free movie, even when it makes bleed from our eye holes and saps us of our childhood memories.   I have long since said goodbye to visions of my first dog, Mario, because I had to see a fake Juno (from ‘Juno’) fight a fake Samantha (from ‘Sex and the City’).   You know what?   Amazingly enough, these two characters are more annoying than the real Juno and the real Samantha, and that’s saying a whole helluva lot.

All of the ridiculous antics in this film culminate in a 10-minute long rendition of Jimmy Kimmel’s famous “I’m F***ing Matt Damon” wherein the characters of the film go back through reintroducing every other character in the entire friggin’ film.   Plus, this being a PG-13 film, the word “f***ing” has been replaced with “loving” so any thoughts of it being funny in the least are totally lost.   That, friends, is a seriously epic FAIL!

Lowest of the low moments: Seeing Mad TV’s Nicole Parker pop up as an Amy Winehouse look-a-like in the opening ‘10,000 BC’ spoof makes you yearn for anything Roland Emmerich put to film.   However, the worst of the worst moments of this film has to be that excruciating “I’m F***ing Matt Damon” montage that seems to last about 18 months.

Will it ever get off the list: This is going to be hard to tell.   It only came out late last year, but the film has almost 27,000 votes.   Almost 21,000 of those votes are 1 out of 10.   1648 people gave it a 10, which makes me fear for future generations.   I’m gonna have to conclude that ‘Disaster Movie’ will forever be on the Bottom 100.   It will surely fluctuate up and down the list, but it will forever have a spot there.