Review: ‘The Last House on the Left’ (2009)

Wes Craven gave the horror genre and the drive-in culture a hearty introductional handshake of a film in 1972’s ‘Last House on the Left’.   The film’s promotional campaign would remind us that “To Avoid Fainting, keep repeating ‘It’s only a movie…only a movie, only a movie, only a movie, only a movie”.   This was probably so repetitive because the film felt so real, almost like a documentary that couldn’t have its say in the events that were unfolding before the camera. Because of that, the film was a hit due to the shock on the senses in it’s brutality and savage execution.   Personally, I’m not the biggest fan of the film, but I understand it’s success based off of these attributes.

You see, ladies and gentlemen, horror originality seems to be in the hands of the French right now.   Therefore, American horror – remake or not – will be under heavy scrutiny until we get a wowza of an original American horror film.   In my opinion, we are due for one.   Until then, mainstream studios are regurgitating the horror films that were the underbelly of their past into marketable little flicks with thrills, chills and guttural spills, ‘Last House on the Left’ is the newest entry up for the chopping block.  

Mari is a young teenaged athletic swimmer who joins her mom and dad for a little vacation.   Being the typical teenager Mari is, she wants some independence.   First, she asks to stay in the guest house which is  separated from the main house that sits near a lake. Then, she asks to borrow the only vehicle they travelled in to meet her friend Paige, who works at a local convenience store.   Paige mentions to Mari how she needs some pot as a leering young man named Justin overhears the conversation and offers a trade, that seems innocent enough.   For the most part, it is.   The only issue is that they have to travel to a local motel room to pick up the goods.   What the girls don’t know is that the kid is not on vacation like Mari.   He is with a band of criminals that are on the run.   Before the girls can finish a makeover – yes, you heard that correctly – with the poor little fella, the crime committing family consisting of Justin’s father, Krug, his uncle Francis and Sadie.   Justin, being the good one in the family, turns a blind eye to the 3 criminals making his new guests uncomfortable, nervous and most of all fearing for their lives.

Considering the fact that I think the original ‘Last House’ thrives and survives on the raw intensity that unfolds throughout the film, the update does a pretty decent job on keeping it somewhat nasty.   While there are some great little revenge attack set-ups, they don’t seem as potent or as powerful as the original.   Krug doesn’t have a demanding command over the dysfunctional criminal gang.   In fact, I would even go as far to say that Sadie seems to be the one in control most of the time.   I tried not to think back on the original while watching the film, but it was tough.   Watching this update reminded me how much David Hess, who I think is better in Deodato’s The House on the Edge of the Park, really took his role and ran with it.   Plus, this new Krug just looks too pretty.   Then again, this Krug isn’t the same as the old Krug, so I will let this pass.   As a Side Note, I see that the actor who plays Krug in this update, Garret Dillahunt, is a gang member in ‘The Road’ – all I’m going to say is he better step it up.   Riki Lindhome does a great job as Sadie.   I hope to see her in more commanding roles as I feel she was the only one that really hit it out of the park.

Adam Alleca & Carl Ellsworth do a very good job of updating the film and fixing some of the mistakes of the original.   One of which, I’m very thankful of.   There are no dumb cops in this one trying to hitch a ride due to their car breaking down.   That subplot is gone. The writers also utilize the fact that the father is a doctor in order to show some very small gore and cringe worthy scenes while the character heals his daughter after the initial discovery that she has been shot.   Also, I wanted to throw this out there since I have been emailing John Murphy back & forth, he was much underused.   He informed me prior to the release that “they” wanted a score that sounded like the 28 Days & 28 Weeks later films.   It does sound like this in one particular movement/scene especially.   Personally, Murphy is one of my favorite modern composers, and I wish he was used to his full potential on this one.   With that said, he does contribute a score that is pretty minimalist as well.   Dennis Iliadis does a very decent job with the directorial duties.   It’s not too glossy like Nispel’s remakes of ‘Friday the 13th’ or ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’, which I think is a good thing, but stylish in a very quiet manner.

I liked the film, but it did seem kind of pedestrian.   Audiences will not be talking about the overall tone or the approach of the film like its ’72 predecessor, but they will probably talk about the execution scenes of the criminals that meet their end.   It won’t make sleep with a gun by your side, but it will make you think twice to see if you locked your door.

[Overall: 3 out of 5 – See it during a Matinee or rent it on DVD]