Thanks to Mr K Smith, we have a vintage ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’ poster. What are you waiting for? Go see this damn movie…

Kevin Smith week here on wearemoviegeeks.com was all built around the release of ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’ and today is finally THE day. The movie is releasing today and will conquer all of you crazy bastards in such a way that you will walk out of the theater crying, laughing, and probably just have pissed your pants. I know I did, and you will to.

Also please be assured that if you dont like this movie, you probably need to get checked out because this is THE funniest movie of the year. Enjoy the reviews:

Zac:

Kevin Smith’s latest is a hilarious, raunchy, and sweet look at two friends’ platonic relationship that probably was meant to be more but never was.

Zack (Seth Rogen) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) have been friends from the first grade, they have never been romantically involved emotionally, accidentally, or really ever thought about it, and they are now roommates in a place with stacking up bills and no sign of an income to help pay them off any sooner rather than later. Zack works and Bean and Gone, a local Starbucks competitor in Pittsburgh and he spends his days hanging out with his friend Delaney (Craig Robinson) and avoiding getting in trouble with his store manager. Miri’s work situation isn’t pulling down much cash either, and the two are left with defunct computers, buying pointless items, while their bills go further and further past due. The night before Thanksgiving, the two have their 10 year high school reunion and Zack is practically dragged there by Miri who is looking to score with her high school crush Bobby Long (Brandon Routh). Once Miri finds her man she leaves Zack on his own who between trying to score with married girls from his past and drinking runs into a guest of one of his classmates, Brandon (Justin Long) and the two bond over discussions of Brandon’s profession; gay porn. After the reunion, the last of the Zack and Miri’s utilities are shut off and they are left with a hobo style heating system and a desperate desire to make money, when Zack comes up with the idea of making a porno based off their recent “viral” success. Miri is quickly talked into the deal, as is Delaney to produce with his plasma TV money, and after a couple of quick casting sessions and finding someone and somewhere to shoot it, Zack and Miri are ready to produce their Porno.

I have explained quite a lot so far, but have spoiled little, and will go no further with plot, but the chemistry of these characters is fantastic though. Smith has always been great at getting his cast to bounce off each other with ease and Z&M is no different. Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks bounce off each other with ease and the banter can go from dirty to sweet in a second. Craig Robinson provides many of the best lines in the film and he and Rogen have as equally as good a chemistry as he does with Banks. Jason Mewes also owns his role as the lead porn actor in the film; he isn’t a professional just more then capable with his equipment than most. Mewes is hilarious and it’s nice to see him doing something besides Jay in a Kevin Smith film, here is to him doing more original work in his friend’s future work. Both of the real life porn stars that make appearances in the film do an excellent job as well, with Katie Morgan bringing plenty of sweet and bubbly energy to her character of Stacey while hamming it up for the camera when she does the porn work in the film. She and Mewes do the majority of the sex work in the film and they make it funny and silly, while remaining somewhat authentic, nailing what Smith was going for I imagine.

The creativity Smith gets out of his porn ideas is great as well, the number of dirty jokes he comes up with around the theme of the film is pretty impressive. I also how he kind of makes an homage to the making of clerks with the shooting of the in film porno, you will know what I mean when you see it, and the coda video at the end of the film is well thought out and clever as well. Smith has crafted his most well rounded film yet with Zack and Miri but, I am not ready to anoint it as his best, though after repeat viewings we can reassess that element.

Now, the elephant in the room, how raunchy is this movie? It is pretty fucking filthy, so much so, I can’t believe that Smith got them to talk this thing down, he must be one persuasive man. Testicles, breasts, penis, vagina, and much, much more; this film has it all. And I can’t even mention the worst/funniest thing in the film as it is one of the best laughs in the film and of the year; disgustingly hilarious. The movie is so raunchy that the sweet emotional scenes become jarring because you’re so used to the profane and vulgar, but funny, material that fills a substantial amount of the film. Though, the movie does have its serious and sweet moments, and can be rather effective, even if they seem a bit out of place in this crazy flick.

I have already touched on the acting a bit but everyone in the film is working at top form. Banks’ Miri is both kind of a self proclaimed slut but some how Banks makes her sweet and adorable at times when she isn’t acting kind of dirty. Rogen does stray to far from the type he has been playing as of late, but that is OK because he is hilarious as usual. Jeff Anderson is at the center of the best gag in the movie and he just nails that while injecting plenty of good one liner’s throughout the picture. I can’t say anymore about Craig Robinson who we need to have more in movies, as he never fails to make me laugh. Justin Long steals every scene he is in, it is a shame there are only a few and Brandon Routh captures his character perfectly. Mewes is golden throughout this flick and it makes you wish he had even more work in the picture as he is a bit in the background much of the time, but he makes the most of every scene he is in. Also, Smith shows restraint by not putting himself or any of his regulars in front of the camera, and while I like those guys, it’s nice to see him moving out of the Jersey Chronicles and all that comes with it for something fresh and original with Zack and Miri here.

In the end, Zack and Miri Make a Porno is easily one of the Top 3 comedies of the year right now. I don’t know if it is quite as good as Forgetting Sarah Marshall right now as Z&M pacing falls out of whack from time to time and can’t touch Sarah Marshall’s perfect relationship/comedy balance, but there is a lot of room for this one to grow in repeat viewings. If you are a Kevin Smith or Seth Rogen fan, this one is a no brainer. A bunch of the Apatow camp guys were inspired by Kevin Smith and Clerks years ago and it’s great to see Smith come out and show that he is more than capable of creating a product as good as what those guys have been doing as of late. Though, the faint of heart, don’t say I didn’t warn you, but at least you gave it a chance.

Travis:

Kevin Smith is a filmmaker who doesn’t always get the best criticism, but he always makes quality, enjoyable films in my book. While his range in genres hasn’t truly shown itself yet, Smith has managed to widen his horizons a bit with films like ‘Chasing Amy’ and ‘Jersey Girl’. One thing I always enjoy about Smith’s movies is that he knows how to make us laugh, uncontrollably at times. Sure, his sense of humor may not be everyone’s cup-o-tea, but you can’t please everyone… just the really cool people.

Seth Rogen plays Zack, a slacker working in a Starbucks-style coffee shop in Monroeville, Pennsylvania. Elizabeth Banks plays Miri, his best friend since grade school and roommate who doesn’t realize that Zack secretly wants to be more than friends. Zack and Miri are down on their luck and their cash flow is doing even worse. With the water and the power turned off in the middle of winter, Zack and Miri are desperate to find a new revenue stream before they lose their apartment. That’s when Zack has his brilliant idea…

Zack and Miri are going to make a porno! So, once they both decide this is meant to happen, Zack enlists his co-worker Delaney (Craig Robinson) to be the producer. Zack, Miri and Delaney begin casting and the real-life cast includes real-life porn stars Katie Morgan as the stereotypical blonde Stacey and the now “legit” actress Traci Lords as the kinky and specially talented Bubbles. The rag-tag cast of loser guys and attractive gals band together to somehow make an adult film, but not without their share of obstacles.

All of that aside, it’s the dialogue and the character interaction that makes the movie so good, as with all Smith films. Justin Long is surprisingly humorous as Brandon Routh’s gay lover who works in gay porn and it’s great to see Jeff Anderson still in the mix, playing the amateur cameraman Deacon… who happens to have some of the greatest lines in the movie! “She frosted me like a cake!” And finally, how can you have a Kevin Smith movie without Jason Mewes… exactly, you can’t! Mewes returns, but not as Jay. In fact, this is the first Kevin Smith film to completely remove itself from his usual cast of characters. Mewes does however put his “everything” into the role… and I do mean EVERYTHING!

Ram Man:

This is the movie I have been waiting for this fall. I don’t know if it strictly because it is a Kevin Smith film or because of the fiasco made by the M.P.A.A. concerning the rating and content. Either way I was able to catch an advance screening of ‘Zack and Miri Make A Porno’ and it is one of Smith’s best films ever. As he did with ‘Jersey Girl’, Kevin strayed from the coziness of the View-Askew universe of characters and introduced us to some “real’ people of Monroeville, PA. (Yes that is the same town the zombies took over in Night of the Living Dead) The people I speak of are Zack (Seth Rogan) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) or her high school nickname “stinky Linky”. Smith also realizing he needed some experience in this film, he recruited porn star Katie Morgan and a porn legend…Tracy Lords! The film also features Rogan sidekicks Craig Robinson (Knocked Up) and Gerry Bednob (40 yr. Old Virgin) along with Smith’s own buddies Jason Mewes and Jeff Anderson.

Zack and Miri are roommates and best friends since high school. They are strictly friends and have never hooked up. They also never understood what it was to live on their own. After Zack spends the utility bill money on new Hockey skates and Miri blows her check on a new outfit, they both realize they are in dangers of being tossed out on the street. In Pennsylvania, thanksgiving weekend, that is a chilling thought. That is wen the lights go out. Literally… the lights go out, remember Zack didn’t pay the bill. So that scrape together what money they have left and head to the local bar (with heat) to plan a way out of this mess. They do what any red-blooded American couple who needs money would do….no they don’t get second jobs…they make a pornographic movie. Zack was forced by Miri to attend their high school reunion in an attempt for Miri to at last hook up with football stud Bobby Long (Brandon Routh). Only to find out Long is actually gay (must be from the tights in Superman Returns) and in love with male erotic movie star (played by Justin Long).

Zack and Miri decide to make the film and now must get some financing and find a location. Zack handles both. Buddy and co-worker Delaney (Robinson) donates his cash saved up for a HDTV in exchange for a role as casting director and a chance to see some titties! Zack also finds a warehouse full of trash, set to be demolished after the holidays, to film the porno. Zack and Miri also round up a cameraman Deacon (Anderson) and cast a stripper who loves anal, Stacy (Morgan) and a gal whose nickname is Bubbles for that talent she exhibits blowing them out of her vagina. All that was left was the male lead. That was taken by Lester “the molester” (Mewes). Zack thought it was a great porn name. Lester responded”We get a porn name!” The group agreed almost simultaneously on the title of the film….”Star Whores” Lucas would be proud.

The sets are finished and costumes are made and the day had finally come to shoot the first scene. Except, when the arrive at the warehouse, it is half demolished. The guy they rented from took off to Florida with the cash and now Zack and Miri have no location for their sex tape. Zack, Miri and the gang re-convene at The coffee shop where Zack and Delaney work to come up with a new plan. All the costumes , sets and equipment is gone. Zack comes up with the idea to shoot it there..at Bean-N-Gone with the surveillance camera! Acting in pornos is not even close to good and what ensued in this homegrown erotica. Filming includes hilarious scenes from Mewes doing Morgan, a drunken Steeler fan walks in on filming to get a cup of joe and comes face to face with Stacy’s tits and thinks nothing of it. (I need to visit Pittsburgh). The filming also includes the most romantic love scene in a porno to date between Zack and Miri, who by the way manges to keep their clothes on. (In Rogan’s case it is a blessing. And you know with a title like ‘Zack and Miri make a Porno’ Mewes is going to dangle his yule log somewhere in the film…and he does to the shock of Zack!

OK I have manage to keep the soap box put away during the synopsis portion of the review, but now I’m bringing it out! Now that i have seen the film I can honestly say that the “blue hairs” at the Motion Picture Assoc. of America are full of S**T! There was nothing any worse in this film to pull down an NC-17 rating than in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Eastern Promises and American Pie (all rated R). Again it is another attempt by the MPAA to try to kill one of Smith’s films. They gave the rating strictly by the word “Porno” being in the title. After the decision was over turned they fined him for an unrated trailer released on his website and killed to publicity campaign in the states by saying the posters were obscene. How childish can you be. So Kevin, in his own style, released a new poster with stick figures on it to make the folks at the MPAA nursing home happy.

‘Zack & Miri Make A Porno’ is one of Kevin Smith’s finest films to date. It definitely has the best acting of any of the previous ones. It is hilarious and yes it has some bad language, nudity and sexual references, but it is done in a way to entertain and not insult. If you choose to skip “Zack & Miri’ just for the word porno in the tile I feel sorry for you. Not because you are missing one of the funniest films of the year. No, because you are subscribing to the stupidity that is the MPAA and becoming yet another one of the cattle that choose to be told rather than find out on your own. For those of you Kevin Smith “Die Hards” (blatant plug I couldn’t resist) I hope you enjoy ‘Zack & Miri Make A Porno’ and see it repeatedly and show the world by making it #1 at the box office and giving the MPAA the big “F**K YOU!” OK now I will stop channeling my inner Hooper and just say “Go see Zack and Miri this weekend and laugh your ass off! ”

[rating:4.5/5]

Jeremy:

The last time Kevin Smith stepped away from the View Askew universe, he punched out ‘Jersey Girl’. The film is enjoyable and heartfelt in its own right, but fans of Smith’s previous films were left wanting more. Smith’s foray into the world of PG-13 romantic comedies was not met with open arms to say the very least. Some even blamed Smith for trying too hard to work with the Hollywood system, something I’m sure Smith is sure never to do again.

With ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’, Smith again steps out of the View Askew universe. He even steps away from the New Jersey for the first time. However, ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’ is anything but a PG-13 romantic comedy. It is as hard-edged as anything else he has done before. It might possibly be even harder than anything he’s done before. Fans of Smith will not be disappointed.

Zack (Seth Rogen) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) are two, high school friends/roommates, who are down on their luck financially. While attending their ten-year high school reunion, Zack runs into Brandon St. Randy (Justin Long), a gay porn star who is dating one of their high school friends. This encounter snowballs an idea into Zack’s head that he and Miri could make a porno to relieve them of their financial woes. As you can surely imagine, logistical issues and awkward hilarity are sure to ensue.

‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’ is through and through a Kevin Smith film. Having said that, it seems like the perfect marriage between the world of Kevin Smith and the world of Judd Apatow. In this film, we are treated to some of Smith’s best-written dialogue in years broaching just about every subject regarding porn under the sun. At the same time, the film, particularly the nature of Zack and Miri’s relationship, is as sweet as anything in ’40-Year-Old Virgin’ or ‘Knocked Up’.

In fact, this is probably this film’s biggest flaw. When it is trying to be funny, it is extremely funny. There are moments where you will be rolling on the floor. But, when the comedy subsides and we are left with watching the romance blossom between the two, main characters, it becomes quite saccharine. This is something that is shocking coming from Smith. This is the guy who brought us ‘Chasing Amy’, arguably the most ground in reality love story ever told. So it takes you aback when you start to realize you are watching just another romantic comedy filled with drawn-out misunderstandings and cliched outcomes.

This aspect of the film is helped tremendously by Banks and Rogen. They are an adorable couple together, and, singularly, the two are incredibly funny. Who knew that Elizabeth Banks could hold her own comedically with Seth Rogen? And the chemistry that builds between them is genuine.

Luckily for us, though, the sweetness in ‘Zack and Miri’ is easily covered up by the unbelievably crude yet hilarious comedy that the film has to offer. Being a Kevin Smith film, the humor is, at the same time, very witty and original as well. When they are trying to come up with a title and premise for their porno, Zack and Miri spout out some extremely funny ideas. They eventually settle on ‘Star Whores’, an idea that will surprise absolutly no one in the Kevin Smith fan-base.

Everyone in ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’ are hilarious, as well, but with a few standouts. Craig Robinson, an Abatow regular, is riotous as Delaney, the porno’s producer. Traci Lords and Katie Morgan are about as cute as they can be, being actual porn stars who are mainstreaming it here. Jason Mewes gives another amazing performance in a Kevin Smith film playing a character other than Jay for the first time. He proves with this film that he will do anything, and I mean anything, for a part in one of hid buddy’s films.

However, the biggest standout of them all, the one performance that is quite possibly the best thing about ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’ is Long as the gay porn star. The way Long carries himself and the affectation he puts on his voice makes it the perfect performance. Seriously, a whole spinoff film about Brandon St. Randy would be a real treat. Stick around through the end credits to see even more of this character.

Between ‘Clerks II’ and now this, Kevin Smith has certainly shed any stigma that he may have garnered from ‘Jersey Girl’. At times, ‘Zack and Miri’ gets a little too sweet for its own good, and a little more realism could have done that part of the film wonders. That aside, ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’ is one of Smith’s funniest films to date. He truly has put himself back on top as the reigning king of comedy.

[rating:4/5]

Melissa:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

I cannot tell you the last time that I laughed that hard in a movie theater!!! Mr. Smith has truely outdone himself. It has the modern day sarcastic humor mixed into Smiths already sarcastic, in your face crude humor. A winning combination I say!!!

Zack and Miri (Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks) are best friends with no money. They work dead end jobs and spend their bill money on frivolous things. After attending their 10 year high school reunion (by watching this I am horribly frightened to attend my own!), they are inspired to do something drastic in order to pay off their bills, and return to a life of electricity and water… MAKE A PORNO!

They team up with some crazy characters during their casting (and by crazy I mean AWESOME!) that include Lester (Jason Mewes), Deacon (Jeff Anderson), Stacey (Katie Morgan) and of course Bubbles (Traci Lords). I mean, what kind of porno movie would this be without Traci Lords!

The thing that I really enjoyed about this movie is that the characters were two people in a real life situation. They have no money, crappy jobs, the economy sucks, and they are down on their luck. Hmmm… I am guessing that more than just myself can relate to this…

One of the most unsuspecting funny men of the movie was Brandon, played by Justin Long. In most Justin Long movies that I have seen, he generally plays a more likable character… In this film he plays a gay porn producer with an emphasis on… you guessed it… gay porn. His character comes completely out of lest field and left me laughing with every word that he spoke!

Seth Rogan was funny, like always. I have been a fan of his since the television show Freaks and Geeks, even though the show lasted the better part of a year! He reaches beyond just the 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up comedy and mixes it nicely with the Kevin Smith style comedy that we all know and love!

I give this film two thumbs up… Go in prepared for your stomach and face to hurt from laughing so hard!

P.S. Jason Mewes gives everyone a special treat at the end… Hey Jason, call me ;-) lol

[rating:5/5]

Before Kevin Smith week comes to a close, I thought it would be fun for me to take one more trip down memory lane. When Clerks II came out in theaters Bulletproof Records, the company behind its soundtrack, held a contest on Youtube. People had to create a Kevin Smith themed music video for the song “Think Fast†� by All Too Much, which is on the soundtrack but not in the film. Of course, I jumped at the chance to enter this. Below is the video I created in about 4 days from concept to upload. Enjoy!

Some of the finer details are lost in the compressed Youtube video (the book he takes out is The Diary of Anne Frank) but I am still really happy with how it turned out. Let me know what you guys think…

Jerry Cavallaro - www.AreYouStuckLikeChuck.com

Raise your hand if Kevin Smith rocks your face off!!!

Just so you know… I raised BOTH hands (but I can’t keep them up sinceits best that I put my feelings into words!).

The whole cast is back in this super funny sequel, and they serve it up in color! We pick up with Dante (Brian O’Halloran) and Randal (Jeff Anderson) on their way to another day at their dead end jobs. Since the Quickstop burnt to the ground, along with the video store connected to it, Dante and Randal have been forced to work at the local burger joint Mooby’s. Dante has now found love, and will be moving away from Randal with his clingy fiance. The story takes us through his last day at work, as he says goodbye to his boss (Rosario Dawson), who he had an affair with, and the crazy coworkers and customers of Mooby’s.Randal is still rude to the customers, Dante is still offended by Randal but puts up with him since they are best friends. But it wouldn’t be complete without some slackers hanging around the business. � You might know them, they go by Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith).

The jokes in this film are fabulous! By far my favorite new character is Elias (Trevor Fehrman). Elias is a virginal teen who’s likes include God, church camp, Transformers, and Lord of the Rings. Elias brings us the fun of Pillow Pants, Listerfiend, “One Ring to rule them all”, and � “Since God created man, and man created the Transformers, the Transformers are like a gift from God, Randal!”. Innocence is funny!

Jay and Silent Bob are still selling drugs to the kids, but this time they are armed with the Holy Bible. I would throw some quotes in here, but I don’t think I could find any that would be PG. They are by far the coolest dudes ever!How cool you ask? I would punch someones grandmother to hang out with them! That’s how cool it would be! (Just so you know, it will never happen so all of you beautiful grandmothers are safe!) Rosario Dawson is a great addition to the cast. She’s attractive, sarcastic, smart, and can pull off the dorky attitude that fits with her less than cool cohorts.

I have heard people argue that Clerks II is not nearly as good as the original. Well, let’s think about this. Clerks was a groundbreaking film with dirty humor and lifelike characters. It was simplistic, and it didn’t try to blind you with beautiful characters and a well polished set. It was the first comedy of its kind. How can you recreate the first comedy of its kind? You don’t. Instead you evolve and build upon it, and that is exactly what Kevin Smith did. The characters were easy to relate to, with their dead end jobs and slacker attitudes. Clerks II picks up on where they are now, 10 years after the Quickstop burned down. I think if they would have shot it in the same way as the first, it would have been boring. I like the fact that they bring new characters into the picture, with a new job and color cinematographer. It would have been to easy to set it up exactly the same and do the exact same thing. Their new jobs are a great example of how we as Americans can easily fall into a rut with our careers. It’s been a decade and Dante and Randal are still just as unhappy with their occupations as they were 10 years ago. How many of us complain about our jobs yet stay in them for far too long? I dig that they can show this with some humor. Heck, it reminds me of a typical day hanging out with my friends, minus the Donkey show! I have far too many sarcastic slackers in my life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

So quit trying to just compare and enjoy what it has become. Enjoy the awesomeness that is called Clerks II. KEVIN SMITH ROCKS MY FACE OFF!

“Hey, what’s all this talk about farting?†�

 �

‘Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back’ is the fifth film set in the View Askewniverse and it stars Jason Mewes and writer/director Kevin Smith as the title characters.

The plot goes a little something like this: Jay and Silent Bob find out that there is a movie being made from the comic they inspired, ‘Bluntman and Chronic,’ and that people on the “internet†� have been talking shit about it. To make matters worse, the duo has never even seen a dime of royalties. So it’s off to Hollywood†�

Along the way, lots of random shit happens. There’s a monkey. A jewel heist. Farts. A nun nearly gets her pussy eaten. Mark Hamill. Will Ferrell. Tracy Morgan as Pumpkin Escobar.

One of the best bits involves Ben Affleck and Matt Damon on the set of ‘Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season,’ which the title alone is good for a laugh but when you throw in a shot of Gus Van Sant counting piles of money, well, then it transcends funny and becomes something more like magic. �

This is the movie in a nutshell and it works, I think, whether or not you possess an encyclopedic knowledge of the Askewniverse. It’s just so fucking ridiculous. If you want to just sit back and laugh at crazy bullshit for an hour and a half, then throw this motherfucker in your DVD player. It’s not aiming at excellence, it’s aiming at fun and fun takes it in the balls repeatedly.

“Oh, what a lovely tea party.†�

Hmm, on a side note, there is some really good work in this film by cinematographer Jamie Anderson. Widescreen is taken advantage of and used to full effect. Anderson has been working in film for a while, having DP’d films like ‘Piranha,’ ‘Grosse Pointe Blank’ and ‘Art School Confidential.’ This film is mostly spoof and Jamie’s work really puts that Hollywood glitter in every scene. Any comedic duo needs a straight man. As Silent Bob is the straight man to Jay, Jamie Anderson is the straight man to Kevin Smith.

“Boo Boo Kitty Fuck.†�

[rating:4/5]

 �

Just want to thank NewsAskew.com for the link love yesterday, it is very much appreciated!

In Kevin Smith’s �farcical ‘Dogma’, two renegade angels, Loki and Bartleby, are given the boot �from heaven and sent to Wisconsin by the All-Powerful, where they hatch �a dangerous plan that involves sneaking into a church re-dedication ceremony that will give them a pass �back into �heaven against God’s will – proving he’s fallible and something that will wipe-out all mankind. �Add to that, Smith’s amusing idea �that God �is a huge �skeeball �fan and, every once in a while, �goes all-out human so he can �come down for a couple of plays �at the arcade. Little do �Loki and Bartleby �know, God’s ancestor, Bethany Sloane, �has just been chosen to �nix their reentry and �she works at, of all places, an abortion clinic. Think Virgin Mary redux… and of course, she’s helped by ‘Mallrats’ prophets Jay and �Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith), former muse Serendipity (Salma Hayek), and Rufus (Chris Rock), the 13th Apostle, left out of the Bible because he was black. As it turns out, Bethany and her disciples discover God is a woman (Alanis Morissette).

According to Wikipedia, the movie is noted for its heavy use of profanity. The word “fu*k” is used 106 times in the film, and the word “sh*t” 38 times. Have to give Smith an “E” for effort – always keeping the flags of discontent flyin’! As Metatron exclaims, “I’m as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll.” Who puts this kind of line onto the page? only the nutty imagination of �Kevin Smith. Totally his writing and directing of this sarcastic yuk-fest �to the end…..

Goes to prove how brilliant the casting was too. Alan Rickman’s Metatron aka “The Voice of God” �is my favorite character �of the film. His ever smarmy style of delivering �the witty lines with his English accent as he announces �”I am the Metatron.” �Obviously Rickman �appreciates the deft writing with his performance. Matt Damon showing up Ben Affleck, no stretch there, in the scene where his Loki shoots everyone in the boardroom while Bartleby waits outside….had me slack-jawed and howling all at the same time. �”Ladies and Gentlemen, the driving force behind Catholicism Wow, Cardinal Glick.” Who better than George Carlin to play a Cardinal promoting “a buddy Christ”? � �And he does it with such ease and dexterity, too. �The genius of all casting EVER…..The small role of the nun was played by Betty Aberlin, better known as “Lady Aberlin” from the children’s television program Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. Totally blew my mind…

As a cradle Catholic, I found nothing offensive from this very funny, well-written script. After �a second look, how can one NOT be a Kevin Smith fan. Even on the eve of ‘Zack and Miri’, Smith’s ‘Dogma’ is a smart satire from beginning to its reverential �end �and �still his funniest �movie.

On a side note, �below is the story that News 12 New Jersey ran about the locals protesting ‘Dogma’. Kevin Smith makes a funny cameo as one of the protesters carrying a sign “Dogma is Dogsh*t.” During the interview, Smith never once gives his name, but stands alongside �the faithful � �- probably inspired by the Almighty himself!

Welcome to this edition of Kevin Smith Super Badass Geek stuff. All week we are going to bring you geek stuff related to Kevin or the View Askewniverse.

Since ‘Sold Out: A Threevening with Kevin Smith’ came out this passed Tuesday we figured what better to feature than that DVD? Well how about that DVD signed by Kevin himself! That’s right, at the online secret stash you can order the DVD and K Smith will sign it for you before it ships out! All for a measly 24.99, you cant beat that shit.

If you would like to get this sweet deal, all you have to do is going to the Online Secret Stashand you can pay with your credit card, or Paypal… the only thing you cant pay with is sex.

What is the one thing that will drive two best friends apart? A cute blond bi-sexual girl of course. One of my all time favorite View-Askew films is ‘Chasing Amy’, Kevin Smith’s third installment in the Jersey Trilogy and his most critically acclaimed film to date. ‘Chasing Amy’ was the winner of the Independent Spirit Award for best Screenplay and �the launching pad for little known actress �Joey Lauren Adams. Adam’s also received a �Golden Globe nomination �for her performance of Alyssa Jones, the previously mentioned bi-sexual blond. Kevin Smith is a film maker with an eye for talent, gathering a group that today would �make up �an A-list cast (Ben Affleck, Jason Lee, Matt Damon and Casey Affleck) �to do a movie with a shoestring budget close to $250,000.

Ben Affleck and Jason Lee return, after fighting over Shannon Dougherty in ‘Mallrats’, as life long friends Holden McNeil and Banky Edwards in 1997′s ‘Chasing Amy’. McNeil (Affleck) and Edwards (Lee) are roommates and successful comic-book creators. Their latest endeavor is the story of Bluntman & Chronic, a tale of �two stoner superheroes, that have a strong resemblance to Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith, himself) . If you haven’t picked up the books, you really should …they’re great! (and available at www.viewaskew.com).

While at a comic book convention, Holden notices an attractive artist on a Q&A panel, Alyssa Jones (Adams) creator of her own feminist comic ‘Idiosyncratic Routine’. One of my favorite scenes in the film happens at the convention, when Banky (Lee) is forced to defend his station in life: being an inker. Don’t even call him a tracer! Holden, Banky, Alyssa and black militant homosexual artist Hooper (Dwight Ewell)Â �all meet for a drink following the convention. Holden is convinced he and Alyssa shared a moment, and he is infatuated with her.

It’s not until the next time Holden meets up with Alyssa at the Meow Mix bar that he realizes she plays for the other team. �Holden catches �her playing a little tonsil hockey with a young blond. That’s when Banky realizes they are trying to pick up girls at a lesbian bar and smiles �from ear to ear. � �This doesn’t stop Holden who eventually falls for Alyssa, and in turn, �she falls for him. �This forfeits �Alyssa’s membership in the she-woman man haters club.

The new romance also drives a wedge in the Bluntman & Chronic team. � Banky does what any best friend would do…he digs up some dirt on Alyssa. Banky discovers her high school nickname was “fingercuffs”, coming from her early sexual awareness. you need to check out the DVD to decode the meaning of… “fingercuffs”. (DVD available at www.viewaskew.com)

Holden, who thought he was the one who converted Alyssa back to the “sausage side”, is unable to look �at �a future with Alyssa, being �disgusted with her past sexual exploits. Following the break-up, we finally are treated to �the first �appearance of Jay and Silent Bob. Bob , not so quietly, explains to Holden the concept and basis for the title of the film “Chasing Amy” or in this case Chasing Alyssa. Basically letting your one true love get away and then spend the rest of your life chasing after that feeling you once had. Holden, after a failed suggested threesome with Alyssa and…Banky?, � pens a new graphic novel and apology called …yes you guessed it….”Chasing Amy” that chronicles his and Alyssa’s relationship culminating with a final panel “I’m Sorry Alyssa”.

Kevin Smith’s cannonball into the sexual revolution pool is a “10!” Chasing Amy is a wonderful story of how people react to �each other’s sexuality. �I have been to Red Bank, New Jersey (everyone should visit this cool small town). Every time I watch ‘Amy’ it’s like re-living the trip there, I can almost smell the pizza slices around the corner from the View Askew shop. � Chasing Amy is the perfect end to a hilarious threesome of buddy movies (Clerks, Mallrats), and it will make you laugh, it will make some cry (not me!) and mostly it will make you think! You will also see the graduation of a fine director (Kevin Smith) into the icon he has become today. Make ‘Chasing Amy’ part of your DVD library and don’t let Amy be a stranger… re-visit her often.

In a world where Brandi Svenning was destined to get married when Jaws pops out of the water to that guy that looks alot like the guy from ‘Dazed and Confused’, you find something sort of peaceful about running around a mall all day.

Kevin Smith followed up ‘Clerks’ with what some people consider to be one of his worst films, but this is for me essential Kevin Smith. ‘Mallrats’ brought the View Askewniverse into the mainstream spotlight and furthered what ‘Clerks’ set into motion.

In 1995 when the movie came out, I thought it was the best comedy I had ever seen, and made me realize just how important these movies were going to be, and what Kevin would eventually become. The thing about Kevin Smith movies, you either love them or hate them and there is no in between. This movie is a perfect example of it. It currently sits at 50% on rotten tomatoes, but don’t let that sway you from seeing this classic, as most of the people on rotten tomatoes just suck and their opinions shouldn’t matter.

Yesterday, Zack and Miri Make A Porno premiered in New York City and Kevin Smith was on hand for a question and answer session with the crowd afterwards. We will be posting reviews of the film next week so I won’t go into much detail about the flick. However, I will say that I think it is Kevin Smith’s funniest film and I absolutely loved it. It has the amazing dialogue of Clerks, the gross out humor of Mallrats and as much heart as Chasing Amy. It will definitely be a hit. And that’s all I’m going to say about the film.

I went to this screening with two goals in mind. The first was to see what I knew would be a great movie and the other was to score an interview with the man himself. I knew the second was a long shot but I was determined. I arrived at the theater about an hour early and was shocked to find no one there. Unfortunately a visit to the Box Office revealed the confirmation email listed the wrong movie theater. I rushed to the theater a few blocks away and found a huge line waiting for me.

I finally got into the theater and I sit in the worst possible seat. I was front row center. I had to look at an 80-degree angle to see the screen and the image was horribly distracting at such a close range. I didn’t care though since I knew I’d have the perfect seat for the Q and A portion. When Kevin finally came out, he settled about 4 ft away from me, which is where he stood most of the time. He immediately asked that the house lights be brought up, the spotlight be brought down and the emo music be turned off. He then told us that he made the mistake of having a big dinner just prior to coming to the theater so he had to take a “wicked shit†� but he will hold it in for the next hour.

The first question was the always dreaded “will you hang out with us after the show?†� but Kevin handled it in a polite way. At other events he has been more vocal about not wasting time on asking to hang out or read a script because he won’t do it. I knew that if I was going to ask for an interview, it would have to be as he was leaving the room. Without further ado, here is my rundown of most of the Q and A†�broken up into two convenient sections.

Kevin on Zack And Miri Make A Porno
- The title came before the script but he has had the idea for a while and he’s been “researching this movie since I was 12†�usually into a fucking gym sock†�
- He has had most of the film in his head for years but it took him about one week to write the first draft when he finally decided to type it up.
- The film did in fact get the Greenlight based on the title alone. While discussing details on Clerks 2 with Harvey Weinstein, he mentioned the title when Harvey asked if he had any other ideas and Harvey told him it was a go.
- Seth Rogen helped Kevin cast many of the characters, which is why there are so many Judd Apatow regulars in the film. Kevin was a bit worried and asked Rogen “is this dude gonna put a hit out on me†� for stealing his actors. Kevin finally met Apatow at the end of production and is pretty sure Apatow doesn’t want to kill him.
- In addition to writing Zack for Rogen, he wrote the role of Miri for Rosario Dawson. After working on Knocked Up and promoting it worldwide, Rogen was exhausted and asked to push the start date to January. Smith agreed but Rosario had to drop out because she was scheduled to shoot Eagle Eye in January. Left Miri-less, Smith got a list of about 6 actresses who might be willing to do the film and were free January-February. The first name was Elizabeth Banks and Rogen told Smith how perfect she would be for the part.
- If Rogen did not say yes, he would have put the script in the drawer and started working on something else.
- The name Zack comes from Kevin’s friend Zak Knutson, who played the Sexy Stud in Clerks 2. He also filmed the Behind the Scenes footage for Clerks 2 and Zack and Miri and the Sold Out: A Threevening With Kevin Smith documentary through his company, Chop Shop Entertainment.
- The name Miri comes from Jen Schwalbach’s friend Miri.
- There is a part of the film dedicated to making Star Whores, a porn parody of Star Wars. Smith did not get clearance from George Lucas and made a point that Zack refers to it as a parody in the film to cover his ass.
- Yes, Jason Mewes does have a scene of full frontal nudity. And yes, Kevin does have a great story regarding it. And no, I will not tell it because I could tell Kevin loves telling this story and he will definitely make a point to tell it at any upcoming Q and A’s. I will say this though; the usually brazen Mewes was hesitant to doing the nude scene because he had recently gotten engaged. She agreed so he disrobed.
- He chose Pittsburgh because he wanted to leave Jersey along with the View Askewniverse. Plus, it’s the last place in the world anyone would make porn.
- Kevin’s iPod was his music supervisor. He originally wanted to use the song “Maps†� by the Yeah, Yeah, Yeah’s but they declined because they felt the song had been overplayed and they wanted to move past it. He replaced it with an unreleased song from Live, called Hold Me Up†�, that he had wanted in Mallrats but they declined since they wanted it as their next single. They never released the song and to this day it has not been released, but it’s now in the film. It will not be on the soundtrack.
- The film is essentially about Kevin making Clerks†�but with porn.
- Rogen convinced him to cast porn actors in some of the roles because they would be comfortable with the nudity and could bring some experience to the set.
- Kevin found Katie Morgan while watching porn on Youtube. He was watching clips from adult films but was looking for the acting in scenes between the sex. Since Youtube only shows clinical nudity, he was watching the pre-fuck scenes and thought Katie Morgan was a great actress.
- Kevin steals a lot of the conversations from real life and puts them in his films. One of my favorite scenes in Zack and Miri is a discussion of sex toys you can buy on Amazon that Kevin said he had with his wife one night.
- Justin Long’s deep voice in this film was not an original choice. Long had a cold causing him to sound congested but he played it up and turned it into a “porno voice†�
- He does not understand the controversy surrounding the title and why people think it is a porn film. What is the last porno you heard of with the word porno in the title?
- Would rather release films without controversy. He thinks Dogma would have done better without people picketing and thinks the negative press against the title and baning of the posters does not help the film.
- He does not believe in Unrated Versions of movies. The version going in theaters is the version he intended. Don’t expect a Director’s Cut DVD but there will be plenty of deleted scenes in the special features that were deleted for other reasons.
– Many of you already know that Smith faced many problems in securing an R-rating for the film. He first needed to accept an NC-17 rating and then take it to appeals. The two main problems the MPAA had with the film was one quick shot that I will not ruin but many sites are reporting as the “NC-17 shot†� and the other complaint was the amount of thrusting in one sex scene. In his defense, Kevin brought 2 arguments. The first is the “tug one out†� argument. He said that if this was the early 80’s and he was a 13-year-old boy watching this film on his father’s Betamax, sure he would “tug one out.†� However, nowadays porn is easily accessible online and there are much more erotic films that no kid would “tug one out†� while watching this movie. His other defense referred to the “NC-17†� shot and his argument was comparing it to something shown a stunt done in Jackass and then explaining how Jackass was worse since it is basically a documentary. The rating was overturned and he got his R. His very hard R.

Kevin on Filmmaking, Life and Other Randomness
- He has “porked the fuck up.†� He has gained about 75 pounds since beginning production. He wasn’t on camera in the film so he figured it was ok to let himself go. After completing the film, he discovered a newfound love for smoking weed after toking up with Seth Rogen. He blames most of his weight gain on doing nothing but smoking, eating and watching TV for the last 5 or so months.
- The TV he is watching is a 103 inch television given to him by Panasonic. It is about 2 ft from the end of his bed. He likes to interact with the TV. He puts on the Blu-Ray of Live Free Or Die Hard and pauses it when on screen so he can compare his weight gain from then to now.
- Kevin has seen Watchmen twice. It is an amazing film that truly does the graphic novel justice. “You won’t be disappointed.†�
- Someone asked him if after taking a shit, does he sit and wipe or stand and wipe. Not only did Kevin answer but he gave a reason followed by a hilarious story. He sits. He has to. (Warning: It gets pretty graphic from here on) When going to the bathroom, he likes to spread his ass cheeks on the side of the seat so that he has a “clear shot.†� He always used to wipe from the front but when his daughter was born, the nurse told him to always wipe front to back so that you don’t get anything in your private area. That was an epiphany moment because he realized that’s why he always had “shit in my ball hair.†� He stole the advice and used it in Jersey Girl. He then went into a story about how he recently went to the bathroom at Lazer Blazer, a DVD store in LA, which now houses Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash West. One night he went to the bathroom duringa poker game and it was an old toilet. It did not have a porcelain base; it was just a bowl jetting out from the wall with no support. After doing his business, he leaned forward to wipe. When doing so, the bowl cracked and he fell slightly forward. The contents of the bowl did not spill out but he could not stand up. His pants were resting around his ankles and he was still on the bowl. He decided to “Lethal Weapon 2 it†� and he counted to 3 and leaped forward. He called Ron, the owner of the store into the bathroom. Ron looked at the mess he created and said, “no one has to know.†� I love how Kevin decided to tell us anyway. And now I’m sharing it with all of you.
- Kevin has never met George Lucas and he actually turned down the opportunity. A while back Ben Affleck had Thanksgiving dinner at Steven Spielberg’s house and George Lucas showed up. On behalf of Kevin, Affleck asked if he had ever heard of Clerks. George Lucas’ response was “Death Star contractors, very funny†� and that was it.
- He writes movies around dick and fart jokes because fucking and pooping are the two things that everyone in the world shares.
- In March or April, he hopes to shoot Red State. It is a “political horror movie†� that is a total 180 from what he is used to and it will be his test to see if he is a real filmmaker. He also expressed some interest in working with Trevor Fehrman (Elias from Clerks 2) possibly in it.
- Sadly, the Clerks cartoon is DEAD. When the Weinstein’s split from Miramax/Disney, the rights to the cartoon didn’t make the leap. This means the long rumored straight to DVD cartoon movie will probably never happen.
- “Fuck film school”
- Go out and “make Clerks because it worked for me.†� First time filmmakers should probably focus on dialogue driven films that are easy to shoot and then just go out an make it.
- Number one thing he learned about being a filmmaker: “Tell the story that you want to tell†�
- He loves to write arguments but does not write them as he would realistically have them. In real life in an argument he would just say, “fuck you†� and walk away. He crafts the arguments “you wish you were having†�
- With Halloween coming up, it made sense for someone to bring up how Silent Bob is a blessing for any fat guy with a beard in need of a Halloween costume. Kevin agreed that it really is a simple costume and that every year at Comic Con, he is approached by “Silent Bob’s†� who just walk up and stare at him.
- He will be in some upcoming episodes of Degrassi but Jason Mewes has more screen time.
- His nickname of Lunchbox comes from him being filled with food. When asked for a deeper meaning, Kevin replied that there is none. He is not clever enough to work on that many levels.
- If he were to direct Aquaman 2 (Entourage reference) there would be a lot of underwater farting. And if people asked him why, he would tell them because Aquaman eats dolphins.

As he was finishing up on the Aquaman question, Kevin quickly thanked us for coming and said he had to go. In somewhat of a rush, he made his way to the exit. This is a little out of character from him since all of the times I had seen him speak before, he would end with a nice wrap-up. He sometimes warns of only a few more questions and leisurely exits as he continually thanks the audience. I was jotting down his remarks to the last question as he said his goodbye. By the time I looked up he was about 10 feet away. I tried to get to him but it was too late. I’m curious as to what caused him to suddenly leave. Perhaps he had to take his “wicked shit†�?

Jerry Cavallaro – www.AreYouStuckLikeChuck.com

This story was sent to me by fan Matthew Manselle. Please read and enjoy below:

Wow – It’s been a long time since I’ve even considered posting on a message board, much less this one. You see, I was one of the old-school posters here back in ’96. When there were like – maybe fifteen regular posters at the most. Back when you were filming Dogma and giving all of us online set reports every day. This whole thing was kind of new at the time and it was really cool to have such a cool view of the filmmaking process. I worked graveyard-shift as a security guard in some out of the way semi-conductor company back then. The receptionist gave me access to her computer at night so I would just post shit up on this message board all night long. Sometimes you’d be on at like three in the morning and you’d join in on the fun. Things were a little tamer and looser at this place back then.

But here’s the thing Kevin – I don’t really expect this, but you might remember one of my posts. This is where this post is going to get a little long because I want to give you a small piece of backstory.

I saw Clerks for the first time opening night at the Towne Theater in San Jose California. It was the summer of 1994. It was a date that eventually turned into a wonderful three year relationship. Her name was Britt. She worked at this coffee shop I went to. It was her idea to see your movie. Homegirl had good taste so I kept hangin’ out with her. It was true love and stuff.

Anyway, a year and a half passes. Britt and I break up temporarily. Just lame ass post-puberty bullshit (I was twenty-one at the time, she was nineteen). Out of the blue she gives me a call and says she wants to go see this movie called Mallrats. I’m delighted to discover that this movie is from the same dude who made Clerks. Like it’s fated in some strange way. I accept her offer. We got back together that night.

Six months later Britt died in a car accident. It was the most traumatic event in my life. Just completely fucked up in every way possible. I guess you could say I went into a downward spiral (which is to be sort of expected I suppose). I don’t remember much about that time in my life. Just that I didn’t go out much. Spent a lot of time not sleeping, by myself in a closed up bedroom enveloped in a thick fog of cigarette and pot smoke. Very blurry time. I guess it was about six-months into my self-imposed exile that my friends kidnapped me and dragged me out of my stupor. They took me to a movie. It was called Chasing Amy.

Long story short, seeing this movie about a guy who is completely blind to the fact that he’s blowing the best thing that will probably ever come his way, from the point of view of someone who (at that point in my life) did in fact lose “the one” – well it was very eye-opening. And in some strange inexplicable way you played a very important role in me completing the mourning process in regards to Britt.

One of my first posts on this site was a thank-you letter. That’s why I think there’s at least some degree of a chance that you’ll remember it.

Anyway, it’s strange. I moved to Los Angeles a little over three years ago. I got this job working at the Tower Records on Sunset while I did the whole trying-to-sell-my-screenplay thing. And what would you fucking know, you happen to be a regular customer. Every fucking Tuesday I’m ringing you up for your DVDs. I remember having a ten minute long conversation with you about the comics industry and who we thought was going to die in Identity Crisis (we were both wrong). I wanted to tell you that I used to post here back in the day but I didn’t want to seem like some kind of Hollywood-schmoozer-tool (it was bad enough that I asked if you guys were hiring when you opened the Secret Strash in Westwood).

Now I’m back in San Jose (been here four the past for months). I just watched your latest online journal for Clerks 2 and I’m so glad you’ve come back to us. Not that I didn’t like Jersey Girl – but I miss the dick and fart jokes. It’s your gift. It’s your curse. But as one old-school Askewvert who loved your flicks before it was cool to love your flicks, thanks dude. You got me through some really tough times, thanks a ton.

The Stepford Clerk

I would like to welcome everyone to the first ever Kevin Smith week. What does that even mean? Well it means that since we are such big Kevin Smith fanboys we decided to dedicate the week leading up to the release of ‘Zack and Miri make a prono’ to Mr K. Smith and all of the brilliant work he has done. In addition we are going to revisit every Kevin Smith movie in chronological order each day before our review posts for ‘Zack and Miri’ on Friday the 31st.

We are also inviting all of you fans of Kevin Smith and the View Askewniverse to send us your stories, pictures, and all that other jazz. Please send it to me..scott(@)wearemoviegeeks.com.

So, welcome to the OFFICIAL Kevin Smith week, and enjoy our abundance of Smith posts!