Discuss: Why you haven’t seen ‘Observe and Report’ and Why you are wrong

I would love to think that all of our readers are the most amazing human beings on the planet and did what we politely asked them to do this past weekend, which is to go and see ‘Observe and Report’. However, by looking at the numbers, I now realize that probably not even half of you guys did that.

So, let me ask you this… Why are you not seeing ‘Observe and Report’? It is absolutely the best movie in theaters right now and for not going to see it, you are telling me that you don’t like really great movies. Let’s break down the reasons why you might not be going.

**SPOILER WARNING to everything below, also it could be considered for Mature Audiences as well**

I already watched this movie a few months ago.

Let me tell you first off. THIS IS NOT ‘PAUL BLART: MALL COP’. Your kids would be offended in the first 10 minutes of this movie and this movie is rated a hard ‘R’. Let’s also not forget that the previously mentioned movie was good for a chuckle or two, if that, but ‘Observe and Report’ is piss yourself funny. Comparing Kevin James to Seth Rogen is like comparing a Uwe Boll movie to a Kevin Smith movie, two different kinds of funny.

The “Date Rape” Scene

OK. Let me first say this… Brandi (Anna Faris) took antidepressants and drank a lot of tequila. So yes, she was trashed. After they leave the restaurant they hang out on the lawn where Brandi pukes, is noticeably trashed, Ronnie “accepts her” and we go from seeing them outside, to seeing him have sex with her. We have NO IDEA what transpired between those scenes and for all we know she could have said “have sex with me Ronnie, I want you so bad”. In the trailer you see parts of this scene where he stops and she says “Why’d you stop motherfucker”. He did not have to “rouse” her, he merely stopped for a second and she was obviously not passed out because she was coherent enough to ASK him why he stopped.

If the same situation was reversed and the girl was going at it on top of a guy that was obviously drunk/passed out there wouldn’t even be a question in your minds about whether she had date raped him, the answer would be no. People, that’s genderism! This must end now!

The gratuitous male full frontal nudity:

You only see it once and it’s not for that long… besides the rest of the movie totally makes up for it and you sorta feel bad for the guy afterwords.

Reasons why you SHOULD see it:

Seth Rogen… do you need any other reason?

Does Seth Rogen have any “bad” movies in his closet? Let’s check the back catalog: ‘Zack and Miri’, ‘Pineapple Express’, ‘Knocked Up’, ‘Superbad’, ’40 Year Old Virgin’ on my count those are all top notch comedies. I haven’t seen a bad movie that he has had any major role in, and ‘Observe and Report’ isn’t any different. Rogen brings his unique brand of comedy to a darker role that Jody Hill wrote perfectly. You will quickly realize that he isn’t just doing comedy, he really gets into this role. Besides, don’t you want to see Rogen take on about 15 cops with a Mag flashlight? Yes, you do…

So you are still not sold, OK, lets continue…

The F.U. Scene

This has to be one of the greatest scenes in cinema history! Why would you deprive yourself of seeing this full scene in theaters? You wouldn’t, that’s why.

The scene starts off with Ronnie accusing Aziz of being the flasher, he replies with the fact that his dick is “brown” and he couldn’t possibly be the flasher. Ronnie then says he knew he was behind the Chic-Fil-A bombing attempt in which Aziz gives a reply that will probably make you pee your pants. I found just a snippet of the scene below:

Anna Faris is a smoking hot

Isn’t Anna Faris enough to go see pretty much any movie? Especially one that she plays the mall makeup counter slut! I think so, people.

Aziz Ansari is in this f$*%ing movie!

If you don’t know who Azis Ansari, is then you apparently aren’t following that closely. He stars in the new NBC show ‘Parks and Recreation’, had a cameo in ‘Observe and Report’ and also shows up in the new Judd Apatow movie ‘Funny People’ alongside Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen.

A few months ago, Apatow hosted a stand-up evening with the cast of ‘Funny People’ and everyone there said that Aziz brought the house down. Collider did a writeup about the night and said this about Aziz:

“the funniest segment in a consistently hilarious evening. In fact, as the youngish, overwhelmingly hetero crowd spilled out into the streets after the show, it was Randy’s routine that had multiple guys openly admitting to crying themselves silly with laughter. From the look of things, Apatow will have to be careful that Ansari’s scenes don’t run away with the film.”

This guy is a great up and coming comedian, which you can bet we will be seeing in more than just cameo roles very soon. Why not see him RIGHT NOW in ‘Observe and Report’?

Danny McBride plays a Caucasian Crackhead

Literally, the character he plays in the movie is billed as ‘Caucasian Crackhead’, that alone should be enough to make you rush out and see it because we all know what Jody Hill is capable of doing with Danny McBride. Oh, you don’t know about Jody Hill and Danny McBride? Well sir, I envy you because now you get to go out and watch ‘Foot Fist Way’ and ‘Eastbound and Down’ and there is nothing like getting to see these for the first time.

‘Foot Fist Way’ stars Danny McBride as a Tae Kwon Do instructor who is more likely to fuck these kids up than to teach them anything and ‘Eastbound and Down’ is a show on HBO starring McBride as Kenny Powers, a washed up egotistical MLB pitcher who is forced to take a job as a substitute P.E. teacher while living with his brother and trying to steal his high school girlfriend back.

Henry Hill and Michael Pena

Ray Liotta and Michael Pena are both in this movie, which is something you absolutely would not expect from either of them. Ray Liotta plays a little bit more snarky version of Henry Hill, expect of course he is an FBI agent in the film. Michael Pena plays Ronnie’s right hand man, but does it with a lisp that would embarrass any gay man (no, I am not a homophobe and it isn’t meant as a jab to gay people… chill) to shame.

So I gave you a handful of reasons why you SHOULD go see this movie, and debunked some of the reasons why you haven’t seen it yet. So let me ask you this… Why have you not seen ‘Observe and Report’?