DVD Review: ‘House’

Drab. Â  Clunky. Â  Laughable. Â  Those are just a couple of words that describe the new horror film, ‘House.’ Â  It was almost as if the filmmakers were aiming for that “coveted” seat among the other After Dark Horrorfest films. Â  Of course, not even that group would lay hands upon this film, so, after watching it, you might wonder how or why something like ‘House’ got made. Â  You would wonder, that is, until you see the company behind the film.

Namesake Entertainment was behind the two film adaptations of the ‘Left Behind’ series of novels. Â  Those Christian films didn’t exactly pull in the audience like the novels did, so Namesake has decided for their last two outings to go a little more mainstream with their films. Â  First, they had ‘Thr3e,’ a ‘Saw’/’Seven’ ripoff with Christian undertones. Â  Now, they have ‘House,’ a ‘Texas Chainsaw’-like horror film with Christian undertones.

Don’t get me wrong. Â  The Christian undertones don’t bother me one bit. Â  I’m all for a Christian allegory in my mainstream films now and again. Â  However, the people behind ‘House’ were so enthralled with the notion that they were going to make a mainstream horror film (R-rated, nontheless) for Christians, they never thought to make said film scary in the slightest bit.

They have a premise that horror fans can get behind. Â  A young couple driving through Alabama on their way to marriage counseling get into a car wreck. Â  They meet up with another couple, and, together, the four travel to a nearby house to seek shelter. Â  There, they run into some just-that-side-of-crazy locals who treat them to a nice, home-cooked meal. Â  And then the coffee can comes down the chimney.

That’s not a euphemism for things get crazy. Â  Literally, a coffee can falls down the chimney. Â  Inside the can is a note that reads “Welcome to my house. House rules: 1. God came into my house and i killed him. 2. I will kill anyone who comes into my house as i killed God. 3. Give me one dead body and i might let rule two slide. GAME OVER AT DAWN.” Â  The note is from a maniac known only as The Tin Man, and he looks like he’s wearing some early concept rejects for Tony Stark’s first suit.

The idea of the note, what it says, and the whole concept of the Tin Man are interesting ideas.   In the hands of   a more skilled screenwriter and a more gifted director, ‘House’ could have been a whole lot of fun.   Yeah, they could have even embedded the film with messages and a few morals here and there.   But, what screenwriter Rob Green and director Robby Henson put together is a patchwork of tediously groaning scenes one right after another.

The acting in the film is pretty stagnant, as well. Â  Reynaldo Rosales is half-way decent as the lead male, but the rest of the three people running for their lives are all extremely forgettable. Â  Michael Madsen shows up just slightly, and it’s no surprise to say he plays the Tin Man, but he is earning a paycheck through and through. Â  Bill Moseley, Leslie Easterbrook, and Lew Temple all seem to be trying to offer up some kind of prowess. Â  It just looks like they weren’t handed much in the way of direction.

The people involved with the making of ‘House’ were never given a choice between loading their film with confusing morals or loading it with genuine scares. Â  They didn’t have to choose between those two. Â  They just did, and morals won out. Â  What could have been a decent scarefest just ends up being a lackluster attempt at a religious production company putting out a mainstream horror film. Â  They could have bridged a gap with ‘House.’ Â  They just ended up staying on their side wondering why their film didn’t have people jumping across the ravine.

Overall: 1.75 stars out of 5