Review by Dane Marti

“Polly want a cracker?” This old phrase floated into my subconscious a few times while watching, ‘Polly,’ a low budget horror movie.

There are a number of elements within this film that make ‘Polly’ better than many other films of this genre. For instance, the structure is unique and laid-back. It has a detached documentary feel, especially during the first twenty minutes, which makes it seem like we’re looking at actual, true-crime images! These first images are striking and haunting. Some look very realistic.

Directed by Jason Hoover, the film makes good use of its low budget. Falling somewhere between: HENRY PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER, HOSTEL, SAW and other movies which, to me, often seem as much like snuff films as anything else, the film’s main character is a psychopath.  No surprise there, right? It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure this out. One look at his dumb visage and you can figure out that something isn’t copacetic in his old’ noggin.

Played with subtle menace by Brandon Williamson, the acting works well because we don’t expect the nut to play his role in a Shakespearean mode or like Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. He isn’t a great actor, but for this film, and the horror audience, he is good enough! The crazy monster here is so blandly normal, with a beefy, flabby body (it seems so many guys start to bloat up as they enter middle age.), that even when he goes on a handyman job in his neighborhood, the woman who needs his help would never fathom in a million years that the ‘nice guy’ is a very sick pervert. This scene is one of the best in the movie. It is subtle, stark and holds the viewers’ attention; something is definitely going to happen, right? I felt it was a well-filmed and suspenseful moment.

Although the start of the film shows a montage of still images of murder and torture, the bulk of the movie’s story details one woman—Polly—who is trapped and tortured in the basement. She is roped to a chair that resembles something out of a Gothic Horror film.

The film isn’t extraordinary, but there are definitely moments of suspense, with a cinematic attention to detail on the director’s part. For instance: Polly is trapped in the psycho’s basement, but unfortunately for her, the weirdo can have ‘fun’ with her whether he’s literally near her or not: Polly has a sharp hook cutting into the back of her head. A wire runs from the hook and up through the home’s floorboards, across the living room floor, finally winding up in the psycho’s hand while sits in a lounge chair, leisurely enjoying some television. Therefore, when he gently moves the position of his hand, it causes horrible pain for poor Polly downstairs– her distant screams can be heard in the background.

I hated the metal music playing in the background. Luckily, it was often in the background and didn’t overwhelm the movie. It felt cliché to me. It was as if the writer/director, the musicians and psycho were all one and the same person. It needed music that complimented and mimicked the inner workings the madman.

To me, the climactic moments of the film are predictable and life affirming, but after such a grim, cinematic character study, there needed to be a little ‘light’ in the basement. The final moments of the movie aren’t as terrifying when compared to what had gone on before. Plus, some of the acting seems a little forced, motivation for certain behaviors do not seem right. Other viewers might disagree with me. If the director had utilized more Hitchcockian camera placement, storyboarding and editing, there might have been more dynamic tension within the final moments of the film. It’s frustrating for me to write this since much of the movie definitely has clever camera placement and an eerie sense of foreboding, with sick menace right out of camera range.

POLLY is available from JABB Pictures

Visit their website HERE

http://www.jabbpictures.com/default.html

Review by Dane Marti

The post-apocalyptic film DYSTOPIA: 2013 is an honest, often exciting cinematic effort, with a story that takes place after a mysterious and life-changing cataclysm on earth – or at least the Midwest. Obviously an independent film, a viewer shouldn’t go into the film expecting earth-shattering visual effects or top of the line acting. To enjoy the film, one must accept it as it is. It’s low budget and fun. The viewer should use their imaginations. If you do these things, you will find the film to be a cool and entertaining trip.

The film is directed by Johnno Zee. He definitely has a vision, but due to budget restraints, much of the story must focus on the characters and not on special effects depicting a devastated world. The film is good when the characters are interacting, but less impressive when showing the horror of the world they now find themselves in.

As the film starts, a midwestern guy has a terrible day: He loses both his job and his wife. Can’t much worse than that, right? Wrong. He seems to be a stoic sort of guy, an okay kind of dude. After his depressing day comes to an end and he is going to bed, there is an off-camera explosion. He survives and the scene fades out. When we see him in the next scene, a certain amount of time has transpired since the big bang that changed the world and he is pushing a cart and looking for food and supplies. I think there should have been a larger transition between the off camera explosion and our hero pushing a cart around a landfill looking for anything to utilize in his survival. Basically, it is a subtle transition, but it also is slightly confusing. Perhaps this was part of the director’s vision.

Within a short time, he meets another guy, a kindred spirit, and another survivor hiding from mutant nomads like, presumably, our original character. This second man might have a dubious past, though. Throughout the rest of the film, these two characters will try to bond, but never completely trust each other: The tension between them brings a dynamic tension to the film, even if some of the dialogue between them seems forced and awkward.

Speaking of dialogue and acting, much of the dialogue in the entire film is hard-boiled and terse, making points in a very simplistic and blunt way – as you would expect from people who find themselves living through the aftermath of an Apocalypse. Unfortunately, the acting isn’t too professional, but don’t let that ruin the fun. As I said before, this is a B Movie, and in that spirit, the scenes in which the two new partners banter and argue in a neo- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid-type of way, are fun.

The overall direction, as well as the camera work is professional given the limitations in money and equipment. The editing could be tighter, but the films weakness is basically due to the screenplay and acting. The director and the cameraman have obviously seen a lot of these types of films. The scenes that show the passage of time are effective, and in keeping with the overall post apocalyptic storyline as seen in countless films. Although the film has moments of cliche, it also has enjoyable and fun scenes, including an elderly character that is always offering verbal commentary about their predicaments: Whether he quotes a famous author or a film quote, it is fun and/or poignant. I enjoyed this.

The story is nicely paced, although the end of the film (once the characters are taken prisoner by some masked freaks) seems to plod a little – it also shows the films low budget. There needed to be a more palpable threat to the characters. Semi-punk, semi-Road Warrior evil, mysterious characters appear on motorcycles and haunt our good guys. The editing, camera angles and pacing could have added more kinetic menace to these scenes. Filming the action in long shots, the viewer can tell that the cars and bikes are simply not driving very fast or very maliciously. It doesn’t scare or thrill.

I would have had the main characters walk through more unique and visually interesting landscapes. After awhile, they all tend to look very similar. And the visual effects that show the St. Louis Gateway Arch are okay, but the film could have benefited, given its subject and genre, with a few more establishing shots of a world that has been completely decimated and changed by the Apocalypse.

Some of the film reminded me of ROAD WARRIOR and LOGAN’S RUN.

Within the constraints of the budget, the climactic, “nightmarish” scenes within a factory are effective. We’ve seen scenes like this before, but it works within this movie, because, we still care about the main protagonists! Damn it, we want them to survive and not to end up strangled or tortured! Since the acting is serviceable, but not amazing or riveting throughout the film, this is quite an accomplishment: As an audience, we have looked past the things in the film that didn’t completely work and still care about the well being of the characters. To that extent, the film works and is an enjoyable little adventure.

Visit the DYSTOPIA: 2013 website HERE

http://countzeecom.ipage.com/2013.html

Review by Dane Marti

FANCYPANTS is a film that parents should watch with their kids. It would definitely open up new and beneficial conversations.

In the film, The Blue Lion, an over the hill wrestler, is about to be ‘put out to pasture’; times have changed. His name is Leo. He’s a good guy. He likes what he does, but outside the ring, he doesn’t like confrontation. Now, in order to enjoy this film, a viewer must accept that good will triumph over evil in life and that most people, flaws accepted, are okay as well.

As the film opens, the character is realizing, whether he likes it or not, that New Management would love for him to start losing games–intentionally. As film viewers, we’ve seen this situation throughout the history of cinema. Still, if it is used as a jumping-off point for the story, this can reap creative and original benefits. In this film, the promoters (and possibly the Mob behind them) have a new crop of young, mean, tall and lean performers ready to capture and throttle a new generation, performers such as ‘The Darkness.’ They do not screw around. The tough guys in the film are intentionally humorous.

For the good old Leo, time is running out literally and figuratively. His once-great years are now completely behind him and he most deal with one disappointment after another. Then, something miraculous happens: a little kid and his mother enter his life. The boy’s got a serious heart condition and his mom’s pretty – It all seems a little too cliche. Luckily the screenwriter and director, Joshua Russell has changed this typical formula and made it more original.

In doing this, the filmmakers have uncovered themes that any mother and father (possibly exasperated with their child’s interest in TV Wrestling) would find worthwhile: They might find common ground with their children, opening doors to more serious subjects that most parents would love to teach their children. It’s a good message.

I found the kid’s hero worship for the obese Lion to be both funny and touching. The kid is fine in his role. The actor portraying the old wrestler, Patrick Gleason, has modulated his performance nicely: Frankly, his performance could have ruined the entire film if he’d tried to go “crazy” obnoxious silly – the flick would have been un-watchable. Thank God, he held back, making his portrayal less zany, but a little more human and real. As the mother of the sick boy, actress Amy Hendricks is also quite good.

In many respects, the movie is satirical and broad, switching from out-and-out buffoonery to scenes of dead-serious drama. For me, this didn’t always work, but by the end of the film, everything ties together. Luckily for adults, there are humorous moments along the way. The films overall pacing would have been helped with some judicious film editing. This isn’t as terrible a criticism as many might think; even great films have been improved after much-needed editing!

Through the Blue Lion’s relationship with the ten year old and his mom, he recalls important values, values that were always within him, but were simply dormant and asleep, at least until the kid gave him the right push: The Lion realizes that there are things in life a little more important than show business and fans. There are more important things that just focusing on his own problems. He realizes that love, that much maligned word, can actually help inspire people to fight and survive.

Dealing with themes such as aging, violence, health insurance, and health, the film poignantly touches on subjects hard for some parents to discuss with their kids. In that respect, the fun silliness of FANCYPANTS hits the spot! Within the crazy satire and odd sequences, the film has a heart that beats passionately.

FANCYPANTS premieres February 10th on Comcast Nationwide and March 13th on Time Warner and all other cable and satellite providers.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN – PART 1 will be released on DVD & Blu-ray February 11th.

The first of a two-part adaptation, THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN - PART 1 is directed by Bill Condon (Dreamgirls, Gods and Monsters) from a screenplay by Melissa Rosenberg, based on the novel Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer. Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner star.

Summit Entertainment’s THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN-PART 2 will be in theaters November 16, 2012.

Visit the film’s official website: http://www.breakingdawn-themovie.com/

Follow the film on Twitter: @Twilight #BreakingDawn

“Like” it on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/twilight

Big kudos to the fine folks at MGM Limited Edition DVD-R! They’ve dug deep in the vaults for a true oddity in the world of cinema and television ( sitcoms, to be more precise ) ! I will tell anyone who asks that my absolute favorite TV situation comedy of all time is that early sixties gem ” The Dick Van Dyke Show” ( desert island, only one TV comedy, no hesitation! ). Well one of the few people with even more admiration and affection for this bit of comic perfection is comedy writer and pop culture master Mark Evanier. One of the sites I’ve bookmarked ( and if you love entertainment  you should too ) is his website/ blog newsfromme.com . In 2007 he alerted his readers to DON”T WORRY WE’LL THINK OF A TITLE was airing on the Turner Classic Movie cable channel. He had seen it with his family while they were vacationing in Pismo Beach in 1966. It was playing on a double bill with WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE WAR, DADDY? He says that unlike that film, TITLE  did not have a professional studio printed poster, but was promoted with a hand lettered sign! That should’ve been a clue to the film’s quality.

This is quite an oddity. I was shocked that Morey Amsterdam and Rose Marie had made a feature film toward the end of their time as Buddy Sorrel and Sally Rogers, and I had not heard of it. Well, it’s probably because it’s a tough slog to sit through. What little plot the film has concerns a group of Eastern European spies ( one of those made up, cold war spots ) who believe that Morey’s character is a defecting astronut. The film was shot in 1965 near the end of the Van Dyke series, and dates itself not only with the spy antics, but with a scene set at a college beatnik ( ! ) party. It begins with a caricature of Amsterdam ( maybe drawn by the multi-talented Dick Van Dyke? ) as part of the logo for Courageous Cal Productions ( ? ).The film has the flat look of a one camera sitcom of the era ( the end title says it was shot on the legendary Desilu Studios ) and even employs that wacky sped-up effect that many shows used to balance out some the old, groaner jokes in the script from co-producer/star Amsterdam. The film’s main interest is as a time capsule of TV comics of that era. Morey must have called on many of his pals to stop by for quick cameos, and it’s amazing who he got to show up. We get to see Van Dyke co-stars Richard Deacon ( in a double role as a diner owner and policeman ) and Carl Reiner along with Forrest Tucker, Moe Howard ( solo, sans stooges! ), Cliff Arquette ( as Charley Weaver ), Nick Adams, Milton Berle, Steve Allen, and Irene Ryan ( in her Granny outfit and driving the Clampett truck ). Comic actor Henry Corden ( who soon took over as voice of Fred Flintstone ) shows up as a clumsy spy and an actress named January ( ! ) Jones ( not the “Mad Men ” actress, but perhaps a relative? ) plays Morey and Rose’s diner waitress pal who inherits a bookstore.

The DVD-R is bare bones. Not even a trailer ( was one made?). I was hoping for either a commentary track with the still active Rose Marie, but Evanier reports that she has no fondness for this big screen misfire. Picure and sound quality is sharp and crisp. It’s not a cinema treasure, but if you’re an affeciando of sixties TV ( and of the Van Dyke show ) then you’ll want to add this to your DVD library.

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES took a lot of movie geeks (including myself) by surprise this past summer. The film’s marketing and promotion were low-key and, especially after Tim Burton’s despised ’02 remake, expectations were in the gutter. The end result though was a surprisingly entertaining sci-fi thriller, both exciting and genuinely moving, thanks to a strong script, flawless special effects work and a typically terrific motion-capture performance from Andy Serkis as Caesar. It’s not difficult to notice that the apes were created with the help of a computer but the emotion they show and how their relationships advance during the movie is impressive. Now the film is available on DVD and Blu-Ray. I was only given the DVD to review the extras on and it’s a good example of how studios are short-changing their DVD releases in terms of extras in the hopes of pushing people towards buying the Blu-ray. For example, the Blu-Ray of RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES contains 17 deleted scenes. The DVD has exactly two. One, “Caesar Pushes Helicopter”, is simply the scene where Caesar kills the villainous David Oyelowo by pushing his crashed helicopter off the Golden Gate Bridge, but the CGI ape in this ‘deleted scene’ is not fully rendered. The other, “Koba with Shotgun”, shows the ape Koba strolling through the forest and, well, picking up a shotgun! While the Blu-Ray has the documentaries “New Generation of Apes”, “Breaking Motion Capture Boundaries”, “Breaking New Sound Barriers: The Music and Sound Design of Rise of the Planet of the Apes”, “Capturing Caesar- Script to Screen”, “Mythology of the Apes” and “The Genius of Andy Serkis”, the DVD has only the final two. “Mythology of the Apes” is seven minutes of various cast and crew members talking about how much they enjoyed the original Planet of the Apes films over clips from the old movies and the new one. “The Genius of Andy Serkis” is better. Footage of Serkis being filmed in his motion capture suit is played alongside a split-screen of the final scenes.It really makes you appreciate the way Serkis breathes like an ape, walks like an ape, and acts like an ape. The actor is absolutely amazing in RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES and deserves some kind of award for what he does here (and in KING KONG and the LOTR movies). The Blu-Ray contains two separate audio commentaries: one by Director Rupert Wyatt and another by Writers Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver. The DVD contains neither but it does contain the three theatrical trailers. The DVD’s 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer offers strong blacks, vivid detail, and solid depth, but the detailed work of the folks at WETA Digital really needs to be seen in hi-def to be appreciated, so if you have not upgraded to Blu-Ray, here’s your excuse.

A low-budget exercise in depravity and broken lives, ALL GOD’S CREATURES tells the story of an ordinary serial killer with the ordinary name of Jon Smith (played by Josh Folan who cowrote the ordinary screenplay). A barista at a corner Starbucksish shop by day, Jon spends his evenings trolling for hookers and other loose women to lure back to his apartment to murder and collect their body parts as sicko souvenirs. The story eventually settles in on Jon’s relationship with a distressed Craig’s List hooker named Delia (Jessica Kaye) who’s just left an abusive boyfriend and has plenty of nasty baggage of her own.

ALL GOD’S CREATURES strikes an uneasy balance between sinister suspense and hipsterish irony. Co-directors Ryan Cummings and Frank Licata are gifted enough to combine elements of schlock and exploitation fare with an arthouse sensibility, but ALL GOD’S CREATURES suffers from a tired script that never breaks any new ground. ALL GOD’S CREATURES balances standard slasher flick thrills with a glimpse into the mind of a killer, but it misses a major opportunity to be truly revelatory about his psyche. Self-reflective voiceovers about his admiration for the accomplishments of Ted Bundy may have seemed clever a decade or so ago but now comes off as tiresome. The audience is mostly kept busy worrying whether or not the intended victims can escape and the film’s potential outcomes dwindle down to two possibilities – will she get away or won’t she? Plenty of films have gotten a lot of mileage from that dilemma, but since this one promises more depth than that, the simplification is disappointing. It’s all pretty cut-and-dry and splatter/exploitation fans will be unsatisfied as the killings are relatively mild and the nudity infrequent.

In all, I found ALL GOD’S CREATURES to be a competent and earnestly-made missed opportunity, lacking the very sort of passion or recklessness that made something like HENRY PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER the classic it is. Technically top-notch, the pacing is even, and the scenes flow and build on each other professionally. Clearly hidden beneath a spotty debut is a pair of filmmakers with depth of vision and a knack for realism. The setting of sleazy New York City surroundings makes for an edgy atmosphere, the camerawork is coherent and there are some halfway dynamic shots, but the lack of originality results in a shapeless collection of commercial elements disguised as an art film. Take out the killings, and you’re left with an anguished stab at urban ennui. Cast with New York City-based actors, some with soap opera pedigrees, ALL GOD’S CREATURES features at least one performance that transcends the mediocre material. Thanks to a winning, natural turn from Jessica Kaye, there is some actual chemistry between Jon and Delia. She is good actress with a natural beauty that can withstand the many close-ups and I hope to see her in more films. Josh Folan is less successful in his characterization, just creepy when he should be mesmerizing, spouting platitudes instead of nuance, Jon’s a dim Patrick Bateman who doesn’t seem clever enough to get away with all of these homicides. The rest of the cast is comprised of various victims set up for the kill.

ALL GOD’S CREATURES was made for very little, is never dull and it’s always good to see enthusiastic young filmmakers doing their jobs well. As directors, Cummings and Licata show an impressive amount of range as their film straddles multiple genres, taking in drama, revenge, and horror, without ever feeling overloaded or uneven. They’re never in a rush to get to the next scene, often happy to leave the camera rolling on apparently lesser moments that offer small but important insights into the characters. If next time they can just tackle a more compelling script, I’ll look forward to their future films.

DVDs of ALL GOD’S CREATURES are for sale on the website HERE and the film is streaming on IndieFlix.

(http://www.allgodscreaturesfilm.com/)

Joe Don Baker was marketed as a martial arts star in the 1974 actioner GOLDEN NEEDLES, a movie I saw at the Des Peres 4 Cinema back when it was  new and haven’t been able to track down since. It had never been released on VHS or DVD so I was psyched to see it’s now out as part of the “MGM Limited Edition” DVD-R series . Before starring in the hit WALKING TALL in 1973, Baker had bounced around Hollywood mostly doing TV work . After Kris Kristofferson turned down the role of Buford Pusser, producers offered the role to Baker who had made an impression as Steve McQueen’s younger brother in Sam Peckinpah’s JUNIOR BONNER in 1972.WALKING TALL, a true tale about a Tennessee sheriff confronting corruption and gangsters with a large wooden club and a mean attitude, was a surprise success and Baker was soon starring in a string of medium-budget action films (Bo Svenson would go on to play Pusser in the WALKING TALL sequels and TV show). The first was GOLDEN NEEDLES directed by Robert Clouse, who had successfully blended Chinese cinema conventions into the American action formula with the smash hit ENTER THE DRAGON in 1973.That film’s star, Bruce Lee, died just as the film was released so Raymond Chow, head of Hong Kong’s Golden Harvest Productions went looking for a new action star and set his sights on Joe Don Baker, who was pretty much the opposite of Bruce Lee in every way. Lee was not only the greatest icon of martial arts in cinema history, but a key figure in modern popular culture. Baker, from Texas, was 9 inches taller than Lee, a big, wide bear of a man completely lacking in karate skills, but off to China he was sent to star in GOLDEN NEEDLES, which was marketed as a sort of martial arts/American action hybrid, which is exactly what it is. Baker starred as Dan, an American adventurer living in Hong Kong, who is hired by Elizabeth Ashley to track down a priceless statuette that contains seven golden acupuncture needles. If these are stuck in a man, in the same pattern as marked on the idol, he’ll become a super sexual stud and, less importantly, gain immortality in the process, Dan gets mixed up with others intent on getting their hands on the statue including Hong Kong gangsters, Chinese government agents, and an eccentric American millionaire (Burgess Meredith).

It was weird seeing GOLDEN NEEDLES again after a 37-year gap but it’s pretty much how I remembered it; cheesy yet incredibly entertaining in a garish, ’70s kind of way. The film opens with a wealthy Chinese mobster getting the sexual invigorating needle treatment before three men in foil suits barge in with flame throwers, incinerating everyone in sight before making off with the statuette. I’m not sure if this was the most efficient way of absconding with the idol, but it made for a shocking opening that this then-13-year-old never forgot. Baker’s fight scenes usually begin with him making some half-hearted karate stand and then just throwing punches brawler-style, which he does quite well. I don’t know whether Baker attempted to learn any martial arts but these scenes are actually quite rough and tumble and he’s great. Baker was a tough and vigorous ass-kicker in the Charles Bronson mold and he’s easier to take in this film than I expected. Jim Kelly, a black martial arts star who had been featured in ENTER THE DRAGON, shows up with a cool afro about halfway through and does one karate scene (the end credits claim “Jim Kelly’s Fight Sequence Choreographed By Himself”), but he’s unfortunately underused. Meredith has a lot of fun with his role and Ann Sothern even shows up for some abuse as a Hong Kong madam. The best thing about GOLDEN NEEDLES, and an element I did not appreciate in 1974, is the location filming in some of the more non-touristy parts of Hong Kong. It lends the film a lot of cool atmosphere and seedy local color and the climax, an extended chase scene through a ratty boatyard, is exciting and unique. The film is well-paced by director Clouse and has a nice, driving Lalo Schifrin score. It was produced by American International yet was never released on video during the heyday of VHS in the ’80s, otherwise it would no doubt have some cult status today. The new “MGM Limited Edition” DVD of GOLDEN NEEDLES is widescreen, remastered, and looks absolutely fantastic. The cover of the DVD is odd though in that Joe Don Baker isn’t even pictured. Instead, we get a shot of Burgess Meredith and one of his henchmen. I’m not sure if MGM was afraid people had forgotten that Baker was a ’70s action star or what, but it’s an odd omission. FRAMED, MITCHELL (both 1975), and SPEEDTRAP (1977) were some of the other action films that Joe Don Baker starred in in the ’70s, but GOLDEN NEEDLES remains the best and the most unusual. Congrats to the folks at MGM for dusting off this memorable relic that deserves to find a new audience.

Ladies, BRIDESMAIDS is a must see! Grab your girls, BRIDESMAIDS on DVD, and a bottle of wine, because this film is a girls night MUST! Guys, this isn’t just a chick flick!

Annie (Kristen Wiig) is s fun chick that doesn’t really have a lot going for her. Her bakery closed, her boyfriend broke up with her, and she is pretty much broke. Oh, did I mention that she is sleeping with a total asshole named Ted (Jon Hamm) too! The one thing that she does have going for her is best friend since childhood, Lillian (Maya Rudolph). Things really start to go downhill after Lillian asks Annie to be her maid of honor. Clashes with another bridesmaid, a crazy bachelorette party and an incredibly adorable cop are all about to be thrown Annie’s way!

Judd Apatow really outdid himself with this film. I was laughing the entire time. The conversations between Annie and Lillian could easily be a separate movie. Their conversations are raunchy, dirty, and any other word that you can think of for that kind of fun filled language! I do like how they portrayed the character of Annie. In this day and age, it is so easy to see people just settle. They blame their crappy lives on others instead of fighting to change them. That is exactly what Annie does. She accepts her crappy job, car, and booty call… and when something good comes along she runs from it. It sends a nice, understated message behind all of the laughs. Plus, Kristen Wiig is funny, so the message goes down with a spoon full of sugar. The ridiculous bunch of women that they cast for the bridal party only heighten the laughs! Rose Byrne, Wendi McLendon-Covey and Ellie Kemper are all outstanding! Each one of their characters are so vastly different that you never know what is going to happen next. The icing on the bridal party cake is by far Melissa McCarthy. She is phenomenal! Her comedic delivery had me crying with laughter!

Now, for all you boys out there, I will warn you… These ladies talk about some pretty nasty stuff. Then again, I’m desensitized to it since I have a mouth like a sailor. Still, it’s really funny. Just know that their will be some penis jokes at your expense. The main reason that the film got the R rating was based off of the dialogue… well that and the overall sexual content! Needless to say, don’t bring your kids to this!

You don’t have to just look forward to the movie though, the bonus features are well worth the purchase of this movie! Although, the one thing that was kind of a letdown was that the Blu-Ray has almost triple the amount of bonus features, which is why I say that you might want to grab it on Blu-Ray instead. The lack of behind the scenes footage on the DVD is a let down. Still, the bonus features on the DVD are funny!

The picture isn’ t the most mind blowing, but this is a comedy. I don’t think anyone is looking for insane effects and visuals while watching this Theatrical 2.35:1 – Anamorphic Widescreen 2.40:1 video. Same with the audio. The audio is consistent and clear, just nothing over the top. The audio is presented in English Dolby Digital 5.1/DVS Dolby Digital 2.0, and Spanish and French Audio Dolby Digital 5.1.

DVD Bonus Features Include:

• FEATURE COMMENTARY: With director Paul Feig, co-writer Annie Mumolo and cast members Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Melissa McCarthy, Wendi McClendon-Covey, and Ellie Kemper. With this cast, the commentary is rather entertaining. If you are looking for technical talk, you won’t find it here. Instead, they reminisce about moments on set and share personal stories. They tend to talk over each other a bit, but it’s still entertaining.
• GAG REEL: Definitely one of the better gag reels out there. They really put some funny footage in here.
• LINE-O-RAMA: Another AWESOME feature. This feature shows the ladies delivering a different line with each take… and let me tell you, there are a ton of funny ones that they could have used. It gets vulgar, but that’s part of the fun!
• DELETED SCENES: The deleted scenes that they included are hilarious to watch, such as one with Paul Rudd, that was completely cut out. The scenes don’t really add to the film, hence they were cut. Still, they are a real treat to watch!
• EXTENDED AND ALTERNATIVE SCENES: Again, funny scenes to watch, but they would have slowed the pace of the film.
• CHOLODECKI’S COMMERCIAL: Check out what’s new with Cholodecki’s with this never-before-seen “commercial” from Annie’s jewelry employer. This is a fun little bonus that stars Michael Hitchcock.
• UNRATED VERSION: There is nothing really special about the unrated version. All of the added material can be found in the above features, and doesn’t really add to the film. You are much better off sticking with the theatrical version.

So, if you are going to buy this film, which I recommend… spring for the Blu-Ray copy. It has the above listed humor, as well as some behind the scenes footage, a full performance of “HOLD ON”, and a feature based on Kristen Wigg’s greatest drunk plane moments!

OVERALL DVD RATING: 3.75 out of 5 stars

MOVIE RATING: 5 out of 5 stars

The 1961 fantasy adventure MASTER OF THE WORLD starring Vincent Price and Charles Bronson is finally available on DVD as part of MGM’s ‘Limited Edition Collection’. Though not considered to be a great film, it’s one I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for, mostly because of the cast (those are my two favorite actors) and its frequent television airings decades ago. I’ve been showing an 8-minute cut on Super-8 sound film of MASTER OF THE WORLD at my Super-8 Vincent Price Movie Madness show that I’ve presented several times promoting Vincentennial and younger audiences seemed to really enjoy discovering this film even in the abridged version. MASTER OF THE WORLD was produced by American International to not only create their first prestigious epic color adventure but to cash in on the wave of adaptions of Jules Verne novels that were so successful at the time. Disney’s first feature length live-action film, 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA in 1954, was the best known and the first Jules Verne film (unless you count George Melies’ A TRIP TO THE MOON in 1902 – loosely based on a Verne story and filmed when the author was still alive!). Others included AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS (which won the Oscar for best picture in 1956), JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH (1959) and MYSTERIOUS ISLAND (1961).

The plot of MASTER OF THE WORLD is similar to 20,000 LEAGUES but instead of a submarine, it takes place aboard an enormous invincible flying warship called The Albatross. The ship is something to behold and AIP’s special effects crew did a fine job of designing the elaborate aircraft remarkably close to the way Verne described it. It’s sort of a cross between a zeppelin and a flying steamship with lots of propellers, trap doors, rockets, and other fun details. Set in the 1860′s, Price plays Robur an inventor and philosopher who flies the Albatross around the world declaring war on war, bombarding military targets in the name of humanity. The ship causes a disturbance over Pennsylvania so millionaire munitions manufacturer Mr. Prudent (Henry Hull) manages to use a hot air balloon to board the Albatross accompanied by his daughter (Mary Webster), her fiance (David Frankham), and Department of Interior geologist John Strock (Bronson). Robur’s guests soon see that he is serious about destroying the world to rid it of evil when he demonstrates his power by bombong an American battleship. When Robur begins destroying parts of Europe, it’s up to Strock to stop him and save the world.

Richard Matheson, who wrote scripts for six Vincent Price films (a seventh, THE LAST MAN ON EARTH was based on his novel I Am Legend) adapted two of Jules Verne’s lesser-known novels Clipper of the Clouds (aka: Robur the Conqueror) and its sequel Master of the World. Director William Witney, who had helmed many Republic serials in the 1940′s, was hired to make the best of the film’s low budget and his innovation shows. He uses a lot of rear-screen projection and miniature tricks to make the most of what he had to work with. Stock footage from other films including Laurence Olivier’s HENRY V was incorporated into the battle scenes and MASTER OF THE WORLD does look like a much more expensive film than it was. In MASTER OF THE WORLD we essentially get to see how Vincent Price would have played Captain Nemo and Jules Verne’s anti-war philosophy is captured in several speeches by Price about the futility of war. Price, while certainly not low-key, is quite intense in this role, squinting beneath some oddly bushy fake eyebrows. It’s interesting to watch Price and Bronson, with their opposite acting styles, play off of each other. The two had co-starred together 8 years earlier in HOUSE OF WAX and had gotten along well but Bronson was unfriendly to Price on the set of MASTER OF THE WORLD. This was a point in his career when his TV show Man With a Camera, had just ended, he was turning 40, and, though he’d just scored a decent role as one of THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN, probably thought stardom had eluded him. He was miserable on the set and looked ridiculous in a top hat and later a silly blue and white striped sailor’s shirt. Interviewed for book The Complete Films of Vincent Price by Lucy C. Williams, Price said of Bronson “He was miscast and knew it. He was very unhappy. Testy is more the word. I could not get through to the guy or make friends with him. I guess Bronson’s always been that way. Very strange…..”. It would be more than a decade later, when he was in his 50′s, that Bronson would be king of the world-wide box-office.

MASTER OF THE WORLD received middling reviews in 1961 but performed well enough that a sequel was soon in the works. Concept drawings and models were made but for some reason, the plug was suddenly pulled. There’s so much to like about the film. AIP’s in-house music director Les Baxter’s provided a rousing score (released as an LP) and the poster art for the film is spectacular, one of my favorites from the early ’60s (an original one-sheet was displayed at the Vincentennial, the Legacy of Vincent Price exhibit in St. Louis in May). The ubiquitous Dell Comic Book adaption is a fun read and I recently corresponded with an artist named William Wardrop who creates intricate hand-made scale replicas of vintage military ships and he made a spectacular cardboard model of The Albatross (see pic – his other works can be found at his website HERE ) MASTER OF THE WORLD was a staple on TV in the ’60s and ’70s but I had never seen it in widescreen until now (though it was available on laserdisc). MGM’s new disc opens with the disclaimer that it was made with the “best elements available”. This is often a bad sign but I’m pleased to report this colorful film looks and sounds splendid and watching this disc from MGM’s “Limited Edition Collection” is like seeing MASTER OF THE WORLD for the first time.

Lobby cards from MASTER OF THE WORLD

Foreign re-issue posters. Notice how they play up the presence of co-star Charles Bronson

The soundtrack LP and the Dell comic book adaption

Hand-made cardboard model of the Albatross by artist William Wardrop

.

Drug dealers, serial killers, Satan worshippers and immortal Nazis are some of the ingredients of the bloody stew that is RATLINE, a tough, well-made shocker from St. Louis-based regional filmmaker Eric Stanze. RATLINE is not a “boo!” sort of horror flick. It’s not about stalkers in dark corners or monsters under the bed. It’s about the evil that men often do, if not necessarily in real life, then certainly within really nasty horror flicks like RATLINE. It;s an angry, humorless film filled with sex and gore, but writer/director Stanze is not one of these independent filmmakers who;s simply in love with his own nihilism. He’s working from his own smart script that attempts to say something important about the murderous energies at loose in society. RATLINE is not without flaws, but it’s an aggressively low budget piece of horror weirdness that defies expectations and is remarkably accomplished.

A ratline is a wartime term describing a system of escape routes for Nazis and RATLINE takes a long time getting to that definition. The film opens with the aftermath of a drug deal gone sour with bad blonde sisters Crystal and Kim (Emily Haack and Alex Del Monacco ) on the run from a pile of corpses with a pile of cash. They hide out in in Hermann, Missouri where they are taken in by their innocent, naive friend Penny (Sarah Wofford). A parallel plot briefly seems to follow a Satan-worshipping couple on the prowl for a human sacrifice. The two abduct a mysterious drifter named Frank (Jason Christ) who quickly and bloodily dispatches the pair in a scene featuring the first of the film;s several decapitations. Frank arrives in Hermann where he confronts Penny’s uncle about a Nazi flag in the old man’s possession that has superhuman powers. It turns out Frank is actually a Nazi villain who has stopped aging and is looking to reactivate an evil experiment left over from the waning days of the Third Reich.

RATLINE is a powerful narrative, told so directly and strongly that an audience mostly in the mood for a good old exploitation film may be rocked back on its psychic heels. It begins with a bang then lets the story and the mystery build at a deliberate pace while the direction never lets us out from under real dramatic tension. It takes its time getting to where it needs to go but Stanze has a good ear for dialogue and nuance. And there is evil in this movie. RATLINE makes great location work in the Missouri town of Hermann. It’s a charming and vibrant historic town, where tourists descend on its wineries, especially in the Fall (when it appears that RATLINE was shot there), but Stanze makes it look ruinous and malevolent. Especially effective is his use of an enormous background graveyard. The location doesn’t play into the plot but it shades the tranquil burg as a creepy corner of the earth, a metaphor for the surface and buried lives of the town. Stanze smartly bypasses his low budget by illustrating the Nazi back story in the form of an unearthed 16mm ‘educational’ film and it’s in this extended sequence that RATLINE best transcends its low budget. The scratchy, splicy B&W footage of gruesome experiments, atrocities and magic is as horrifying as the deepest level of hell and is reminiscent of the similarly demented Nazi flashback sequence in Jack Curtis’ 1964 cult item THE FLESH EATERS.

The acting in RATLINE is unmannered and natural, I guess. There’s no posturing but for a film whose success lies in the potency of its characterizations, its most distracting negative aspect is the casting of Jason Christ as Frank. His slow burn works better in the first half before his roots as a Nazi are revealed but Christ resembles a corn-fed beer-drinking Midwest boy and therefore makes an unconvincing Nazi. Gus Stephenson, who shows up in the archival footage as the mastermind behind the Nazi experiment looks the part and might have been a better Frank. Emily Haack portrays Crystal as if she’s the victim of an unnamed tragedy, a severely damaged, foul-mouthed slattern, determined to survive but in over her head. The rest of the cast does solid work in a film that feels oddly underpopulated. The look of RATLINE is ultra low-budget – some of the lighting is flat and the camera work could be cleaner, but Stanze is clever with his editing without getting carried away and the shoestring production values can’t compromise the mature script or the story’s professional structure. RATLINE is demented madness and highly recommended.

Forget TRANSFORMERS! The ultimate retro giant battling robot movie was Stuart Gordon’s ROBOT JOX (1990 aka ROBOJOX) filmed in Italy with old-school stop motion giant robot battles shot here in the U.S. These rock-em-sock-em style behemoths complete with flamethrowers, lasers, giant rope-saws, and rocket propelled boxing gloves were crude, but their crunching and bashing were a sight to behold in the days before CGI. It was a fairly expensive movie from producer Charles Band’s Empire Productions (which churned out gems like RE-Gordon’s RE-ANIMATOR and the original TROLL) but was poorly marketed and was said to have bankrupted the studio. ROBOJOX, though poorly written and acted, was a lot of fun when I saw it at the theater over 20 years ago, a sort of live-action mecha anime, and it is available in a nice full-screen DVD on the MGM label.

For roughly the same price as a ticket to TRANSFORMERS 3 you can now buy Shout Factory’s new DVD release of more early-90′s giant robot goodness, a double feature disc cleverly called GIANT ROBOT ACTION PACK which features two cheap straight-to-video C-grade action films; CRASH AND BURN and ROBOT WARS. While not direct sequels to ROBOT JOX (though ROBOT WARS had ROBOT JOX 2 as an alternate title), both films are certainly knockoffs in the same vein from the same producers and even feature sequences lifted from the earlier film. CRASH AND BURN was made in 1992 and directed by Charles Band, by then head of Full Moon Productions. In CRASH AND BURN Big Brother has come to life in the form of Unicom, an all-powerful conglomerate that emerged in the wake of a devastating global economic collapse. A group of dissenters has surfaced to fight Unicom’s autocracy and stop the murderous Synthoid a humanlike robot programmed to kill all those who pose a threat to the organization. Paul Ganus, Megan Ward, Bill Moseley and Ralph Waite comprise the fun human cast but the film’s lack of budget is apparent. The giant robot battle is saved for the ending and it appears to be an outtake from ROBOT JOX.

Better is the second film on the disc ROBOT WARS (1993), at least if you’re looking for more loud clanging giant robots duking it out. When a malicious foreign dignitary hijacks the last mega-robot on Earth, the MRAS-2, and threatens to unleash its crushing powers against the people of the Eastern Alliance. There’s only one force magnificent enough to stop the MRAS-2: a MEGA-1 robot hidden under the city. It’s up to a renegade pilot, his engineer and a brilliant archaeologist to revive the MEGA-1 and reestablish world peace. Don Michael Paul, Barbara Crampton and Lisa Rinna star along with some nifty new robots including a giant spider type similar to a CGI one found in WILD WILD WEST a decade later, and some rehashed effects lifted directly from ROBOT JOX.

CRASH AND BURN and ROBOT WARS provide non-stop lousy acting, crappy dialog, cheap sets, and one-dimensional characters but what would you expect from a DVD called Giant Robot Action Pack? Unfortunately both titles on Shout Factory’s DVD presentation are sub-par with faded and dull full-frame transfers and poor sound. But they do deliver giant fighting robots.

I’ve always had a soft spot for CURSE OF THE FACELESS MAN (1958) because it’s one of the very first monster movies I can remember ever seeing. It played on TV a lot when I was a kid in the late 60′s but sort of disappeared from the Creature Feature rotation at some point long ago and was never released on VHS or DVD. I never saw it again….until now! It’s just been put out on MGM’s Limited Edition Collection and watching it transported me back over 40 years and the movie is exactly how I remembered it except for one thing…. It’s not scary! But that’s okay because CURSE OF THE FACELESS MAN is still a lot of fun. The Faceless Man of the title is actually a fella named Quintillus Aurelius, petrified and stone-encrusted since he’s just been discovered at an archaeological dig in the ruins of Pompeii where he’s been buried since 79 AD when he was trapped in lava after the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. After killing a truck driver, Mr. Faceless is laid out in an Italian museum where an old archaeologist (Luis Van Rooten) believes he has some life in him thanks to radiation it shared in the earth (!). American medical researcher Paul Mallon (Richard Anderson, best known as Oscar Goldman on The 6 Million Dollar Man and Bionic Woman TV shows in the 70′s) isn’t buying it until it comes to life after determining his fiancee is his long lost love.

CURSE OF THE FACELESS MAN is basically a Mummy movie with some stock footage from 1935′s LAST DAYS OF POMPEII thrown in. Actually, it’s less scary (and moves slower) than the Mummy, but the movie itself flies by at a brisk 66 minutes and has a great, ridiculously bombastic score as well as some stylish, shadowy B&W photography that calls to mind the Universal Golden Age horrors and it looks great on MGM’s Limited Edition disk. The plot is predictable cheese but CURSE OF THE FACELESS MAN is a fun B-movie and a big thanks to the folks at MGM for making it possible for me to see it again after all these years.

A werewolf comedy? LIVING ARRANGEMENTS is not the first (CURSE OF THE QUEERWOLF comes to mind and of course there were those wacky TEEN WOLF movies in the 80′s), but this endearing micro-budget indie from director Sam Thompson is more a subtle satire about hippie culture and vegan lifestyle than a horror comedy. It’s not laugh-out-loud funny and it’s never scary but it’s a very clever film that works on many levels. Bohemian newlyweds Sasha and Billie find a vacant and available new apartment near their favorite coffee shops and thrift stores. Life is good until they realize there’s a hungry werewolf living in the attic. Their attitude about this discovery is matter-of-fact but coping with the uninvited roommate challenges their vegan values and animal rights activism. The beast rejects their meals of tofu and bean sprouts and the flag-waving liberal couple fret when they are forced to buy him meat (they consider acquiring ‘free range meat’ and are most concerned about the creature’s well-being). Their hippie friends shun them when they’re caught buying meat at the grocery store and when they run out of funds, they turn at first to road kill, but the werewolf eventually develops a taste for obnoxious peaceniks.

This premise of LIVING ARRANGEMENTS is very original and the film has immense potential, but thanks to the micro budget involved, some of that potential isn’t fulfilled. The look of LIVING ARRANGEMENTS is ultra low-budget – some of the lighting is flat and the camera work could be cleaner. The toothy beast is shown too early and it would have been better had it been kept more in the shadows. It’s not a particularly good make-up creation, more dog-like than scary (resembling most the werewolf from the 1969 Rowan and Martin comedy THE MALTESE BIPPY), but LIVING ARRANGEMENTS is more low-key lampoon and not intended to generate scares.

Despite flaws inherent to most no-budget films, there is a whole lot to like about LIVING ARRANGEMENTS. Director Sam Thompson is clever with his editing without getting carried away and the shoestring production values can’t compromise Tucker Dryden’s clever script or the story’s professional structure. The film’s style is a bit derivative and its reserved humor tends to wax and wane, but the film is nonetheless reasonably playful and charming, and benefits immensely from sterling performances by its two leads. A deadpan Joe Doreen is pitch-perfect as hang-dog slacker Sasha who vomits when he has to handle raw meat (though considering he plays the proprietor of the ‘Cinema Revolution’ video store, I was expecting more film references in the script.) It was refreshing and nice to see a chubby actress, Alexandra Glad, in this type of lead role as Billie (I like that the lead characters names are gender-switched). Ms Glad is a good actress, a likeable presence, and I hope to see her in more films. Paul Cram is appropriately creepy as the gay animal rights guru Collin who presides over their ‘Animals are People Too’ meetings and writer Tucker Dryden scores as their judgmental poet friend Freedom. Mark Borchardt (an inexplicable cult figure thanks to the 1999 documentary AMERICAN MOVIE), the one recognizable member of the cast, shows up to mumble through a couple of scenes but is actually quite bad. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS is never dull and achieves its goal of entertaining an audience and showing enthusiastic young low-budget filmmakers doing their jobs well. I look forward to more films from director Sam Thompson and writer Tucker Dryden.

Last November I dedicated my ‘Not Available on DVD’ column to the “infamously harebrained but entertaining-as-hell” 1978 Italian STAR WARS knockoff STARCRASH. It was released on the Orion VHS label in the mid-80′s (and on a cheap label under the title FEMALE SPACE INVADER) but had yet to appear as a domestic DVD release. At the time I wrote “Leave it to the wacky Italians, always quick to exploit a popular trend, to rip off George Lucas’s cash cow resulting in a film so spectacularly cheesy that over 30 years later it has actually aged better than the film it emulates.”ť (read the entire column HERE) I wrote this half in jest as a way to tweak my Star Wars-worshipping friends, but after watching the new Blu-Ray release from Shout! Factory, I’m starting to think I may have been on to something after all.

Shout Factory has done absolute wonders with their recent of STARCRASH in terms of transfers and extras. I saw the film many times at the Drive-in in the late 70′s so this glorious high-def transfer is by far the best presentation I have seen and probably the best it has ever looked. Considering how many shots were created using multiple exposures, the image looks incredible and the colors vibrant, even during the stop-motion sequences and the primitive video effects. The extras on this two-disc release are pretty amazing for such a long-maligned film. The feature film sports two commentaries, both featuring STARCRASH ‘authority’ Stephen Romano solo. These play as both fan and film historian commentaries and though I’m not sure that STARCRASH is a film that deserves two such commentaries, Romano is clearly the guy to do it. He’s simply full of so much information about his favorite movie, he needs to do it twice! Romano is absolutely in love with this film and talks at length about its following and its influences as well as incredible details about the making of the film and background trivia. He covers just about any aspect of the production you can imagine and manages not to overlap information between the two tracks. Romano’s serious and earnest devotion to the film is clear and he really does make the case, in a reasonable and intelligent manner, that STARCRASH is far more than the junky rip-off it’s always been regarded as.

The STARCRASH Blu-ray contains a second disc comprised of six hours supplementary materials including an extended interview (71 minutes!) with still-stunning star Caroline Munro who discusses her role as Stella Star as well as her overall career. The sound and picture quality of this interview is poor and it seems a bit rushed (and her name is misspelled in the intro!) but I liked hearing what Ms Munro had to say. There’s a 42 minute interview with director Luigi Cozzi who discusses his early love for sci-fi, how he got into the film business, and how he came to direct STARCRASH. (he claims to have never seen STAR WARS!). There’s also 17 deleted scenes, the original screenplay, a behind the scenes reel complete with commentary track, a trailer with commentary by Eli Roth, and a feature which looks at the special effects of the film. As if all that wasn’t enough, there is even a 12 page booklet containing Stephen Romano’s distilled thoughts on the film (I think if Shout! Factory had offered Romano 112 pages, he’d have filled those up) and a reversible cover.

In my ‘Not Available’ column I wrote “STARCRASH is juvenile, poorly acted and written, full of wretched comedy relief, cheesy, and doesn’t make a lick of sense. But couldn’t you say the same thing about the first STAR WARS (sounds of geek heads exploding!)? Made for a fraction of the budget, STAR CRASH has more ambition and imagination and if I had to choose one to take to a desert island, I wouldn’t hesitate to pick STARCRASH”ť. After experiencing the glory that is this loaded new Blu-ray release from Shout! Factory, I stand by that assessment as firmly as ever.

Another film I wrote about in my ‘Not Available on DVD’ column about a year ago was the 1971 Hammer Horror oddity VAMPIRE CIRCUS. Synapse films has just released that in a loaded Blu-ray and I will have a review of that here at We Are Movie Geeks next week. For the record, three other films I’ve written about in that column have subsequently been made available on legitimate DVD labels: TWO ON A GUILLOTINE, THE GREEN SLIME, and THE WHITE BUFFALO.

Review by Stephen Jones

If any movie this year was bound to have a great home release, it was SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD. In spite of its disappointing theatrical run, I think everybody expects it to do well in the long run thanks to its target audience being exactly the sort of people who turn box office bombs into DVD hits. The Blu-ray definitely does’t disappoint. Better movies have come out this year, and better movies are already on DVD and Blu- Ray, but this is the one I picked up before anything else.

I’ll start with the movie, but I’ll try and keep it brief. It’s a crazed, hyperkinetic mash-up of comic books and video games and the sort of people who obsess over both. It serves as sort of a microcosm of the geek/hipster subculture, so whatever your particular ‘thing’ is, it’s represented in some capacity in this film. Sadly, I think one of the best things about Scott Pilgrim might be one of the things keeping a lot of people from seeing it; Michael Cera. I hear a lot of complaints that he plays the same sort of character over and over, and to a degree that’s true. Okay, it’s just flat-out true. But not in this one. He’s not a nice, demur geeky guy. He’s actually kind of a douche, playing up a false persona of exactly what Cera has been typecast in order to pick up chicks. He also, in addition to a lot of the other cast members, carries himself surprisingly well in the action sequences, for whatever that’s worth. It’s a ton of fun, the characters are great, and it’s just flat-out a well made movie, one of the best of the year.

The transfer is outstanding. It may not have looked like it from the trailers or TV spots, but this film needed a great transfer just like SIN CITY needed a great transfer. All the over-the-top stylization is sharp and clear, the video game and comic book effects pop, and whenever the bulk of the screen is black (which does happen a few times) it looks great. The sound is just as good. There’s a lot of voice over, musical numbers, crowd scenes, and the mix is loud and clear. The dialogue is audible without the big loud scenes blowing out the speakers, which is a problem a lot of films like this tend to run into.

The bonus features are where it all really shines, though. Behind the scenes features for pretty much every aspect of the film, all the weblogs and the Cartoon Network short, four commentary tracks (two cast, one crew, and one with Wright and the creator of the Pilgrim comics), music videos, bloopers, deleted scenes, they really did go all-out for the Blu-ray. The DVD itself has decidedly fewer bonus features, which is a shame, but it does still include all the commentary tracks. It’s more expensive, but between the two I have to recommend going with the Blu-ray, especially since it comes with the DVD anyway, so get it even if you don’t have a player yet.

Review by Stephen Jones –

I think the most reassuring thing about UNEARTHED is that it came out in 2004, and I’m only hearing about it now. That means it’s a fairly obscure movie, and that it isn’t likely to be very widely seen. Of all the tragically overlooked movies of the past decade, this is one that deserves every bit of its obscurity. It’s currently available on Netflix instant, and some of the more inexorable video stores might have the DVD available to rent or to buy, but honestly the best thing to do is to avoid this movie altogether.

The movie follows a few different plots going on at once, primarily involving an archaeology professor who unearths an artifact during a dig in the middle of a Floridian city. The dig is under frequent threats to get shut down by a slimy CEO type to put a building on the site, in a series of developments that left me with fond memories of the Super Mario Brothers movie. Meanwhile a pair of detectives (one of whom is played by Tom Savini) investigates a series of shootouts involving homeless people. There’s also an alien who is after the artifact for reasons that are never really well explained.

There are few redeeming qualities about this movie. The makeup effects are downright impressive at times given how low the budget must’ve been. There’s also something of a twist involving the mysterious gun-toting character that I won’t give away, but was actually pretty refreshing considering he was otherwise a fairly stock character that even good movies tend to use in the exact same way. Unfortunately the good is surrounded by awful acting, shoddy sound work, and amateurish direction, and even the best things about it aren’t remotely good enough to make up for the rest.

The fact that this is a low budget, straight to video movie isn’t the reason not to see it. I stress that because there are plenty of movies that don’t get good releases and are made for no money that turn out to be excellent. UNEARTHED isn’t bad because of its budget, it’s bad because Craig Kovach wrote a terrible, cliché ridden script with underdeveloped characters and plots. None of the characters are appealing, the action scenes are dull, the monsters aren’t scary, and the story amounts to absolutely nothing. I take back what I said earlier about it being reassuring that it took six years for me to hear about UNEARTHED. I don’t think six years is long enough.

Review by Mike Gregory

After watching “Haunting Vallisca,” I approached “‘Christmas in the Clouds with extreme trepidation.  I needn’t have worried; I liked this movie from frame one. “Christmas in the Clouds” is a low-key screwball comedy that is so likable that it’s almost unfair.  The characters are lovable and the whole movie gives off great warmth.  It’s not a laugh-a-minute kind of movie (although there are a good few hearty laughs), but it will leave you with a constant smile on your face. Watching this movie, I was reminded of two movies: “City Island” and “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.”  I was surprised at the former association because I hated it and really liked this one.  Still, there are similarities in the film’s tone.  Why I was reminded of the latter is a little more obvious.  Both of them derive a lot of their humor from cultural differences (and Rosalind Ayres bears a strong resemblance of Fiona Reid, who played John Corbett’s mother in the 2002 comedy).

This is an ensemble comedy, and it has all the ear marks of a great screwball comedy: mistaken identity, off-color humor, and high strung characters.  But writer/director Kate Montgomery keeps the energy level low (but not on mute), so that we can build affection for these characters. The film revolves around a ski resort (that has no snow) run by Native Americans.  Ray Clouds on Fire (Timothy Vahle) runs the place, and is stressed out because he has just received notice that a critic is coming to review the hotel.  Meanwhile, his father Joe (Sam Vlahos) has invited his pen pal, Tina (Mariana Tosca) to come and visit.  But Tina thinks that Ray is her pen pal, and Ray thinks that Tina is the critic.  Nevertheless, they fall for each other. This would be enough to make a great movie, but I haven’t mentioned the other characters that Montgomery has added for flavor, including the hotel’s chef (a hilarious Graham Greene), who just happens to be a devout vegan, and the romance novel-obsessed concierge (Sheila Tousey).  Or the mouse decorated up like an Indian warrior.

The cast members give terrific performances.  Timothy Vahle is a little stiff, but he’s likable nonetheless.  And he has smoldering chemistry with the lovely Mariana Tosca.  Character actor M. Emmett Walsh is also very good as the grumpy Stu, the real travel writer.  Rosalind Ayres is also very good as Mabel, one of the hotel’s guests.  The film also includes Wes Studi in a brief cameo.
The film isn’t perfect, however.  The film is a little unfocused at the beginning when it’s introducing the characters, and it lacks professionalism. But the film is so earnest and likable that despite whatever flaws it may have, it’s a real winner.

4 of 5 Stars

Review by Mike Gregory

Watching a movie you’ve heard nothing about is a bit like Russian Roulette. Sometimes, they turn out to be pretty good, and you wonder why a studio didn’t pick them up for distribution (2005′s “Confession” with Chris Pine comes to mind). Other times, it’s kind of obvious. “Haunting Villisca” fits into the latter category.

While one would be right to point out that using an almost non-existent budget and non-professional actors isn’t always a problem (in fact, “Paranormal Activity” and “The Blair Witch Project” proved that this can be an asset), the film has to have imaginative filmmaking and actors with talent. Unfortunately, James Serpento’s film has neither. Worse, the sound quality is awful. It sounds as if it was all filmed on a camcorder.

But by far the worst offense is that the film is boring. Dreadfully boring. I’m not talking about the kind of boring where people speak with extreme subtlety. I’m talking about the kind of boring where nothing seems to be happening. At around 90 minutes, which is the usual running time for a horror movie, this would be a shade above painful. At nearly 2.5 hours, it’s torture. Even worse is the fact that there’s not enough material to justify a feature length film, but Serpento finds a way to drag it out to the length of an epic.
The story, or lack thereof, has two parts that run simultaneously. One is that of David Salt (Serpento), a college professor of psychology with an unstable wife named Iola (Kerry Scram). David also happens to be sleeping with one of his students. But after Iola kills herself, David skips town after being fired for his affair, and he ends up in a town called Villisca. As it turns out, there is a house there that was the site of a mass murder nearly a century ago, and there are some paranormal investigators who believe that in a few days they will be able to contact the trapped spirits of the victims and finally be able to give them some peace. The second story takes place shortly after the murders, where a priest is on trial for the killings.

Neither story is particularly interesting, and the trial only eats up running time, because we already know that the murders are unsolved, which effectively kills any dramatic tension the story might have had. It could have been an asset had it been blessed with any imagination, but like everything else in the film, it’s dramatically inert.

Like everything else in the movie, the acting is bland. James Serpentino can act as well as he can write and direct a movie; in other words, not well. We’re supposed to have a rooting interest in his redemption, but he’s kind of a jerk. The man who plays the old guy who shows David around town is okay, I guess, but the question remains as to whether this is acting or just the guy’s personality. As you can see, I don’t remember the characters’ names for the most part, which is because no one is really worth remembering. The bottom line is that this movie is a turkey. There are a few creepy moments, an unintentional laugh or two, and the film gets a little energy in the final minutes, but it’s still one to be avoided like the plague. It’s not the worst movie I’ve seen, but it is the dullest. In some ways, this is a tougher movie to watch, because at least when you’re watching a movie that you hate, your mind is concentrating on how good it would feel to burn every remnant of its existence. With this, it makes you wish you were watching grass grow. At least then there would be something going on.

1/2 of 5 stars

Ever have one of those days when you’re trying to get some work done but you’re continually pestered by other versions of yourself who’ve just traveled a short distance backward in time? Me neither, but that’s the premise of VERY LITTLE TIME a lean micro-budget (one actor, one location – I could literally reproduce this movie right now with my camcorder without leaving my house) from brothers Tim and Todd Wynn. It’s a familiar, no-budget rehash of space-time-continuum shenanigans that milks its familiar premise and ends up being more watchable than it has any right to be.

Ryan, played by one of the Wynns (I’m not sure which. They’re both credited as playing Ryan, but clearly it’s mostly one) works from home in a career as a consumer tester. Products are sent to his home, which he gets to keep as long as he submits a review of them (kinda like me and this DVD!) Soon he’s receiving emails from someone with the screen name ‘very_little_time’ who knows an awful lot about him (like the number he’s currently thinking of) and warns him not to open the mysterious toolbox he’s found buried in his yard. But he does and he’s suddenly time-zapped backwards about seven hours where he warns himself not to open the mysterious toolbox he’s found buried in his yard. Future and past entities of Ryan appear, continuums get knocked out of whack, and much technobabble is spouted. Ryan finds that if he wants to get out of the loop he’s in, he’s got to stop himself from opening that damn box.

The Serlingesque story has momentum but may have worked better as a short as there’s not quite enough going on in VERY LITTLE TIME to sustain interest for its 80 minute running time. All the plot devices are so clearly laid out that the film is less a mystery than a slowly unfolding experiment. There’s a lot of scenes of Ryan texting himself (which of course always makes for riveting cinema) and star Wynn displays little charisma, flatly delivering his lines in a grating nasally Australian accent. Time travel movies are inherently schematic and are usually fun to watch as you try and juggle the multiple paradoxes in your head. The screenwriter can basically make up the rules in time travel films and it’s a sub-genre that’s hard to totally screw up. The Wynn brothers didn’t screw it up, but they didn’t make a great movie either, just an okay one.

Visit the VERY LITTLE TIME website HERE.