Review: ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’

Travis:

What can I really say? I’m sure most of you saw this coming. This “modern retelling” of the classic science fiction original is beyond disappointing, it’s a disgrace. ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’ (2008) should have been titled ‘The Day the Audience Should Have Spent the $12 for an IMAX Ticket on the Original DVD Instead of Wasting it on a Single Viewing of this Poor Excuse of a Movie’.

Director (I use this term lightly) Scott Derrickson last made his cinematic mark with ‘The Exorcism of Emily Rose’ (2005). Prior to that, he helmed ‘Hellraiser: Inferno’ (2000) which is well beyond the point i which the franchise was fresh and fluffy. Do I need to point out the relationship between the number of films and the span of the career? [Total = 4 movies in 13 years, and we ain’t talking masterpieces]

I am going to make a prediction… I do see an award in store for this movie. A Golden Razzie! Keanu Reeves… I know, sends shivers down your spine, right? Reeves plays Klaatu, an alien being who arrives on Earth with a mission to eradicate the planet of it’s irreversible disease… mankind. OK, here’s the first example of where this version differs from the original. In the original, the message is one of mankind living peacefully with each other. In this version, the message is one of mankind caring for the planet and not destroying it with pollution and industrialism. Klaatu Reeves emerges from his psychedelic bowling ball from space and is immediately shot by a trigger happy soldier. (This remains true to the original.)

Enter GORT, or as is explained later in this version, the “Genetically Organized Robotic Technology” senses that Klaatu is in danger and initiates ASS KICKING mode. But, Klaatu (who seems unconscious) manages to give the signal for GORT to heel. Unfortunately, we don’t actually get to hear him utter the classic safe words… Klaatu Barata Nikto. With GORT in submissive slumber, Klaatu is hauled off by the cliche military that insists on playing by their own rules. By the way, the government secret agency of your choice had already rounded up the country’s most brilliant scientific minds including a civil engineer (don’t ask me?) and an astro-microbiologist named Helen Benson (Jennifer Connelly). The Secretary of Defense (Kathy Bates) is intent on securing information to stop any impending danger via Abu Graib style techniques until Dr. Benson helps Klaatu escape.

I’ll spare you the boredom of the second act of the film, which consists of lame chase sequences and poorly acted melodramatic emotional scenes that actually have very little significance to the story. The one cool scene in the middle of the film belongs to the recently cinematically absent John Cleese who has a brief cameo role as the Nobel Prize winning Professor Barnhardt.

Finally, and this is more out of mercy than necessity, I have to dwell for a moment on GORT. It’s no secret that the special effects in the 1951 original were cheesy by our standards, but they were fine for their time and were accompanied by a good story and great direction from Robert Wise. On the other hand, the 2008 version also has cheesy special effects (or, just bad ones, to be honest) even by today’s standards and doesn’t benefit from a good story or good direction. GORT, who could have been the saving grace for this film, ends up being a 20-foot tall remedially rendered CGI robot thing with cartoonish limbs and a laserbeam shooting cyclops eye. Conceptually, the idea of GORT was relevant to the original, until of course he breaks down into a plague of tiny nano-metallic robo-locusts that swarm the Earth devouring everything in their paths. Familiar? How about this… Klaatu activates several glowing orbs (aka Arks) to carry every species of animal (except us) safely into space before mankind’s impending doom. Someone felt the need to integrate some weak Bible metaphors into this story and it doesn’t do the film any justice. [End of Rant]

[Overall: 1.5 stars out of 5]

Jeremy:

The 1951 original ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’ is a classic in the sci-fi genre, a B-level parable whose message came in the early days of the Red Scare.   It was a film heavy on plot whose execution included some pretty cheesy special effects.   The robot known as Gort emitted a ray beam that made tanks and rifles disappear in the blink of an eye and the alien, Klaatu, traveled in a typical flying saucer.   57 years later the storyline hasn’t evolved much, but the special effects certainly have.   Now, Gort shoots missiles out of the sky with its ray beam and directs drone planes to crash directly into the tanks.   Klaatu now travels in a giant, green, glowing sphere.   The new version of ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’ is the direct opposite of the original.   The plot is lame and the film is heavy on special effects.

As in the original, Klaatu, this time played by the robotic Keanu Reeves, comes to earth to deliver a message.   If we don’t change our ways, he is going to wipe out the human race to make earth a safer place for whoever or whatever inhabits it next.   Jennifer Connelly plays the compassionate microbiologist who is set the task of convincing Klaatu that there is good in the human race and that we have the ability to change.

This message of the human race being the catalyst for the destruction of itself was significant in the early ‘50s when the nuclear age was in its early stages of development.   Now, the message has jumped the tracks over into the environmental arena.   We are once again destroying the planet, but we’re doing it with pollution, not mushroom clouds.   It’s the same kind of message M. Night Shyamalan attempted to deliver with ‘The Happening’, but it results in the same eye-rolling absurdity, nonetheless.   You don’t have to be cynical to realize how ridiculous the ideas this remake suggests truly are.   If Michael Rennie in a spacesuit couldn’t get us to stop destroying the planet, what makes anyone think Keanu Reeves in a designer suit would make a difference?

The screenplay by David Scarpa hits all the go-to points a film about alien visitors should hit.   Humans freak out at the sight of an alien and the thought of an invasion.   The US government covers up with the wave of a hand.   Apparently, there are military bases deep underground all throughout the Midwest where giant robots are stored.   There’s the destruction of a recognizable landmark.   This time around, it’s Shea Stadium, and it’s pretty anticlimactic.   The benevolence of a few breaks through the alien’s hard exterior to mollify the situation before the end comes.   It’s no spoiler warning required to say that everything turns out alright.

There are very few interesting and new ideas in ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’.   Not enough to really register over the brainless screenplay and annoyingly awful computer graphics.   The main update in storyline is in the size of Gort, Klaatu’s robotic bodyguard who becomes the centerpiece of all the action.   In the original, Gort was human-sized.   In this one, its as big as a Transformer.   Unfortunately, the director here is Scott Derrickson who decides to shoot everything in extreme close-up.   It’s hard to get a sense of proportion when all you see on the screen is Gort’s glowing, red eye.   The hackneyed direction, incredibly bogus CG and ludicrous plot go hand in hand in creating a film that falls flat from start to finish.

The acting is nothing to write home about, either.   Reeves made this acting decision where he would move his head in a different direction with every word he spoke.   It’s distracting, and he seems to be trying way too hard to be alien-like.   Connelly is replaceable.   She says her lines and collects her paycheck.   The supporting cast isn’t worthwhile, either.   Kathy Bates and Kyle Chandler show up as the personification of our evil government.   Bates isn’t given much to do other than watch everything that unfolds from a distance looking apprehensive.   Jaden Smith plays Connelly’s precocious stepson.   The idea of the precocious child is annoying in concept alone, and Smith plays the part exactly as you would expect.

In the long history of blatantly hollow remakes, ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’ is one of the worst.   The one or two original ideas the film conveys are completely lost in the meandering and insipid muck that makes up this film’s structure.  Ã‚   More vacant than the Bates Motel and more bogus than Nixon’s apology, it’s a film whose sole existence is a lesson in futility.   It’s not going to be the end of the Hollywood remake machine, but it certainly will go down as a footnote if the remakes ever do stop.   December 12th may not be the day the earth really stands still, but, in theaters across America, audiences are certainly going to be watching a film that never moves one bit.

[Overall: 1.5 stars out of 5]

Quin:

Well… I thought the previews were the best part of this whole movie experience. I felt the movie was sloppy when put together and, while I have never been a sci-fi girl, I can still appreciate a good film. This was not a good film at all.

[Overall: 2 stars out of 5]