Uwe Boll says … I’ll Show You!

While at Cannes, Uwe Boll has apparently announced his next two films. I have to hand it to him … he’s like the pest you just can’t kill. Or, maybe a better analogy is that he’s like an ultra-resilient virus that keeps resurfacing. We try to knock him out with anti-biotics, but each time he comes back as a slightly more aggressive mutated strain of himself.

Here’s the deal, Boll has two films on the table that should prove not only to force critics into an uncharted territory of movie bashing, but now he runs the risk of offending “real” people on “real” issues.

WARNING! The following describes unpleasant things …

Boll’s first of two new films will be Stoic, a drama which will tell the story of an actual 2006 event where three Germans are arrested and thrown in prison. These three men, while playing poker with a fourth, force the fourth the eat a tube of toothpaste after losing, he vomits, is forced to eat that and is then rapes and tortured before his three demented cellmates help him to hang himself to cover up their crimes.

Boll’s film to follow will be Janjaweed, a story about the Sudanese genocide being committed by Janjaweed militia, which centers on a group of American journalists who struggle with whether to leave the country and report the atrocities or stay and somehow help.

Both films will contain improvised dialogue created by the actors themselves, which at this point includes Edward, Furlong, Sam Levinson and Shaun Sipos. I truly can’t understand why someone would want to make a movie such as these, especially an important current issue like Janjaweed, without a well-though-out script. Then again, in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter Boll said “What can I lose?” he says. “I got so bashed for my video game adaptations I don’t care anymore.”