B-Movie Binge: Killer Animals!

What is a B-movie Binge? Really, it’s nothing outlandishly unique. It’s more a ritual, or shall I say, state of being, whereas you proceed to spend your free time with b-movies and a purpose. This isn’t just a matter of sitting at home and watching whatever movie happens to be playing on HBO, nor is it the act of renting a single random movie from Blockbuster to occupy your eyes and ears for a couple of hours. No, B-movie Binging takes a little bit more effort. Planning, strategy, organization… these are all skills used in the art of B-movie Binging.

• The first rule, and this is the MOST important, to properly embark on a B-movie Binge, is that major Hollywood studio fare is forbidden! In fact, any movie that is widely considered “good” by the average viewing public is typically NOT considered eligible. This is not to say that a B-movie can’t be “good” but it’s generally a lesser known movie and appeals to the slightly more adventurous taste.
• The second rule is to follow a theme. The theme can be pre-determined, or if you’re not sure what theme strikes your fancy for the day, simply show up at your local video store and browse until a B-movie catches your interest. The key here is to NOT second guess your instinct. You see it, your brain goes “Oh, that’s interesting” and you pick it up. Now, determine what the theme of your Binge will be based on that movie.
• The third rule is that a B-movie Binge MUST consist of a minimum of three (3) feature-length movies. More is fine, and in some respects much more impressive, but no less than three. [Two movies back-to-back is just a double feature.]
• The fourth and final rule is that your B-movie Binge must happen consecutively in a single day. Spreading out the movies over a couple days does not count. You must be committed to the binge until the binge is complete. Bathroom breaks are permitted.

Follow the link the read more to find out which movies I binged on this time…

B-Movie #1… ‘Kaw‘ (2007), directed by Sheldon Wilson. starring Sean Patrick Flanery, Stephen McHattie, Kristin Booth and Rod Taylor. A modern rip-off of Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds’. A small Pennsylvania town’s police chief is working his last day before he and his wife move to the city. Suddenly, a massive gathering of ravens attack the town and begin killing and feeding on people. Only later is it discovered that a local Mennonite family’s herd of cattle came down with Mad Cow’s Disease and they slaughtered them to cover up the truth. Unfortunately, the ravens fed on the cattle corpses, infecting themselves and turning them into flesh-eating psycho birds.

B-Movie #2… ‘The Roost‘ (2005), directed by Ti West, starring Tom Noonan, Karl Jacob and Larry Fessenden. This is sort of a part killer animal part zombie movie. Four teenagers are driving to a wedding on Halloween night, but find themselves lost in a rural area at night. When their car gets stuck, they venture out into the night to see get help from a local house. The house is empty, but they find a large barn out back and discover it’s inhabited with bats. One by one, the teenagers are picked off by the bats and turned into flesh-craving mindless zombies.

B-Movie #3… ‘Ice Spiders‘ (2007) directed by Tibor Takacs, starring Patrick Muldoon and Vanessa Williams. Ouch! This was an unbearably bad movie with bad FX and worse dialogue. A group of skiers travel to a remote mountain resort to train for the Olympics. Once they arrive, people begin to die horrible deaths as six giant genetically-engineered spiders have escaped from a nearby military research facility. The visitors of the resort must fight for survival as a determined scientist and his crew of special ops marines attempt to recapture the monstrous arachnids.

B-Movie #4… ‘Frankenfish‘ (2004), directed by Mark Dippe, starring Tory Kittles, K.D. Aubert, China Chow, Matthew Rauch, Donna Biscoe and Reggie Lee. You could say this was the “best” movie of the bunch, but that’s pushing it. From the director of ‘Spawn’, the movie follows a medical examiner and conservation officer as they set out into the deep bayou of Louisiana to investigate the grisly death of a local fisherman. They soon discover that it’s the work of giant, genetically-engineered Chinese Snake-Head fish that have a taste for human flesh. Now stranded, they find themselves fighting to escape the swamp and avoid becoming fish food while a crazy sport hunter attempts to seize a trophy kill.