Review: ‘Doomsday’

Travis:

[WARNING !!! May Contain Spoilers !!!]

OK, fine … so I’ve never walked through Central Park at night, or even been to New York. But, I’ve seen it done on TV. While its typically not a recommended NYC tourist activity, its also more urban myth than an actual guarantee you’ll end up dead … unless you’re cast in the first three minutes of CSI: New York. My point … you’ll have a better chance of getting mugged and killed walking through Central Park at night than being shocked by anything in Doomsday. Where did things go wrong?

This was the first movie I saw upon recovering from my own viral breakout, venturing out of my dark cave of an apartment with much anticipation and eagerness to witness what I was led to believe would be the mother of all violent, shocking futuristic Mad Max type of action films. Man, was I disappointed! Doomsday was fun and entertaining, but only about as shocking as seeing Lindsey Lohan drunk. Where was all this so-called gore and depravity? I remember reading somewhere that this film was riddled with be-headings … I counted three. Hey, I don’t buy into false advertising. I suppose the scene depicting a human smorgasbord can be counted as taboo, but I don’t think the way it was portrayed is what I would call “shocking.”

Look, I’m not some freaky weird-o Hell-bent on seeing twisted, demented extreme acts of human desecration … but, I’ve seen some more “shocking” things on The Jerry Springer Show. OK, enough of all this negativity already. I do try and remain as positive about any movie I see as I can, so here’s what I liked about Doomsday:

• The story begins stylistically as a cross between Aliens and Resident Evil, then eventually morphs into the more recognizable Mad Max type of action. In between, well … we get a lot of Gladiator meets Braveheart.
• I really enjoyed watching Rhona Mitra in this role. She played a very convincing bad-ass chick that could make any man cry with a sudden spinning roundhouse to your temple. The weird thing is, I kept having to remind myself that she wasn’t Kate Beckinsale. Did anyone else notice this, or was it just me?
• The short but sweet fight scene between Eden and Viper (Sol’s girlfriend) just after Eden escapes captivity. I would’ve gladly sat through more of that. Too bad Viper had to bite it … she was cool!
• Two words … Bob Hoskins. I always enjoy watching him in movies. I only wish he could get more work.
• All the characters are Scottish … I have an odd fixation on Scottish and Irish accents. Makes me all giddy?
• Eden steals a brand new Bentley and embarks on a high speed car chase. Sweet … even if it should have easily smoked any of the rag-tag clunkers the Reaper City punks were driving.

(3 out of 5)

Nick:

A nasty virus rears its ugly head in Scotland, so the Brits build a big wall keeping infected folks trapped inside, while keeping every one else out. Years later, the virus pops up in merry old England, so it’s time to send a crack team of mercs beyond the wall and into treacherous Scotland to search for a cure. People die horrible, bloody deaths. Shit blows up real good. You know the drill.

Doomsday is, how do I put this…its parts are better than the whole. The first thirty/forty minutes or so work really well, and come close to reaching a John Carpenter-esque level of genre mastery. The Mad Max villains look great, and act convincingly batshit. The action is staged with a sure hand, leaning ever so slightly to the gratuitous side of things-

Ha, just kidding. The violence is completely gratuitous, a suicide being the only act given off-screen execution. This film gives you exploding rabbits, cannibalism, beheadings†¦so many beheadings. People get stomped, chopped, shot, blown up, run through with arrows. People smoke cigarettes, too, which must surely be the reason behind the “R† rating.

I don’t recall any hardcore sex, but there is some suggestive dancing and brief nudity. Oh, and there is a song by the Fine Young Cannibals featured early on that is the films best, and most successful, subversive moment.

The cinematography is kinetic, but you always get a good look at the action, you know what is happening and to who it is happening to. Everything is lit all purdy.

The movie – action aside – still feels flat, very derivative of John Carpenter’s ‘Escape From New York,’ and George Miller’s ‘Mad Max.’ That’s not entirely bad, mind you, especially if you like those particular films, but don’t expect any new ground to get covered here. Honestly, this feels more like an ‘Escape’ remake than it does an original film. If you don’t find yourself thinking of Carpenter at least three or four times during the course of this film, then you haven’t watched a film by Carpenter. Ever.

Maybe that’s my biggest problem with this film. It is such a genre pastiche that it doesn’t ever gel as its own thing. Too bad. It comes so close in the beginning. When the crazy mohawk people of Scotland are listening to Fine Young Cannibals, getting ready to party hard and eat a human being, you think, “Wow, this movie is a new kind of crazy.†

But then they go to Medieval Times – see the film and you’ll understand – and the movie starts to fall apart. Bad guys and good guys never get fleshed out, they just fight fight fight.

This film could have given young audiences a new Snake Plissken, but the filmmakers didn’t have the time. They were too busy referencing other films to develop their main characters.

So…

‘Doomsday’ is crazy intense, but it sure seems desperate, just like an act of cannibalism should.

(2 out of 5)

[rating: 2.5/5]