Kevin Smith – A Lunchbox Full Of Wit

Yesterday, Zack and Miri Make A Porno premiered in New York City and Kevin Smith was on hand for a question and answer session with the crowd afterwards. We will be posting reviews of the film next week so I won’t go into much detail about the flick. However, I will say that I think it is Kevin Smith’s funniest film and I absolutely loved it. It has the amazing dialogue of Clerks, the gross out humor of Mallrats and as much heart as Chasing Amy. It will definitely be a hit. And that’s all I’m going to say about the film.

I went to this screening with two goals in mind. The first was to see what I knew would be a great movie and the other was to score an interview with the man himself. I knew the second was a long shot but I was determined. I arrived at the theater about an hour early and was shocked to find no one there. Unfortunately a visit to the Box Office revealed the confirmation email listed the wrong movie theater. I rushed to the theater a few blocks away and found a huge line waiting for me.

I finally got into the theater and I sit in the worst possible seat. I was front row center. I had to look at an 80-degree angle to see the screen and the image was horribly distracting at such a close range. I didn’t care though since I knew I’d have the perfect seat for the Q and A portion. When Kevin finally came out, he settled about 4 ft away from me, which is where he stood most of the time. He immediately asked that the house lights be brought up, the spotlight be brought down and the emo music be turned off. He then told us that he made the mistake of having a big dinner just prior to coming to the theater so he had to take a “wicked shit† but he will hold it in for the next hour.

The first question was the always dreaded “will you hang out with us after the show?† but Kevin handled it in a polite way. At other events he has been more vocal about not wasting time on asking to hang out or read a script because he won’t do it. I knew that if I was going to ask for an interview, it would have to be as he was leaving the room. Without further ado, here is my rundown of most of the Q and A†¦broken up into two convenient sections.

Kevin on Zack And Miri Make A Porno
– The title came before the script but he has had the idea for a while and he’s been “researching this movie since I was 12†¦usually into a fucking gym sock†
– He has had most of the film in his head for years but it took him about one week to write the first draft when he finally decided to type it up.
– The film did in fact get the Greenlight based on the title alone. While discussing details on Clerks 2 with Harvey Weinstein, he mentioned the title when Harvey asked if he had any other ideas and Harvey told him it was a go.
– Seth Rogen helped Kevin cast many of the characters, which is why there are so many Judd Apatow regulars in the film. Kevin was a bit worried and asked Rogen “is this dude gonna put a hit out on me† for stealing his actors. Kevin finally met Apatow at the end of production and is pretty sure Apatow doesn’t want to kill him.
– In addition to writing Zack for Rogen, he wrote the role of Miri for Rosario Dawson. After working on Knocked Up and promoting it worldwide, Rogen was exhausted and asked to push the start date to January. Smith agreed but Rosario had to drop out because she was scheduled to shoot Eagle Eye in January. Left Miri-less, Smith got a list of about 6 actresses who might be willing to do the film and were free January-February. The first name was Elizabeth Banks and Rogen told Smith how perfect she would be for the part.
– If Rogen did not say yes, he would have put the script in the drawer and started working on something else.
– The name Zack comes from Kevin’s friend Zak Knutson, who played the Sexy Stud in Clerks 2. He also filmed the Behind the Scenes footage for Clerks 2 and Zack and Miri and the Sold Out: A Threevening With Kevin Smith documentary through his company, Chop Shop Entertainment.
– The name Miri comes from Jen Schwalbach’s friend Miri.
– There is a part of the film dedicated to making Star Whores, a porn parody of Star Wars. Smith did not get clearance from George Lucas and made a point that Zack refers to it as a parody in the film to cover his ass.
– Yes, Jason Mewes does have a scene of full frontal nudity. And yes, Kevin does have a great story regarding it. And no, I will not tell it because I could tell Kevin loves telling this story and he will definitely make a point to tell it at any upcoming Q and A’s. I will say this though; the usually brazen Mewes was hesitant to doing the nude scene because he had recently gotten engaged. She agreed so he disrobed.
– He chose Pittsburgh because he wanted to leave Jersey along with the View Askewniverse. Plus, it’s the last place in the world anyone would make porn.
– Kevin’s iPod was his music supervisor. He originally wanted to use the song “Maps† by the Yeah, Yeah, Yeah’s but they declined because they felt the song had been overplayed and they wanted to move past it. He replaced it with an unreleased song from Live, called Hold Me Up†, that he had wanted in Mallrats but they declined since they wanted it as their next single. They never released the song and to this day it has not been released, but it’s now in the film. It will not be on the soundtrack.
– The film is essentially about Kevin making Clerks†¦but with porn.
– Rogen convinced him to cast porn actors in some of the roles because they would be comfortable with the nudity and could bring some experience to the set.
– Kevin found Katie Morgan while watching porn on Youtube. He was watching clips from adult films but was looking for the acting in scenes between the sex. Since Youtube only shows clinical nudity, he was watching the pre-fuck scenes and thought Katie Morgan was a great actress.
– Kevin steals a lot of the conversations from real life and puts them in his films. One of my favorite scenes in Zack and Miri is a discussion of sex toys you can buy on Amazon that Kevin said he had with his wife one night.
– Justin Long’s deep voice in this film was not an original choice. Long had a cold causing him to sound congested but he played it up and turned it into a “porno voice†
– He does not understand the controversy surrounding the title and why people think it is a porn film. What is the last porno you heard of with the word porno in the title?
– Would rather release films without controversy. He thinks Dogma would have done better without people picketing and thinks the negative press against the title and baning of the posters does not help the film.
– He does not believe in Unrated Versions of movies. The version going in theaters is the version he intended. Don’t expect a Director’s Cut DVD but there will be plenty of deleted scenes in the special features that were deleted for other reasons.
– Many of you already know that Smith faced many problems in securing an R-rating for the film. He first needed to accept an NC-17 rating and then take it to appeals. The two main problems the MPAA had with the film was one quick shot that I will not ruin but many sites are reporting as the “NC-17 shot† and the other complaint was the amount of thrusting in one sex scene. In his defense, Kevin brought 2 arguments. The first is the “tug one out† argument. He said that if this was the early 80’s and he was a 13-year-old boy watching this film on his father’s Betamax, sure he would “tug one out.† However, nowadays porn is easily accessible online and there are much more erotic films that no kid would “tug one out† while watching this movie. His other defense referred to the “NC-17† shot and his argument was comparing it to something shown a stunt done in Jackass and then explaining how Jackass was worse since it is basically a documentary. The rating was overturned and he got his R. His very hard R.

Kevin on Filmmaking, Life and Other Randomness
– He has “porked the fuck up.† He has gained about 75 pounds since beginning production. He wasn’t on camera in the film so he figured it was ok to let himself go. After completing the film, he discovered a newfound love for smoking weed after toking up with Seth Rogen. He blames most of his weight gain on doing nothing but smoking, eating and watching TV for the last 5 or so months.
– The TV he is watching is a 103 inch television given to him by Panasonic. It is about 2 ft from the end of his bed. He likes to interact with the TV. He puts on the Blu-Ray of Live Free Or Die Hard and pauses it when on screen so he can compare his weight gain from then to now.
– Kevin has seen Watchmen twice. It is an amazing film that truly does the graphic novel justice. “You won’t be disappointed.†
– Someone asked him if after taking a shit, does he sit and wipe or stand and wipe. Not only did Kevin answer but he gave a reason followed by a hilarious story. He sits. He has to. (Warning: It gets pretty graphic from here on) When going to the bathroom, he likes to spread his ass cheeks on the side of the seat so that he has a “clear shot.† He always used to wipe from the front but when his daughter was born, the nurse told him to always wipe front to back so that you don’t get anything in your private area. That was an epiphany moment because he realized that’s why he always had “shit in my ball hair.† He stole the advice and used it in Jersey Girl. He then went into a story about how he recently went to the bathroom at Lazer Blazer, a DVD store in LA, which now houses Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash West. One night he went to the bathroom duringa poker game and it was an old toilet. It did not have a porcelain base; it was just a bowl jetting out from the wall with no support. After doing his business, he leaned forward to wipe. When doing so, the bowl cracked and he fell slightly forward. The contents of the bowl did not spill out but he could not stand up. His pants were resting around his ankles and he was still on the bowl. He decided to “Lethal Weapon 2 it† and he counted to 3 and leaped forward. He called Ron, the owner of the store into the bathroom. Ron looked at the mess he created and said, “no one has to know.† I love how Kevin decided to tell us anyway. And now I’m sharing it with all of you.
– Kevin has never met George Lucas and he actually turned down the opportunity. A while back Ben Affleck had Thanksgiving dinner at Steven Spielberg’s house and George Lucas showed up. On behalf of Kevin, Affleck asked if he had ever heard of Clerks. George Lucas’ response was “Death Star contractors, very funny† and that was it.
– He writes movies around dick and fart jokes because fucking and pooping are the two things that everyone in the world shares.
– In March or April, he hopes to shoot Red State. It is a “political horror movie† that is a total 180 from what he is used to and it will be his test to see if he is a real filmmaker. He also expressed some interest in working with Trevor Fehrman (Elias from Clerks 2) possibly in it.
– Sadly, the Clerks cartoon is DEAD. When the Weinstein’s split from Miramax/Disney, the rights to the cartoon didn’t make the leap. This means the long rumored straight to DVD cartoon movie will probably never happen.
– “Fuck film school”
– Go out and “make Clerks because it worked for me.† First time filmmakers should probably focus on dialogue driven films that are easy to shoot and then just go out an make it.
– Number one thing he learned about being a filmmaker: “Tell the story that you want to tell†
– He loves to write arguments but does not write them as he would realistically have them. In real life in an argument he would just say, “fuck you† and walk away. He crafts the arguments “you wish you were having†
– With Halloween coming up, it made sense for someone to bring up how Silent Bob is a blessing for any fat guy with a beard in need of a Halloween costume. Kevin agreed that it really is a simple costume and that every year at Comic Con, he is approached by “Silent Bob’s† who just walk up and stare at him.
– He will be in some upcoming episodes of Degrassi but Jason Mewes has more screen time.
– His nickname of Lunchbox comes from him being filled with food. When asked for a deeper meaning, Kevin replied that there is none. He is not clever enough to work on that many levels.
– If he were to direct Aquaman 2 (Entourage reference) there would be a lot of underwater farting. And if people asked him why, he would tell them because Aquaman eats dolphins.

As he was finishing up on the Aquaman question, Kevin quickly thanked us for coming and said he had to go. In somewhat of a rush, he made his way to the exit. This is a little out of character from him since all of the times I had seen him speak before, he would end with a nice wrap-up. He sometimes warns of only a few more questions and leisurely exits as he continually thanks the audience. I was jotting down his remarks to the last question as he said his goodbye. By the time I looked up he was about 10 feet away. I tried to get to him but it was too late. I’m curious as to what caused him to suddenly leave. Perhaps he had to take his “wicked shit†?

Jerry Cavallaro – www.AreYouStuckLikeChuck.com