Review: ‘College’

Travis:

I have a request to make… if ever I am faced again with a decision like whether to go see a movie such as ‘Babylon A.D.’ or to go see a movie like ‘College’… if I truly must choose then make sure I err in favor of the special FX… otherwise, clamp my head in a vice grip and manually lobotomize me with a rusty drill bit, because that would make more sense than actually paying money to see ‘College’. I suppose I didn’t get the hidden message when the studios yanked all the press screenings. Oh, no… I said “What the Hell do the studios know? I bet this movie’s going to be funny. I’ll pay $8.75 and see for myself. That’ll show ’em!”

My advice… DON’T! I was wrong. There, I said it. ‘College’ is basically this: ‘Van Wilder’ meets ‘Super Bad’ with one major difference. It ain’t funny! [OK, so it did garner a guilty laugh or two more than ‘Disaster Movie’ but that is no compliment.] What a horrible year for the box office on Labor Day weekend… ‘Disaster Movie’, ‘College’ and apparently ‘Babylon A.D.’ is no Oscar winner either. Three friends take a road trip to Fieldmont College to have the weekend of their lives, hoping to hit some major college parties, drink lots of free beer and score lots of college girls. Soon after they arrive, these three high school students find themselves the subject of a bored fraternity’s amusement and they suffer greatly. But, as one might expect, all works out in the end. Oh, darnit! Did I just give away the ending? Shucks!

Where are the similarities? Aside from the obvious ones, high school kids hitting as many parties they have no business being near getting drunker than they ever should, trying to get laid by college girls and being tormented by the frat boys, ‘College’ attempts to reinvent a perfectly good wheel and comes up with something the vaguely resembles a paper boat, because this movie sinks as soon as it sets sail. It has a fat kid that thinks he’s cooler than he really is (Super Bad), who’s best friends with an up-tight responsible skinny kid (Super Bad) who’s friends with a nerdy bookworm with glasses who simply doesn’t get it (Super Bad). They’re tormented by a fraternity led by an a**hole who was obviously cast to closely resemble Van Wilder, but this would be the evil version of Van Wilder, because Ryan Reynolds played a super-cool Van Wilder that wasn’t an a**hole. “It” sort of continues to roll downhill from here, if you’re familiar with the phrase. ‘College’ is unoriginal and lame, rarely humorous and has dialogue that maybe matches that of TV’s ‘Saved By the Bell’. My advice… just let this one die out quickly. The more people that go and see it the longer it will linger.

[rating:1/5]

Scott:

The previews for this movie are very deceiving, and they lead you to believe this movie is going to be the next generation’s ‘Animal House’ or ‘American Pie’. Let me say that if this is the case, the next generation is going to SUCK. This movie is a blatant rip off of other teen movies of recent years such as ‘Dorm Daze’, ‘American Pie: Naked Mile’, and many more. The most obvious reference is to ‘Superbad’. You have The Skinny guy who gets the girl, The Chubby Funny guy who hooks up with a girl that wouldnt give them a second glance in real life, and the super nerd.

There are a handful of funny moments, and they are “chuckle” moments at best. Like your typical direct to dvd movies, all of the funny stuff is in the trailer, so maybe instead of going to see this movie you could watch the trailer a bunch, and then go rent ‘American Pie: Naked Mile’ instead.

[rating:1/5]