Review: ‘Beer For My Horses’

Ram Man:

Beer For My Horses is a movie written by Toby Keith and Rodney Carrington adapted from Keith’s hit country tune of the same name.   Just because your song does well doesn’t mean you turn it into a movie. Country music fans will probably want to hang me for ripping on one of their Gods, but I’m not saying anything about the man’s singing..he just can’t act!

Beer For My Horses is the story of two Oklahoma “good ol’ boy’ sheriff’s deputies that spend their days settling town squabbles, chasing women and drinking at the local bar. Remember I did say it came from a country song. Rack (Keith)  and Lonnie (Carrington) always seem to get the short end of the stick from  Sheriff Landry (Tom Skerritt). Landry send the boys and fellow deputy Skunk (Ted Nugent) to stake out a fertilizer factory that has been constantly robbed that past few days. Nugent does one of the best Silent Bob impersonations not speaking until the last 2 minutes of the film. The three end up catching a crew that included Mexican drug lord Tito Garza’s little brother. In an act of retaliation Garza kidnaps Rack’s girlfriend Annie (Claire Forlani) and takes her down to Mexico and demands an exchange Bro for Ho. Rack, Lonnie and Skunk break out the Monster truck for a road trip south of the border. Beer For My horses is a predictable glorified Dukes of Hazzard style TV movie on the big screen. You know Garza isn’t the head bad guy 1/2 way through the film. The  supporting cast of characters featuring Mel Tillis, Mac Davis, Cletis T. Judd and  Willie Nelson  reads like a CMT reunion in Dollywood, Tenn.

Beer For My Horses and Rum for the audience! It’s the only way to get through this 80 minutes of sheer hell. To ask the public for $8-10 dollars for a ticket to this is highway robbery. If you are a Toby Kieth fan or like Rodney Carrington’s stand up routine, and you feel obligated to see this film..wait a couple of days and it will be on the dollar rack at your local video store or the Saturday night movie on CMT. Keith stick to singing and Ford commercials. Rodney stay with the comedy tour and classics like Dear Penis and Fred. Leave the film roles to professionals. My charity only extends so far for For Ted and Rodney I give you a half a star to share.

[rating 1/2 out of 5]

Travis:

Toby Keith has now officially made the leap from country music singer to Hollywood actor. Woo-Hoo! I am SOOO excited… NOT! ‘Beer For My Horses’ is co-written by Toby Keith and he also stars as the main character, a deputy sheriff named Rack who is sort of a cross between Andy Griffith and Harry Callahan. His girlfriend Cammie (Gina Gershon) dumps his butt and then he finds out that his high school fling Annie (Claire Forlani) is back in town and he hooks up with her. Meanwhile, there’s a string of fertilizer thefts in town and the sheriff suspects it’s the work of meth chefs. Not entirely confident of Rack and his crew’s competence, Sheriff Landry (Tom Skerritt) sends Rack and his partners out to bust the culprit red handed. After the stake-out turns into a gun-fight, Rack finds his new-old girlfriend Annie has been kidnapped by a Mexican drug lord and taken to Mexico. Against the sheriff’s orders, Rack road trips down to Mexico to save her, accomodated by some peculiar encounters and goofy antics along the way.

Barney Fife type deputy sidekick Lonnie (Rodney Carrington) and his silent, but deadly deputy Skunk (Ted Nugent) are crucial in saving this movie from total disaster. Toby Keith couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag. Nugent has maybe two lines the entire film, but his character is kind of cool, having been raising on an indian reservation and portraying a sort of crazy Rambo-like personality. Carrington actually pulled some decent laughs out of his performance, especially the scene when he’s in the rest stop bathroom and notices the acoustics. He begins singing an old R&B song (sorry, don’t remember the song name) and the “thugs” in the bathroom join in acapella. Rack and crew wind up in a bizarre make-shift town of traveling circus performers after their truck gets damaged. The scene isn’t bad, but feels out of place as it resembles something out of a David Lynch film than something that belongs in this movie. Of course, there’s lots of music in the movie from Toby Keith, so that’s a bonus if you like his songs (not my cup of tea).

The action in ‘Beer For My Horses’ was second-rate stuff you’d expect to see in a direct-to-DVD b-movie. I was actually surprised by how many stars wound up in the movie, all of whom did fine. Additional appearances came from Willie Nelson and Barry Corbin (Northern Exposure). Overall, the movie had some laughs, but I felt the movie was old hat comedy that’s been done to death and lacked any originality.

(1 out of 5 stars)