Best of the Bad … ‘Death Bed: The Bed That Eats’

With a title like Death Bed: The Bed That Eats, there’s little room for pretentious film-making. This movie wears its heart on its sleeve in all its campy, cheesy, terribly bad, not worth watching but can’t quite take your eyes away from it glory. Death Bed (1977) began filming in 1972 … a print was run in 1977, found itself receiving cult status in Europe after it was pirated, but didn’t officially release until 2003. That may tell you all you need to know, but if you’re a hardcore b-movie fan you’ll give it a chance, for better or worse.

On a side note, comedian Patton Oswalt is among those who appreciate this film, even if it serves as comedic fodder. Oswalt speaks about Death Bed in his CD called Werewolves and Lollipops. He claims to be fascinated by the movie, as he writes for the big screen on occasion, exclaiming it gives him hope that anything he writes can ultimately succeed.

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is about, as near as I can piece together, a demon who is manifest as a bed that has an uncontrollable hunger. Unsuspecting victims find themselves drifting into slumberland or making whoopie in this large ornate bed, only to discover themselves being slowly digested by the bed’s demonic gastric acids that creep up out of the mattress and suck you into its belly. What do you suppose is the sleep number for that? [sorry…]

The middle majority of the film consists of people laying in bed, having sex in bed, both of which leading to being eaten in bed, an occasional unnecessary shot of gratuitous mammary glands, REALLY bad acting, even worse special effects, lots of shots of the bed’s stomach digesting various things, including giving itself a healthy dose of Pepto-Bismo after developing a stomach ache, munching sound effects used whenever the bed eats a victim and excessively ridiculous use of voice-overs allowing the audience to hear the characters’ thoughts [there’s more of this than actual spoken dialogue].

Oh, almost forgot … the demon bed had one diseased victim it didn’t want to eat, so it instead reincarnated him as a ghost trapped behind a picture on the wall. Utilizing even more of the marvelous voice-over technique, there is an ongoing conversation between the ghost and the bed. The ghost gives play-by-play commentary throughout the film as each victim approaches their death. Eventually, some strange connection is made between one young girl and the girl who was sacrificed to manifest the demon as a bed. Hence, a reversal of this ritual is performed, ending the movie with the fiery demise of the evil mattress giant.

Now, I know you’re all eager as a beaver to run out and rent this DVD, or maybe even buy it! If so, be sure to watch the special DVD introduction by director George Barry. Its priceless, featuring Barry explaining the history of the film and its journey into a cult classic. But beware, you may never look at your bed the same again. Ha ha ha ha ha …