Review: ‘Friday the 13th’

Melissa:

Finally! A decent horror film! Friday the 13th was way better than I thought it would be… and let me tell you… I was preparing for the worst! Director Marcus Nispel was not my favorite after his remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in 2003. Not to mention that his body of work as a director has been restricted mostly to music videos and music dvds. ( I do give him props for having Faith No More on his list!).

You can’t really go into this expecting it to stray too much from the original formula. Jason drown while camping at Camp Crystal Lake. He then roams the grounds and the woods surrounding, killing all the young folks that are up to some form of crazy shenanigans. No mystery there. I did kind of wish that they would have gone into a little more detail on his childhood. (Similar to Rob Zombie’s reinvention of Halloween). Some more mother/son moments would have been nice. Maybe a little more back story as to how he comes back, of what keeps him alive (or undead).

The first part of the movie definitely had me in suspense. I enjoyed the feeling of tensing up, knowing that something was coming, but not knowing what. I’m not saying that it’ll have you wetting your seat, but I will say that there are some creepy moments. They also stayed true to the campy/ cheesy flow of the films. The actors that they cast are pretty much all disposable. I like that in a horror film. I don’t want to get to know you, begin to like you, and then watch you die. Let’s skip the pleasantries. You stay my acquaintance, it’ll be shocking to watch you die, but I’ll get over it… I’ll be ok.

Ok ladies and gentlemen… let’s talk boobies. You get to see at least (if memory serves correctly) three sets of lady parts during the film, and they are not shy to just whip off their tops with others around. I am not opposed to nudity in horror films. Heck, we all know the rule… if your nude… then you’re dead dude! Here is what gets me… they stack fake orbs on top of ribs. These were the worst fake boobs that I think I have ever seen! It’s like putting bowling balls on Skeletor’s chest!

Overall, I really did like the film. They could be a little more original with some of the slashing scenes, but I think that it’s still chill-worthy. I say go see it!

[Overall: 4 stars out of 5]

Travis:

If you go see this movie with the expectation to see something new and original and unexpected, then you’re shooting yourself in the foot. With that said, I think director Marcus Nispel did a fairly decent job of sticking with the tried and true genre staples that made the original series so much fun. Derek Mears has proven to be a great Jason Voorhees and while the “baghead” look bothered me at first, Jason does eventually find his hockey mask and they did a decent job of introducing that character element quickly and efficiently wihtout it being cheesy.

On the whole, the movie was sterotypical, especially when it comes to the teenager victims. As is the case anymore with Hollywwod horror films, it’s all about the marketing. What I mean by that is that the guys and gals are about as realistic as Ken and Barbie, in every way. The jerks are jerks, the idiots are idiots and the rednecks are rednecks. There are two character elements that stand out. One of them is that the two stoner dudes, who are also the two dudes without dates, are the cool ones and the ones you hope don’t die.

One of the coolest parts of this ‘Friday the 13th’ movie is that it has one of the best opening sequences I’ve seen in the genre for some time. Nothing fancy, just perfect for this movie. You’ll have to watch it to find out what I mean. In addition, you’ll also have to watch the movie to find out what I disliked the most about it, as revealing it would ruin the story. What I can say is my least favorite part involves the biker dude and his sister… end of discussion.

‘Friday the 13th’ managed to keep me entertained and, while it wasn’t scary (aside from a few minor jumps), it was lots of fun. The killing scenes were more humorous in a twisted way than frightening, even more so than in the original series. The script certainly isn’t quality writing, but it has a good dose of humor written into the dialogue. Where it fails is in it’s attempt to “humanize” Jason as something other than an stoppable evil killing machine. Fortunately, the story does end in the only appropriate way. In general, I think this remake should please most fans of the original and of the genre in general, but I don’t think it’s bound for any major following.

[Overall: 3.5 stars out of 5]

Jeremy:

How do you make a remake of a fairly recent horror film and have it be reasonably inventive and suspenseful?   It is possible, folks.   Marcus Nispel’s 2003 version of ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ and Alexandre Aja’s remake of ‘The Hills Have Eyes’ are great examples of what can be done with a horror remake.

Unfortunately, for every one of these, there are a dozen cheap attempts at restarting a franchise, taking a half-assed script, filling it with annoying characters, shooting it as fast as possible, and slapping a recognizable title it.   You know what?   The new ‘Friday the 13th’ is that in a nutshell.

No suspense.   No intensity.   No genuine scares in the whole movie.   I felt the same way coming out of this film the way I felt when I came out of ‘Cabin Fever’ back in 2003.   Going in I was expecting/hoping for an intense, scare-filled horror film that brought about the best of what made the ’80s horror films such instant classics.   Instead, what I got was stupid characters doing stupid things in a stupid horror film.

Every character in ‘Friday the 13th’ is a stereotype of the genre.   The blonde jerk whose worried about his parents’ cabin.   The comical, Asian guy who seemingly will never hook up with a girl.   The rugged, dark-haired hero on a motorcycle who seems to be the only one who knows something not quite right is going on at Camp Crystal Lake.   There really is not one character in the entire film who goes against type.   The cops and the blonde-haired people are jerks.   If you’re a minority, you’re just around for comic relief.   If you have brunette hair, chances are you’ll be fine, at least until the last third. Basically, the rule seems to be here that, if you’re white and you have blonde hair, don’t expect to be around to see the end credits.

And don’t give me the excuse that it’s “just a slasher film”.   Even films that are “just slasher films” can still provide some level on intensity.   How do they do it?   They change things up a bit.   They either switch things up in the premise of the film or they execute the film with such style that you can’t help but enjoy it on a pure intensity level.

It has way too much humor going on, too.   I can stand a few jokes here and there, but this film is riddled with pot jokes and wacky antics from its characters.   Seriously, with all the t&a and ridiculous humor going on, if it weren’t for Jason walking around hacking people up, you could slap the “National Lampoon Presents” title at the beginning, and it would fit in just fine.

It’s hard to enjoy the film on a purely, goofy level, as well.   Director Marcus Nispel, like his take on ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’, infuses the film with a whole lot of gloss and style.   Whenever Jason is stalking someone or killing someone off, there’s a whole lot of shaky, closeup work going on.   With all the shaky cam, you would think the film would come off as gritty and somewhat realistic, but there is just way too much humor and ridiculous character choices going on to ever consider it realistic.

There’s not a whole lot of blood to go around, either.   Jason’s first kill of the film plays out with Jason running towards someone, a slashing sound, and a cut to black.   Not a good way to kick off your body count.   There are a few inventive death scenes.   They found a way to revisit the sleeping bag death in a fresh way.   For the most part, however, it’s pretty much machete slashes here and there with very little amounts of the red stuff flowing.

There are a handful of things ‘Friday the 13th’ does right, though.   Don’t think that this is a complete waste of time.   Derek Mears seems to be the perfect choice to take over the Jason Vorhees reigns.   This Jason runs, so he has the potential of being even more intimidating that what we are used to with the character.   Here’s hoping Mears sticks around the part for any eventual sequels.

The film also delivers a pretty stellar opening credit sequence.   I won’t give it away, because most of its ingenuity stems from how it plays out.   I will say, however, that it takes a lot of welcomed nerve to do what they did with the opening credits here.

Minus those very few highlights, the film is tediously common.   Jason jumps out, kills someone, cut to different scene, wash, rinse, repeat.   I’m done with the excuse for something like this that it delivers exactly what is to be expected from a film of its type.   ‘Friday the 13th’ is a film that is all about type, but it didn’t have to be.   It could have been scary and intense.   Instead, it’s brainless and routine.

[Overall: 2 stars out of 5]