Kevin Smith Week: Crazy Fan Stories

This story was sent to me by fan Matthew Manselle. Please read and enjoy below:

Wow – It’s been a long time since I’ve even considered posting on a message board, much less this one. You see, I was one of the old-school posters here back in ’96. When there were like – maybe fifteen regular posters at the most. Back when you were filming Dogma and giving all of us online set reports every day. This whole thing was kind of new at the time and it was really cool to have such a cool view of the filmmaking process. I worked graveyard-shift as a security guard in some out of the way semi-conductor company back then. The receptionist gave me access to her computer at night so I would just post shit up on this message board all night long. Sometimes you’d be on at like three in the morning and you’d join in on the fun. Things were a little tamer and looser at this place back then.

But here’s the thing Kevin – I don’t really expect this, but you might remember one of my posts. This is where this post is going to get a little long because I want to give you a small piece of backstory.

I saw Clerks for the first time opening night at the Towne Theater in San Jose California. It was the summer of 1994. It was a date that eventually turned into a wonderful three year relationship. Her name was Britt. She worked at this coffee shop I went to. It was her idea to see your movie. Homegirl had good taste so I kept hangin’ out with her. It was true love and stuff.

Anyway, a year and a half passes. Britt and I break up temporarily. Just lame ass post-puberty bullshit (I was twenty-one at the time, she was nineteen). Out of the blue she gives me a call and says she wants to go see this movie called Mallrats. I’m delighted to discover that this movie is from the same dude who made Clerks. Like it’s fated in some strange way. I accept her offer. We got back together that night.

Six months later Britt died in a car accident. It was the most traumatic event in my life. Just completely fucked up in every way possible. I guess you could say I went into a downward spiral (which is to be sort of expected I suppose). I don’t remember much about that time in my life. Just that I didn’t go out much. Spent a lot of time not sleeping, by myself in a closed up bedroom enveloped in a thick fog of cigarette and pot smoke. Very blurry time. I guess it was about six-months into my self-imposed exile that my friends kidnapped me and dragged me out of my stupor. They took me to a movie. It was called Chasing Amy.

Long story short, seeing this movie about a guy who is completely blind to the fact that he’s blowing the best thing that will probably ever come his way, from the point of view of someone who (at that point in my life) did in fact lose “the one” – well it was very eye-opening. And in some strange inexplicable way you played a very important role in me completing the mourning process in regards to Britt.

One of my first posts on this site was a thank-you letter. That’s why I think there’s at least some degree of a chance that you’ll remember it.

Anyway, it’s strange. I moved to Los Angeles a little over three years ago. I got this job working at the Tower Records on Sunset while I did the whole trying-to-sell-my-screenplay thing. And what would you fucking know, you happen to be a regular customer. Every fucking Tuesday I’m ringing you up for your DVDs. I remember having a ten minute long conversation with you about the comics industry and who we thought was going to die in Identity Crisis (we were both wrong). I wanted to tell you that I used to post here back in the day but I didn’t want to seem like some kind of Hollywood-schmoozer-tool (it was bad enough that I asked if you guys were hiring when you opened the Secret Strash in Westwood).

Now I’m back in San Jose (been here four the past for months). I just watched your latest online journal for Clerks 2 and I’m so glad you’ve come back to us. Not that I didn’t like Jersey Girl – but I miss the dick and fart jokes. It’s your gift. It’s your curse. But as one old-school Askewvert who loved your flicks before it was cool to love your flicks, thanks dude. You got me through some really tough times, thanks a ton.

The Stepford Clerk