The Smokey Time Movie Go-er

Melissa:

So, this column is about things NOT to do in a theater, while watching movies with friends that actually want to WATCH the movie, and movie going HORROR STORIES… My tale fits nicely into these categories.

I am at a screening a few nights ago, and for those of you that do not know, during screenings they rope off a couple of rows in the back for press. (Ha… I still think it’s neat to be called “press”!) As the movie starts and the lights go down, about 20 people over the course of the first fifteen minutes come in late to sit down. They are shimmying into aisles, standing on the stairs whispering loudly that they can’t see, and being all around obnoxious. Here’s an idea, get to the movie on time so you don’t have to complain that you can’t find a seat or that you can’t see in the dark.

Little Known Fact #1. The lights are generally on for your seating convenience BEFORE the film starts. They will   even let you into the theater before the show starts so that you have plenty of time to pick out a seat, get comfortable, maybe get some tasty snacks, and relax before the movie starts.

Little Known Fact #2. Screenings fill up FAST. Get there in plenty of time to pick out seats with the people that you came with. Otherwise, IF it doesn’t fill up, you aren’t stuck splitting up your group or sitting alone.

Little Known Fact #3. Just because a screening is free, does not mean that you can talk and ruin it for everyone. There are members of the press trying to do their jobs, and we cannot do it while you are talking and giggling loudly with your friends. You are also ruining it for the people around you. STOP IT!

So, back to my story. The lights are dimmed, some time has passed, and two older (late 40′s early 50′s) come up and sit right next to me in the press seats. Keep in mind that one even has a cane, it makes the story that much better. All of a sudden, this stench comes wafting up my nostrils. Is it B.O.? Nope. Old lady perfume from the 1949 Avon catalog? Nope. ITS WEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stoners, I do not mind if you smoke up before a flick… just don’t be annoying. I for one do not touch illegal substances, but hey, do what you do. I won’t judge. Be considerate though. Put on some cologne, spray yourself down with Febrez, or smoke in a well ventilated area so you don’t smell like Cheech and Chong. It’s gross.

So not only did the Designing Women reek of herb, they WOULDN’T SHUT UP! This is another problem with some of you movie tokers. You giggle and talk loudly throughout the entire movie!!! So now we have a list of movie don’ts.

1. Sitting down late where you are not suppose to.
2. Smelling so badly that you are offending other movie goers.
3. TALKING DURING THE MOVIE.

So when asked to finally please be quite, one of the women looked over and said “Puhlease!”. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you are from the Valley! WHO SAYS “PUHLEASE”. Are you trying to make yourself sound like an idiot. I then told them that they were disturbing everyone around them and I am just trying to do my job (THAT I LOVE!), and they just giggled so I shot them an evil look. With that they finally shut up, but it was too late. I was so mad that I had to calm down before I could fully take in the movie again. THANK YOU FOR RUINING A GREAT MOVIE!

Just remember folks… I’m watching you!

Your Movie Crusader,

Melissa